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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To ask my neighbour opposite to close her curtains?

205 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 21/11/2017 23:42

Last few days we’ve noticed a bit of odd behaviour from our neighbour opposite. She sleeps with her curtains open all night and then gets undressed/dressed with them open in the morning. When she’s going to bed she’s starkers! We’ve resorted to leaving our bedroom curtains closed all day everyday as she’s been naked during the day Confused

My husband opened our curtains this morning after we’d got dressed etc to find her stood staring across butt naked...husband went bright red and nearly ripped the curtains down pulling them shut...we’ve asked our neighbour next door but one if they’ve noticed ...they’ve said yes and asked her to close her curtains or put net curtains up etc she said she didn’t realise but this morning she’s starkers again! Aibu to think she should know better and at least close her curtains when getting dressed?

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 22/11/2017 00:28

It is illegal, actually.

Originalfoogirl · 22/11/2017 00:30

It is not illegal. It isn’t even illegal if you are naked out in public. It is only an offence if you are doing it intentionally to cause distress, upset or shock, and that is hard to prove, especially in your own home.

And if it were a guy, i’d say the same thing. This is not “flashing” And it is perfectly possible to look away.

Nyx1 · 22/11/2017 00:32

She's doing it to piss you off. Report on that basis? Just as you'd report a flasher

Bloopbleep · 22/11/2017 00:32

Do you spend all day in your bedroom OP? If not, why do you need to keep the bedroom curtains closed all day? Why don’t you put up nets if it offends?

I agree with others saying don’t look. If you can’t be naked in your own house where can you?

That said, I love the idea of it being illegal to be naked in your own house and can only imagine how people would struggle to bathe and change clothes🧐

Mandalorian · 22/11/2017 00:35

There was a woman that did this at the bottom of my street when I was a teenager. She was in her forties which was obviously ancient to teenage me but she seemed to delight in giving passers by a show of an evening. She'd stand in the window with the lights on and kind of prance about a bit. You couldn't not notice her really especially as she was opposite the bus stop we all waited in.

One night we went past in a group and a few of the lads pointed, laughed and generally took the Piss. Her curtains remained firmly shut after that.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 22/11/2017 00:36

Or you could stop peeping at her
Stop staring into her house

Stop this.

The neighbour might or might not be a flasher- we don't know what her motive is.

The OP on the other hand has every right to spend as long as she wants looking out of her own window.

ferrier · 22/11/2017 00:37

So the answer is to alert neighbour to the fact that.it causes distress and then the next time she does it she does commit an offence.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 22/11/2017 00:39

That said, I love the idea of it being illegal to be naked in your own house and can only imagine how people would struggle to bathe and change clothes

Oh don't be ridiculous. There is a world of difference between that and deliberately getting undressed or walking around in the expectation you will be seen.

RavenBlack · 22/11/2017 00:39

Don't care what anyone says about 'it's only a body,' and 'don't look then;' it's fucking WEIRD to prance around next to a window that faces out into a public area/other peoples houses, when you're stark bollock naked!!! Come off it people, you don't seriously expect me to believe you all think this is OK, or you all do it!

The ones who actually do think it's OK (and I bet there are very few,) are probably the same ones who prance around 100% naked in communal changing rooms in swimming baths, gyms, and clothes shops, with their tits 2 feet away from people they don't even know, and their fanjo on full show, not caring if that person is feeling awkward, because 'it's only a body!' And anyone who feels uncomfortable can look the other fucking way, the uptight, boring prudes. Probably virgins, all of them! Hmm

Well ya know what you exhibitionists; no-one wants to see your hairy fanjo or your tits hanging out. NO-ONE. Keep them bloody covered!

You can bet also, that the vast majority of women who do this, are over 40. Don't know why, but it's never young women who do it. I guess the answer will be 'because middle aged women - and older women, have more confidence and don't care what people think.' When the truth is that they are arrogant show-offs, who think that if they wish to flash their bits, that everyone should see them, so everyone can see what a super confident woman of the world they are! AND.... it's only a body!

Bore off! Hmm

As someone said, if it was a MAN doing this (making sure people can see him naked in his home,) he would be arrested for indecent exposure. Why the hell should it be different for a woman? This 'I am in my own home' line is bollocks. If you are in your own home and you are naked, and people can see you from outside your home, close the curtains or blinds FFS! Hmm

Redguitar2 · 22/11/2017 00:51

RavenBlack your post really made me laugh. So very true, all of it.

Theresnonamesleft · 22/11/2017 01:02

I started flashing my tits during my late teens early 20's.

I do miss a neighbour of mine. He used to walk around in the buff.

worridmum · 22/11/2017 01:05

the problem is the current laws are such that a woman can be naked in her own house on full display and if you look and she complains you can be arrested for being a peeping tom but if its a man he is commuting the crime of indecent exposure in the same situation.

(or it was the case when I took my law degree bloody ages ago i do not know if they have changed this silly archaic
sexist law).

NoMudNoLotus · 22/11/2017 01:10

There is a possibility that this lady is poorly - as in she has become mentally unwell.

It is common for people who have bipolar/manic illness to become disinhibited and strip themselves naked and become provokative . Its not intentional at all in this situation.

I would be worried about this lady. I would probably just nip round to see what the situation is .

This could be a vulnerable lady .

RavenBlack · 22/11/2017 01:11

@redguitar2

Smile Grin Blush

mimibunz · 22/11/2017 01:44

Reminds me of the good old days of living in Los Angeles and the guy across the way used to lift weights completely naked.

Battleax · 22/11/2017 01:56

I suggest you staple the "keep our curtains closed all day, every day" policy to the join in your bedroom curtains. Your husband seems to be off-message.

oldlaundbooth · 22/11/2017 02:03

As if the OP is gonna stop looking out of her winda of a morning Confused

People need to cover up.

Maybe she's subtly inviting you for a 3 way?

Battleax · 22/11/2017 02:04

Good point. Does she have pampas grass OP?

PeapodBurgundy · 22/11/2017 02:23

FFS she's in her own house, she can be as naked as she wants! Unless she's waiting for you to arrive at your window, then stripping off/dancing/jumping up and down I would think it's fair to assume she's just going about her daily business.

Do all of you advocating ringing the police not think they have better things to do with their time?

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 22/11/2017 02:23

Funny I should read this as I was only reading a story this morning about a man who was caught flashing in his window by a woman & child but he was masterbating too he was charged with flashing etc & got caught again doing it by a lady & got charged again, sure if she is blatantly doing it knowing outside can see it it would be the same sort of thing, I'm all for its just a body that's my attitude in my home but I still wouldn't want my girls seeing a grow man naked every time they looked out they windows or my nephew seeing a woman naked,
I have a friend who when in her kitchen you can see her neighbour in his bedroom naked all the time he clearly dissent realise you can see him from her kitchen but then again if we can see him he can see us, I dljust don't look when I'm there but kinda harder when its your own house

BeALert · 22/11/2017 02:44

You really should listen to the podcast I linked to up there. It's wonderful and relevant and you might cry.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/11/2017 03:55

Its really very simple.

Send a signed for letter stating that she can be seen and is causing offence and distress so please can she stop.

Either she is utterly mortified and keeps her curtains closed, problem solved. Or she doesnt in which case you know it is deliberate and you have proof to show the police.

"oh its just a body......" Not all perverts own a penis Hmm

tooheavyforsuperman · 22/11/2017 04:01

BeALert I just listened to the podcast you linked. Such an unexpected little story. Lovely and sad.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/11/2017 04:51

And if it was a man doing this

There was a thread a week or so ago with a bloke doing this it went much the same way.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/11/2017 04:54

Oh don't be ridiculous. There is a world of difference between that and deliberately getting undressed or walking around in the expectation you will be seen

How daft would you have to be to not realise that the bit of see through glass you are stood in front of looking out of and able to see your neighbours behind their own see through glass, meant that you could be seen as well