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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
ADayGivingMeHope · 22/11/2017 22:39

Ferrier he moved in with her though so they can’t just be old ones

QueenAmongstMen · 22/11/2017 22:39

The ones in the drawer I can understand. They could be left over from a previous relationship and they just live permanently in his underwear drawer.

But he moved in to her house - so they aren't permanently in a drawer of his that were from a past relationship, he has purposefully put them there after having moved in to her home. Hence why I think it's important to clarify whether OP and him were using condoms at the point of him moving in together, and if so, they could innocently explain why they were still some in his drawer.

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 22/11/2017 22:41

I'm really sorry but I definitely think he's cheating. Too many things point in the wrong direction for me.

Finderscrispy · 22/11/2017 22:50

queen it is a fair point, but he may simply have transplanted contents of underwear drawer from previous location, to underwear drawer of new location. Some people are hoarders, or just plain lazy. Only the op knows what he's like.
Again, unless the bloke is a bit thick, or a particularly arrogant type why leave them in a location the op can easily stumble across.

ShoesHaveSouls · 22/11/2017 23:00

Oh love, that's awful.

Why's he being so blasé about it? I mean, the main thing that rings alarm bells for me is that it was in his jeans pocket - jeans you're convinced he wore recently.

I think there are men around that will do stuff like that to their mates for a "laugh" - I wouldn't know what to think tbh - but his reaction is so casual - I don't think he has a right to be so casual about it. It's not like you found it randomly around the house - it was in his pocket ffs.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 22/11/2017 23:01

Ahh I read this morning & thought things were going to turn out well but muddy waters it seems.
I hope you find clarity, trust your instincts Flowers

Btw am I the only person finds it weird that people are so protective/private about their phone? DH & I would use each other's without thought & can crack each other's passwords no problem if we cant ask at that moment.

LineysBum · 22/11/2017 23:02

Once the trust is gone, tears rip in though.

Lockheart · 22/11/2017 23:17

This can only go two ways. Regardless of whether or not he's telling the truth (and no-one on here can tell you with absolute certainty), either you believe him or you don't.

If you don't believe him, then you need to consider whether your relationship is over or not.

If you do believe him, then all is well surely?

(As an aside, I still have condoms in my handbag from when my partner and I started dating. They've been in there nearly a year! This is not a testament to my (non-existent) infidelity as much as a damning indictment of how little I clean out my handbag.)

RavenLG · 22/11/2017 23:37

Going through someone's phone doesn't make you a 'psycho'

I didn't say it did Insomnibrat. I said I had been the psycho woman.

Going through someone's phone is certainly not normal behaviour however, and it should not be normalised.

Intomyarms · 23/11/2017 00:05

I feel for you OP. I had something similar done to me by an ex. Of course he denied everything. We broke up and a long time later he told me that he carried them around 'just in case'. I'm glad he finally admitted it as I had doubted myself for a long time in between. He only admitted it as he thought a 'clean slate' would win him some favours. Once the trust is gone, it is gone.

iBiscuit · 23/11/2017 00:06

It's by the by now, but I have stuff in my underwear drawer that's been there through three house moves and for over a decade.

My internet history autodeletes.

The blasé response of his sucks, though.

ferrier · 23/11/2017 00:12

Agree ^^.
When I move stuff I just box up each drawer and move it as a job lot - condoms, toys and all Grin

ahhhsalmonskinroll · 23/11/2017 04:26

He’s lying.

JoieDeFuckingVivre · 23/11/2017 07:23

Are you ok OP?

6demandingchildren · 23/11/2017 08:31

2 of my son's are both in long term relationships, they both keep condoms in their wallets and in their drawers. Think it's just a habit now but they won't throw them out and I don't know why (maybe a man hoarding thing) I couldn't explain if they had then in their pockets but it could be from ages ago as they are awful at emptying their pockets. I think if your OH was going to lie he would of made something up to satisfy your curiosity, I know by saying I don't know is annoying but maybe see if his persona changes.
But I think you need to sit him down and tell him how this has made you feel and make sure he knows that you would have no qualms kicking him out if he is found to be cheating xx

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 08:42

Out of curiosity how do these people go through someone's phone? don't you all have private passwords?

DH and I have been married for years. I have a phone and 3 email accounts. He doesn't know any of my passwords, wouldn't dream of asking and I don't know any of his. It's not something that is on our radar. If we had issues we talk about them.

Do you all know your P'd account details and if so, why?

FlouncyDoves · 23/11/2017 08:44

I know my partner’s and they mine. No issues with us on that one.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/11/2017 08:48

I knew my Ex's passcodes.
Because of course 'they had nothing to hide'
Yeah right!
Not so clever with technology - thank goodness.
Polly, you've had no reason to doubt your relationship, which is great.
But so many of us get that gut feeling.
And we ask and we talk to them and guess what!?
They lie!
So then, for some weird reason, we need proof.
So that's when we go snooping.
And unfortunately for most of us, that gut instinct is dead right!

whiskyowl · 23/11/2017 08:50

"I don't know baby, it's not mine and I don't know where it came from".

He's lying because

  • It clearly is his, you found the matching condoms in the drawer

Which means that the whole "I don't know where it came from" is a lie too.

Had he said "Oh these are jeans I only wear occasionally, so I only wash them occasionally, and I put it in there months ago" I would be more inclined to believe him. Because that's a reasonable excuse. But the response he's given smacks of the panic of someone caught out and just casting around for the first thing that comes to mind. Sorry, OP.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/11/2017 08:59

'I dont know where they came from.'
Ahh, that old chestnut.
So the condom fairies put them there, did they.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/11/2017 09:12

don't you all have private passwords?
No.
Both of us have lockscon or phone but we both know each others. Say I need to google a fact or face on tally and my battery is dead (happens more often than you would think) I ask for his phone. I'd be quite concerned if he refused, watched me do it or see reply unlocked it first. Because we trust each other to not exploit that fact and invade each others privacy. I don't know him email

Mustang27 · 23/11/2017 09:59

My partner does I do not. I trust him though also he is an IT genius so even if he was having an affair there would be no bloody way I’d discover anything on any of his technology.

QueenAmongstMen · 23/11/2017 09:59

Me and DH know each other's passwords on our mobiles too as we use each other's at times if our own isn't to hand.

I would find it very odd if he said he wanted to keep it a secret because then it obviously means he doesn't want me accessing his phone.

Mustang27 · 23/11/2017 10:12

Iv never asked him for it. I think he would if I asked.

Motoko · 23/11/2017 10:52

I know the one on my husband's phone, because it was originally my phone and he didn't bother to change it. If he's driving, he'll often ask me to do something on his phone, such as look at the map or change the music.