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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
overnightangel · 23/11/2017 12:57

Another vote here for benefit of the doubt

BulletFox · 23/11/2017 13:01

Actually thinking about it I still have a couple of condoms from years ago and also a vibrator which was posted to me as a joke. If I had a sudden forensic swoop it might look like I was a sex maniac.

OP as long as you're happy and feel secure that's all that matters.

mydogisthebest · 23/11/2017 13:03

I think I too would give him the benefit of the doubt.

If he genuinely doesn't know why/how it was there then what else can he say? If he started giving loads of excuses and rambling on about how it could have got there that would actually make me far more suspicious than just saying "I don't know".

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/11/2017 13:03

I think you go with your gut on this. Good luck OP Flowers

Liskee · 23/11/2017 13:15

You find an unused condom in your BFs pocket. You find 2 more condoms in his underwear drawer. You find nothing on his tablet that makes you suspicious. You spend most of your time together and he texts all the time when you socialise separately. He doesn't act all shifty or accuse you of snooping or being a paranoid bitch when you ask him about the unused condom.

Seriously. You have fuck all to worry about. Proceed as normal and get on with living your lovely happy life.

mummmy2017 · 23/11/2017 13:19

It just sounds like left over from before you.
Maybe the jeans were ones he hasn't worn since you moved in together, give him a chance, as you say he is a good bloke.

sometimes it really just in as case of a misplaced item/

Hissy · 23/11/2017 13:21

This has been the only niggle in 6 months

Erm... you know 6 months is nothing right?

this is the FIRST niggle.

Open your eyes love.

oldlaundbooth · 23/11/2017 13:24

It's a niggle!

He is obviously one smooth talking so and so.

Trinity66 · 23/11/2017 13:29

Best of Luck OP, I hope it works out for you

RavenLG · 23/11/2017 13:35

GinDaddy

Amen, thank god someone said it! I’ve been burned many times in the past but if you are bitter and hold on to that resentment then all your relationships will eventually sour. Not every man is out to cheat or “get his dick wet” as some lovely PP put it. Some men are capable of being faithful, and it’s usually when they’re in a happy, trusting relationship with the right partner.

Good for you OP. People may tell you 6 months if nothing but you can’t but a timeframe on your feelings. If you’re happy and trusting then move on from this and have a lovely relationship!

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 13:43

I'm sorry but I don't believe him.

I wish I could for your sake OP.

You see, the most likely thing he could have said was it was a left- over from before you two met. or when you did meet, assuming you used condoms for a while.

To say he has no idea is not plausible (unless some friend of his planted it there. )

He's really landed himself in it by saying he has no idea. (And the 2 in his sock drawer are the others from a pack of 3.)

Grown men do not end up with condoms in their jean pockets and have no idea how they got there.

I'm sorry but for me this would be a very big red flag.

Motoko · 23/11/2017 13:51

Yeah well Polly, it's not you this is happening to. OP has decided to give him the benefit of the doubt (which I agree with).

People have to be allowed to make their own mistakes (if it turns out you're right), but this relationship might not be a mistake and they go on to have a very happy, loving future together, so perhaps we should wish that for the OP.

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 13:55

It's not happening you either Motoko.

In fact- big intake of breath- it's not happening to ANYONE- on this thread except the OP.

So what exactly is your point?

Lovemusic33 · 23/11/2017 14:12

Good luck Op, I have to agree with Motoko though but you have to do what you feel is best.

I found a pair of woman's knickers in my ex's suitcase a few months after he moved in with me, he worked away a lot, of course he had no idea how they got there and had a pretty good excuse (his job was involved camping, often within close proximity to females so they obviously accidentally got into his case), 10 months later I happened to have the opertunity to look on his phone and found evidence of him cheating with several other women. I wish I followed my gut instinct early one.

I hope things work out for you I really do.

GoingCrazy21 · 23/11/2017 14:17

I've been following this thread and think you are doing the right thing by giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I was really surprised when people started with all the 'he's cheating' business straight away. I don't think my mind would jump to that in this instance. I for one don't wash jeans very often, he could have just found them in the back of the wardrobe and thrown them in the washing machine for the first time in months. A condom in the pocket of a pair of jeans unworn in months wouldn't be crumpled/worn out, I don't think.

Could the ones in the draw have been there months and just crammed at the back/hidden by loads of stuff? You probably wouldn't come across them unless you were looking.

Good luck to you and your partner OP I think he would have made up something if he was lying. Try not to let this play on your mind too much in future.

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 14:20

Goingcrazy So why didn't he say what you think is the most likely reason?

Saying he had no idea is a lie.
Saying it was there from his days before he met the OP would make sense. He didn't say that.

I was one of the 'don't hang him till he's been tried' at the start of this thread. I cannot abide the MN wisdom of LTB every time someone posts a thread like this.

BUT in this case I think I know enough about human behaviour to spot a dodgy answer.

GoingCrazy21 · 23/11/2017 14:24

@PollyPerky I think it's totally reasonable that he wouldn't be able to remember if it's been there months, and say he had no idea.

I doubt he would have had a record of where every single one of his condoms was at the beginning of a new relationship/if he was single.

It's just my opinion though.

HappyintheHills · 23/11/2017 14:43

And his explanation for the two in stock was?
Please get a full STI screen and use condoms in future.

lovemylover · 23/11/2017 14:46

I have been following this thread, and i really hope all goes well for the OP, having said that, i know someone who goes for a walk most days, no longer than an hour, but in that hour hes not walking hes having an affair with a neighbour, even asks the wife if she wants to come for the walk, knowing full well she hates walking
If they are going to do it they will find a way,

Whereisthetinsel · 23/11/2017 14:46

No explanation for ANY of them?
He is lying.

He is being reasonable about your feelings and willing to do anything he can... to make sure you don't find anything else..

bathghter · 23/11/2017 14:47

of it wasn’t for the others in his drawer it could be written off as his mates planting it or something... but he has a stash and it’s not like they are in a dusty old trunk in the attic they are in a drawer he goes in every day. the PP who mentioned the prostitutes being busy on lunch hour springs to me. i’d be getting an STD check and snooping more.

Motoko · 23/11/2017 14:53

It's not happening you either Motoko. In fact- big intake of breath- it's not happening to ANYONE- on this thread except the OP. So what exactly is your point?

My point is that OP has made her decision, so saying you don't believe her partner, after she's made up her mind isn't very helpful to her.

As I said, you may very well be correct, but OP needs to do what she thinks is right, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision.

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 15:06

Motoko I'm sorry but you are coming over as a moderator. Since when was it your place to tell posters that the thread was closed? That the OP had made a decision and therefore we ought not to post any more?

You have a bit of a nerve.

The point is, yes, he could forget it was there if it was pre Big Apple and him. BUT HE DIDN'T SAY THAT DID HE?

He said he didn't know [at all] baby. Baby FFS!

He is imo lying and dim. He can't even come up with a plausible lie.

OP I mean this kindly but you are a bit older than him. Maybe you want kids and think your bio clock is ticking so you are prepared to overlook this. You are about my own kid's ages. Please don't settle for something just because you want a relationship .

RebeccaBunch · 23/11/2017 15:07

I found a condom in my P's bag 7 years ago. He could not explain it, but at least we did use them and it was the same as our others.

I still think it was dodgy as fuck, and even though I dumped him 5 years ago, I still think of it from time to time and it still irks me.

You may well find you can't just "forget" this visit from the condom fairy OP and it sticks in your mind.

lalliella · 23/11/2017 15:14

Definitely give him the benefit of the doubt OP. Ignore all the shit-stirrers on here. Some people don’t want a boring resolution, they want drama. Don’t give it to them.