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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 22/11/2017 14:50

I am waiting for the "posh wank" brigade to arrive

I've been on MN almost a decade, but that's a new 'brigade' on me! Grin

VelvetKK · 22/11/2017 14:52

I agree that there aren't many plausible explanations that can be offered. I agree with the other poster that highlighted for someone to delete internet history and log out of fb to leave a condom in his pocket knowing it's in a communal laundry basket is sloppy.

Hope you're okay OP

Insomnibrat · 22/11/2017 14:52

I'm sorry OP but I have a bad feeling about this one. Just because he's picked up and dropped off doesn't mean he's at work/doesn't have an afternoon off. A determined party could even fit a shag in on the way home...
The Internet things would worry me too. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.....

That said, front him out face to face. He'll have a 24kt gold, fur lined, ocean-going belter of an alibi if you give him time to create one now.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/11/2017 15:01

I think I would check the phone, yes.

I am just pretty hard-faced about these things.

I've been with my DH years. We're happy (I think!)

If he had his suspicions, and checked my phone, I'd get it. I'd get why.

Maybe I've just been on here too long!

It's good to trust. That doesn't mean that you totally ignore potential evidence saying something dodgy is going on, because you totally and utterly trust your partner not to do anything.

I can't count the number of threads I've read where that's been proved horribly wrong.

So I trust my DH. I don't believe he'd cheat on me. But if I found something that got my suspicions up, I'd check it out.

Cambam2010 · 22/11/2017 15:04

I was legitimately using my partners laptop with his concent. He was in the house at the time. I had to use his email and he opened it all up for me so what I found was far from hidden. I saw email bookings for hotels in areas that my partner had said he had to go to for jobs (sounded legit at the time as he'd asked me to join him on the trip but I had work commitments). Turns out he'd been messaging a woman he'd met on POF. When I confronted him about the bookings he tried to fob me off with excuses about cancelled jobs and meeting friends in the area. But he is not a good liar face to face.

My point here is to wait and ask him face to face. You will get a vibe from his answer, his body language and the tone he uses.

Could be a valid reason for the condom in the pocket but having been burnt myself, I would be on the defensive and looking around for other signs.

Don't be fed a pack of lies because you want to hear him say he is innocent. try to listen to what he is saying before interupting him then take your time to work through in your head what he has said. Bide your time. Don't make hasty decisions.

SparklyMagpie · 22/11/2017 15:09

Hope you're ok OP x

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/11/2017 15:10

What does he do with his stuff while he's surfing? And any stitches/injuries?

Because condoms can be used to wrap a phone, or cover a wound, when doing water sports.

They are more frequently used to cheat on your GF though, so bear that in mind.

LondonAnne5 · 22/11/2017 15:12

I am also voting check the phone before he gets into the shower. Just so you have more proof if he is good at thinking on his feet.

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 15:12

I'm starting to feel really nervous about him coming home.

I just really hope there's an innocent reason. The thought of him cheating makes me feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.

OP posts:
CarlHickbread · 22/11/2017 15:12

Sorry you’re going through this OP.

I hope you can get some truth out of him when you speak to him Flowers

LondonAnne5 · 22/11/2017 15:14

You've got this OP!!! Be strong. Are you going to do the whole finding the condom in the jean pocket thing or just downright ask him?

MiraiDevant · 22/11/2017 15:14

And if he is innocent you have breached his trust. I have never snooped and never would. If someone did that to me it would be the end.

Imagine living with someone who thought the worst of you, who went through your phone, pockets, tablet? Who never believed you. Who set little traps for you and "watched your face" when quizzing you.

Still if you don't trust him OP then this is not the relationship for either of you.

RavenLG · 22/11/2017 15:15

I’d hate for you lot to be on a bloody jury, you’ve already condemned this bloke before he’s even aware of the situation.

Encouraging snooping is frankly ridiculous and shows a complete lack of respect for your partner. Wait until he gets in and have a rational talk with him, don’t let your imagination run away with you and don’t go into crazy mode.

Also, judging OP for moving in / contraception / doing his washing? Christ, you lot are ridiculous.

Hortonlovesahoo · 22/11/2017 15:21

Chat to him when he gets back and ask rationally what's going on. Face to face is important as 90% of communication isnt verbal so you'll be able to see things from his facial expression, mannerisms etc.

It could be completely innocent but who knows until you ask him.

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 15:22

You're all right about the snooping. It was a terrible thing to do and I feel absolutely horrible about it.

I'm not proud of myself right now.

I think I'm just going to ask him about it instead of 'finding' it in front of him.

I had no reason to doubt him before this so he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 15:24

MiraiDevant Id agree if he didn't have in recently worn clothes a CONDOM . if my DH found a condom in my coat pocket Id totally understand him snooping. Id expect him to watch my reaction. Id assume he'd think how best to get to the truth. .l
Wouldn't expect him to ask me casually and assume any old nonsense as the truth because o couldn't possibly lie or cheat

user1497997754 · 22/11/2017 15:24

I would have done things exactly the way you have don't take any notice of the people on here saying you have breached his trust etc....they are not in your situation and should not judge....I hope it is all innocent tho and all goes well when you speak to him

ememem84 · 22/11/2017 15:25

i hope there is an innocent explanation op.

MiraiDevant · 22/11/2017 15:25

Good luck OP - it isn't comfortable for you.
X

MotherofTerriers · 22/11/2017 15:25

I'm sorry, waiting is awful. I've been there. To be honest, I'd look at his phone. If you find nothing and he has a plausible reason for the condoms then you can be reassured
I found condoms in my STBX husband's desk drawer when I was covering for him at work. He lied, and I believed him. 15 years later I found out he had been cheating all the time. Probably makes me over-suspicious.

MistressDeeCee · 22/11/2017 15:26

I found a load of condoms in my drawer the other day. Id forgotten they were there, got them when had a check up. They've been there for many years, from before I met OH. Its made me think - if he'd found them he could well have thought I was cheating. Im not. But I think as they're in your man's recently worn jeans there could be an issue. Id ask, if I were you. I wouldn't sit and think. Ask him. If he gets really defensive and angry or doesn''t have an answer really, then you know. But he will likely explain it away as condom having been in his pocket for ages and he hadn't realised/doesn't wear the jeans much etc so all you can do is decide whether to believe him or not

MistressDeeCee · 22/11/2017 15:29

& so what re snooping - I would. Im not interested in sharing sexual partners in that way so if my man is sleeping with someone else as well as sleeping with me, then Id want to know about it. Its not a game, its your sexual health at risk so who bloody cares about all this "privacy", in these circs? You are snooping as you have a suspicion, its not out of the blue.

notapizzaeater · 22/11/2017 15:31

I found a condom in my ‘DH’ wallet after being together 5 years. I waited (longest 2 hours of my life) for him to come home, he tried to tell me that the lads had been blowing them up and putting them on their heads - turns out he was having an affair with my then best friend.

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 15:32

@bigapplerecords Good for you for giving him the benefit of the doubt. Please let us know what happens.

PollyPerky · 22/11/2017 15:32

There is nothing like finding a condom in the pocket that gets MN into a frenzy and auditioning for the new Sherlock Holmes series...

How does it take 10 pages and almost 300 comments to say either:

Ask him face to face
Go through his phone (big breach of personal respect in my book)
and try to gather 'evidence'.

If he IS about to cheat then he's a bit thick as well so you may as well dump him for that.

Still can't understand people who don't wash jeans for months or years- have you seen the state of the inside fly of a guy's jeans after a few wearings? Piss stained usually.