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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 22/11/2017 19:20

People who say they wouldn’t snoop in this circumstance would you honestly not? I know I would!

Butterfr33 · 22/11/2017 19:21

There's nothing wrong with snooping if there's reasonable doubt. In this case there is!

Pombliboo123 · 22/11/2017 19:28

My DP asked me what I was reading so gave him a rundown.

As an almost reformed "bad boy" and he said he's lying - direct quote "fucking idiot at least think of a good excuse"

HighlyUnlikely · 22/11/2017 19:33

I hope you're okay OP, it's a shitty situation to find yourself in. My idiot Ex tried to bumble his way out of something like this when I found a packet of condoms in his overnight bag. Claimed his 15 year old daughter had borrowed the bag... as if she'd have been seen dead with his scruffy old bag, she had a huge collection of lovely bags and was very fashion conscious. Watching him panicking and blustering was hideous.

Good luck.

roconnell · 22/11/2017 19:39

Initially I was ready to tell you that the condoms probably predate your relationship. DFiance and I both separately had condoms in our personal effects in the early stages of our relationship that predated our relationship. But since the update, seriously what a cop out of a response. OF COURSE he's lying. It's literally impossible for a condom to find its way into a back pocket without him knowing about it. He knew it was there because he put it there. Even if there was an innocent explanation, e.g. handed one on a night out, he had to have put it there. It's basically impossible for him not to have. So his response tells me that yes he put it there. And yes he is/was planning to cheat. It sounds harsh, but honestly, I've been there in the past, even if the truth never outs you'll never trust him again now. Get rid. Flowers

TammySwansonTwo · 22/11/2017 19:40

Agreed - my DH also said he's clearly up to no good, before he'd even heard the reaction.

I really hope you're okay OP. I hope you got a chance to look in his phone while he was showering because he'll certainly have been through it himself since then.

CatsCatsCats11 · 22/11/2017 19:45

Sorry op I agree his lying.

NewLove · 22/11/2017 19:45

I think you were foolish not to go through his phone first - any 'evidence' will now be gone and you will be forever left wondering...

I'm sorry he has done this to you flowers

Pombliboo123 · 22/11/2017 19:48

I am sorry you are going through this... it's awful Flowers

But now the seed has been planted and you'll be questioning everything... it's drive you crazy. I've been there and it's horrendous.

Nutellalovesme · 22/11/2017 19:48

Hope you are okay OP.
As others have said if it was totally innocent surely he would be racking his brains to remember how the condom in his pocket got there? I know that I would be if in his situation.
I hope you looked at his phone whilst he was showering you have every right to "snoop" in a situation such as this.
Also as others have said go and get checked out for STDs just in caseFlowers

TheTroutofNoCraic · 22/11/2017 19:50

I'm sorry OP...it doesn't look good at all. Hope you are ok.

hollie11 · 22/11/2017 19:53
Flowers
Ginpasta · 22/11/2017 19:56

I think he's lying too. Sounds like my ex husband - he gave me the same response after I found something in his pocket. My intuition told me this was not innocent......I was right. Hugs for you xxx

MrsAJ27 · 22/11/2017 19:58

I am sorry this has happened to you, I hope you are ok Flowers

MotherofTerriers · 22/11/2017 20:02

I'm so sorry. That's grim, take care of yourself

kittensinmydinner1 · 22/11/2017 20:07

I think everyone has got slightly hysterical.
The condoms in the packet could simply be from before they got together (or when they got together)
The single condom could have also been there for ages , could be a pair of jeans not warn for ages, handed to him in a 'promotion' on a night out... a million different reasons.

Dismissive attitude? Probably because it means nothing to him . After all he isn't privy to god knows how many people writing on this thread driving his girlfriend into a frenzy of paranoia .

I truly believe MN is never happier then when breaking up a relationship on a guess..

ADayGivingMeHope · 22/11/2017 20:14

What kitten said ☝🏻

FreckledFrog · 22/11/2017 20:20

Someone could have put it in there on a night out as a joke.

musketeersmama · 22/11/2017 20:21

Agreed kittens. My DH discovered a text on my phone that had been sent to me saying Hi Muskateer, was great to meet you the other night you sexy thing, if you fancy hooking up again call me. Now I'd absolutely no idea who this was from but assumed it was joke or something & ignored it. My DH found my reaction odd because I was so blasé but it was simply because I was innocent and didn't think it was a big deal. Turned out it was from a mutual friend who met a girl on a night out with the same name and accidental sent it to me.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/11/2017 20:21

Kitten I agree with you. Any relationship woe threads are greeted with LTB 9 times out of 10. Granted that those in healthy secure relationships have no reason to post. But going from only what the OP has posted it went from 'ask him' to 'Sorry OP, LTB' in a matter of minutes. Of course with the useful bosom-hoiking surrounding their non use of condoms and moving in together after 6 months.
MN is often a parallel universe.

ShellyBoobs · 22/11/2017 20:24

I agree with Kitten, too.

missingtheolddays · 22/11/2017 20:27

Horrible thing to discover. Sorry OP

grannytomine · 22/11/2017 20:27

Actually thinking about it FreckledFrog could be on to something. I do know someone whose two younger brothers would plant this sort of thing as they thought it was funny. Putting a needle through a condom packet was also considered a good laugh. Amazingly they did grow up but it was close at times.

Pombliboo123 · 22/11/2017 20:29

I don't disagree kittens... but I think a lot of women on here have been through it all, found half evidence, been lied to straight to their faces, driven themselves mad etc

grannytomine · 22/11/2017 20:30

I truly believe MN is never happier then when breaking up a relationship on a guess. I know what you mean but they usually "know" absolutely, no question, which is amazing when you think about it. They've never even met the man, only know a few details but they "know."