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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
Charolais · 22/11/2017 16:35

Maybe it was a prank. When my son was in Uni his friend gave him this yellow condom as a joke (can’t remember the joke).

Anyway it was on my son’s dresser for years, hidden under something, and one day I took it and put it in my husbands wallet.

He opened his wallet up while out shopping and had one hell of a laugh.

We’re in our 60’s and our baby making days long over.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 22/11/2017 16:40

If he's a cheat, be prepared that he will lie.

If he gives you an "innocent" explanation for this, ask him if he has any more. See if he admits to the ones in his drawer.

Bollocks to the people who say don't snoop. It's very unlikely he'll admit it. And then you'll have shown your hand and if he's a cheat he'll simply delete the evidence and you'll be left be doubting yourself. But with an awful feeling of not knowing what's true.

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 16:42

He's home and in the shower.

I showed him the condom, said I found it in his jeans pocket and asked him why he had it.

His answer was 'I don't know baby it's not mine and I have no idea where it came from'

OP posts:
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 16:42

He's lying, isn't he?

OP posts:
happypoobum · 22/11/2017 16:43

I would definitely go through his phone. I hope this works out OK for you OP Flowers

c3pu · 22/11/2017 16:43

His answer was 'I don't know baby it's not mine and I have no idea where it came from'

Total cop out, LTB.

TempletonTreeThorpe · 22/11/2017 16:43

I think there's probably a completely reasonable explanation along the lines of it being shoved into his old jeans from when they first dated and presumably used condoms. I never understand why people get so hyper over these things...

I would have sent him a photo already and asked what the deal was, but then i'm straight forward lol

Angelwendy · 22/11/2017 16:44

Definitely lying seeing as you found some in his drawer too. Why would there randomly be a condom in his jeans if he didn't put it there?!

c3pu · 22/11/2017 16:44

He's lying, isn't he?

Yes.

Mooey89 · 22/11/2017 16:44

Yes, he’s lying Op.
he doesn’t know how it got there, what about the ones in the drawer? That a mystery too?

ChocolateWombat · 22/11/2017 16:44

Well I would say, don't assume anything, but ask him.

In the end, asking is the only way to find out. Yes he might lie andbyoubwill have to judge that, but unless you ask, an innocent explanation will never make it to your ears. Snooping for evidence won't provide conclusive evidence and you will be left wondering.

I would approach this relatively light heartedly - 'look what I've found in your pocket' type comment.....and then just wait to see what he says.

If you don't feel comfortable with the explanation, say so. If this is clearly the end for you, say so. If you aren't sure what to do, say so.

Decide before you have the conversation, if he has cheated or been planning to, is that a deal breaker for you. It isn't for everyone and only you can decide if you will put up with it.
What about if he says there's an explanation but it's not convincing - are you willing to say this and walk away?
And if there is an innocent explanation which seems perfectly valid, are you willing to admit that you felt suspicious. I don't think you particularly need to apologise for this, in light of a condom being a suspicious thing for a non condom user to have, in an early stages relationship.

Don't delay, torturing yourself with the unknown and your worst fears. Get in and ask. It's better to know.

Animation86 · 22/11/2017 16:44

I don't know baby it's not mine and I have no idea where it came from

Denial = lies. How did it get in your pocket then, plonker

Fluffysparks · 22/11/2017 16:45

Oh I’m so sorry OP. Ask him if he ever keeps them and if the answer is no you’ll have your answer Smile Also wait a little, he may have formulated a lie in the shower so don’t jump on him with questions as he could be making his own trap right in front of you.

tinymango · 22/11/2017 16:45

Lol he doesn't know where it came from...

Wtfdoicare · 22/11/2017 16:45

I strongly suspect he is lying with his response. Sorry OP.

Albatross26 · 22/11/2017 16:45

Who the fuck wouldn't notice they had a random condom in their pocket? Sounds like bullshit

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville · 22/11/2017 16:46

Which pocket was it in? The front or back?

If it was in a back pocket it's POSSIBLE (maybe?!) that someone slipped it in there as a 'joke' - but if in the little tight front pocket then no - sorry - he must know how it got there.

RainbowPastel · 22/11/2017 16:46

Pack his stuff whilst he is in the shower of course he is lying.

SadClown · 22/11/2017 16:47

Yes he's lying. Check his phone, most called numbers etc.

happypoobum · 22/11/2017 16:47

Utter Bullshit.

Did he still leave his phone out?

Eliza9917 · 22/11/2017 16:47

Maybe it could be written off as a joke by a friend if there was only one, but as there are some in the drawer too, there's no way he doesn't know how they got there.

Nikephorus · 22/11/2017 16:47

Ask him about the others & when he last wore the jeans (and the time before that). Chances are the others will have moved with him, he wore the jeans with his brother, and the time before was prior to meeting you & that's when the condom went in the pocket so he doesn't remember it existing. You're risking your entire relationship just for one condom.

spatchcock · 22/11/2017 16:48

"His answer was 'I don't know baby it's not mine and I have no idea where it came from'"

Uh huh, sure. If it really wasn't his wouldn't he be racking his brains right now? I know I'd be pretty flabbergasted if I found a condom in an item of my clothing.

stayathomegardener · 22/11/2017 16:48

Don't tell him you know there are more upstairs yet.

SarahJConnor · 22/11/2017 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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