Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/11/2017 16:48

No man in his late 20s has a condom put into his back pocket as a joke.

Dailystuck71 · 22/11/2017 16:49

Sorry OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/11/2017 16:50

Yes he's lying.
I'm sorry - this is looking worse and worse.
Have you had a look on his phone.
Ignore all the guilt from others on here about snooping.
Without it, so many women would be completely clueless regarding their lying, cheating partners.
What did he say about the ones in his drawer??

ChocolateWombat · 22/11/2017 16:50

Just seen that you asked him.

Was he very blasé with that answer?. Did he realise you were worried and was that answer to deflect you and close it down?

If you are worried, you must say so. Can you ask if he is happy and if he considers sleeping with someone else? So extend the conversation and be clear that you NEED to have a proper conversation, because it has really worried you, and a one sentence answer isn't sorting it out for you. If he refuses to acknowledge that this should worry you or answer your questions, be clear that you can't be in a relationship with someone who won't engage when you've made a discovery like this - dont let him get off the hook of talking about it.

And if you're not satisfied, then I would walk away. I know it's hard...but tell him that if he can't talk in more detail about this and how you feel, there is no future.

All this suggestion of snooping for evidence - bad idea. If you are doing that, the trust is already gone and you need to walk away.

NeilPetark · 22/11/2017 16:51

Yes he’s lying, and if he doesn’t know how it got there. How did the ones in his drawer get there? Magic?

Cambam2010 · 22/11/2017 16:51

I'm naturally suspicious so if he takes his phone upstairs today or takes longer in the shower then I would say he is killing time and thinking of excuses. After he comes down stairs check to see if the ones in the drawer have moved before asking him about them

hellsbellsmelons · 22/11/2017 16:52

Tell him not to treat you with such disdain and disrespect and to not fucking insult your intelligence!!!!
I fucking hate men!
It's not his??
Hahahaha - it must have been the condom fairies then.
Grrr..... I am so angry on your behalf.
They really do think all 'wimmin' are thick as pig shit!

Cambam2010 · 22/11/2017 16:53

Also if you do not get a satisfying answer this will bug you for a long time and will eat away at you and the relationship. So there needs to be no nagging doubts.

JollyWankers · 22/11/2017 16:53

Well I could've seen that coming.Hmm

Oddish · 22/11/2017 16:53

If you feel he is lying then yes, he probably is lying Sad Sorry OP.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/11/2017 16:54

Go to his drawer now and see if the others are still there. If they are, photograph them and don't mention them - see if he moves them later.

wuckfits · 22/11/2017 16:54

I was out one night and my friend went home with a guy, he had a condom in his pocket , all prepared then told her after they done the deed he had a gf and left.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 22/11/2017 16:56

If he refuses to acknowledge that this should worry you or answer your questions, be clear that you can't be in a relationship with someone who won't engage when you've made a discovery like this - dont let him get off the hook of talking about it.

This. Dismissing your feelings is not good enough.

RebeccaBunch · 22/11/2017 16:58

I guess it just fell into his pocket as he was walking down the street. Amazing. Why couldn't it be fifty quid?

How did he react? Shocked? Curious? How would you react if there was a condom in your jean pocket that you didn't put there?

He could well have has an "oh fuck I left a condom in my jeans pocket in the wash" moment at some point today also and so "prepared" himself.

Denial is always first response of cheaters/liars.

RebeccaBunch · 22/11/2017 16:59

if he's got a lunchtime prostitute habit there may well be nothing on his phone.

Nikephorus · 22/11/2017 17:00

Denial is always first response of cheaters/liars.
And the first response of someone who's done nothing wrong...

GreyOwls · 22/11/2017 17:02

He should be desperate to prove to you that he's not cheating, not simply shrugging it off like a mis-delivered parcel.

Look at the cheater's Script.

GracielaSabrocita · 22/11/2017 17:04

I fucking hate men!

They really do think all 'wimmin' are thick as pig shit!

The one in this thread does so the rest must too?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/11/2017 17:06

I'm worried, too, that you've never used condoms with him - now might be the time to get tested regardless of this.

RebeccaBunch · 22/11/2017 17:06

And the first response of someone who's done nothing wrong...

If my P found a condom in my pocket and I didn't put it there my first response would be disbelief, followed by confusion, followed by denial. Then I'd be trying very hard to figure out where it could have possible come from.

NaiceBiscuits · 22/11/2017 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 17:07

OP what happened after he said that? Can he see how upset you are? He needs to reassuring you its innocent, working out where and when he wore them, calling his brother in front of you etc not just dismissing and ignorong

user1495832265 · 22/11/2017 17:07

He’s lying.

There may be nothing on his phone, he may have had a ONS on a night out, shagged someone at the back of the pub, in club toilets, or anywhere. As a pp said if he has a lunchtime sex worker habit too.
Nothing on his phone isnt proof of anything.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/11/2017 17:08

Is the condom still “moist”?

If it was ripped off the other condoms some time ago; it won’t be.

eddielizzard · 22/11/2017 17:11

lying Sad