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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 22/11/2017 20:32

“ handed to him in a promotion on a night out” ...bet he’s kicking himself he didn’t think of that one first! Any man “innocently”coming across a condom would be acutely aware of getting rid of it in case it put him in an awkward position. If he cared about his partners feelings of course.People are not trying to break up the OPs relationship... they are just answering her question.

Koala72 · 22/11/2017 20:33

Erm ... just say to him wtf I found a condom in your pocket ... : ( And cry.

See what he says.

The only OK explanation I can think of is that he had it in there for ages and you don't do his washing and he's a bloke so hasn't washed the jeans for months.

Otherwise, it's wrong.

Nelly1727 · 22/11/2017 20:34

I hope there is an innocent reason for this. Difficult to think of one but there could be.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/11/2017 20:35

It's a wonder condom manufacturers manage to stay in business, the amount they give out on promotions

Finderscrispy · 22/11/2017 20:36

A condom alone does not necessarily indicate infidelity.

If he works as a labourer, is there a chance one of the lads

has put it there as a joke, crap joke nonetheless, but some people are stupid.

I say this as I had something similar and it turned out to be someone else’s weird sense of humour. Fortunately the condom was not found, so no harm done.

Obviously you have to go with your instincts and if you feel there’s more to it then have it out with him.

BewareOfDragons · 22/11/2017 20:37

Sorry, OP. I can't imagine being in that position...

SellMySoulForMoreSleep · 22/11/2017 20:41

Oh it doesn’t look good does it? I hope you are ok. Flowers

Julie8008 · 22/11/2017 20:41

I could totally see a labourer would have friends that could and would put it in there as a joke.

We dont know how op replied when he said it wasnt his, if she said "ok, thats weird", then I can also see an innocent man just back in for work going for a shower.

If he had bought a box of condoms to cheat then the one in the pocket would be the same as the ones in the drawer. There seems to be no other evidence in behaviour, on internet or even gut feelings to say he is cheating. When did people start being guilty until proved innocent?

I would need more proof before I gave up on a good relationship.

buckeejit · 22/11/2017 20:41

Hope you're ok Op & getting some answers Wine

emma1282 · 22/11/2017 20:42

Doesn't sound good. Just confront him and ask. If you feel he had been cheating don't give him a second chance. Just leave. Once a cheater always a cheater.

MaisyPops · 22/11/2017 20:43

I'm not going to give you the obvious pep talk because there's oages of it already but will offer a flip side.

Me and DH don't use condoms. Haven't for well over a year becauee we are TTC. I still have condoms in the back of my bedside drawer and found some when i went away for the weekend in my travel suitcase.
If DH found them in my cabin bag he could think all sorts of things about ny trio.
The reality is that I'm useless at emptying things so found paracetamol from 2008 in my medicine box and have form for being that person who puts tissues in the washing machine because I've not checked pockets

It could be innocent. It could be bad.
Keep an eye and if need be dig about.

Pombliboo123 · 22/11/2017 20:44

Don't you get those "variety" 3 packs from the vending machines in club toilets? Confused

not that I've ever bought condoms from a club toilet

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 21:18

Sorry for taking so long to update.

So, when he had his shower he left his phone on the sofa as usual. I didn't check it though.

He's been very apologetic about the situation but stands by the 'I don't know where it came from' response.

I honestly don't know what to do now. I really want to believe him but it's such a ridiculous answer...

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 22/11/2017 21:20

You're kidding, right?

SparklyMagpie · 22/11/2017 21:20

Personally I wouldn't believe it as I know id keep wondering about it, so id have to end it

But only you know what you want to do.

What is your head telling you OP?

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 · 22/11/2017 21:21

Have you checked to see if he’s moved the ones from his drawer?

QuopQuop · 22/11/2017 21:22

Let it go.........

Mix56 · 22/11/2017 21:23

I would say, I'm not happy with that response, try another, including why there are another 2 in your drawer. Think carefully about what you really want the outcome to be. From where I'm standing, you are actively cheating on me, or trying to get shagged elsewhere. with or without success, this looks like its over

NextIndia · 22/11/2017 21:24

He is lying. How on earth could he not know how a condom got into his pocket? Wake up OP. He has either cheated or tried to.

Nutellalovesme · 22/11/2017 21:24

Why didn't you check his phone OP?

DeadButDelicious · 22/11/2017 21:24

Oh OP, it doesn't look good, I hope that your ok and getting things sorted whichever way the cards fall.

And don't worry about the 'too soon' comments, I met, moved in and got engaged to my DH in less than 6 months. We've been together for 13 years. Sometimes you just know. And sometimes you get it wrong. Both of those things are ok. You have nothing at all to feel stupid about. Thanks

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/11/2017 21:27

DId you ask about the other condoms?

2017SoFarSoGood · 22/11/2017 21:28

so sorry OP. What a dilemma. I don't think you will be able to just let this go, at least I wouldn't be able to move on without clarity here.

Two things I would do now: first, check the drawer - are they still in there? If not, you have your answer I fear. If they are, move to second -
ask him to show you his phone. If he's okay with that, great. You know what to do. If not, then you are back where you started.

Flowers
TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 21:31

Yes, I'm wondering about the others. If he knows they're there, he will probably now move and dispose of them (did you take a photo in case he denies this?). If they are just there from when he moved in and he's forgotten they exist, they will probably stay put. For this reason I wouldn't mention them.

I just don't buy the idea that you'd react so nonchalantly to this if you genuinely didn't know where it came from, but I wasn't there so don't know how he reacted. It's possible a mate stuck it in there for a laugh (are his mates 15 year olds, actually or mentally?) but doesn't explain the ones in his drawer and that's quite the coincidence.

I don't think you answered whether you used to use condoms with him so I assume you never did?

TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 21:32

If he's guilty he will have wiped anything suspect off his phone already, unless it hasn't been out of your sight.