'Jokey remarks... EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

[Wanderlust1984]

I work for a company where I'm based in a few different locations. I have flexi time so as long as I do my hours, I can pretty much start and finish when I want. I use it to take my DD to school a few times a week, it's a brill perk of the job and really comes in handy. I'm currently on a project where I'm in a shared project office based with a few people who work for our main contractor on this project. They usually start very early, around 6-7am. They're on flexi time too and most of them like the early finish. Also sometimes I'll have meetings elsewhere then head to the project office afterwards.

There's one bloke who comments EVERY FUCKING DAY, regardless of what time I start. Like today, I was in at 7am (not particularly unusual) and when he seen me he dramatically stopped in his tracks, held his hand over his heart and exclaimed "sorry, it's the shock of seeing you before 10am!". Or it's 'good afternoon' if I go in after the school run or a meeting held elsewhere. If I've been working from home for a day (something that's again, in my contract and really handy if I need to just get my head down and get a report finish or the likes. If I tell hi his he sniggers and says 'Yeah, working from home' with inverted commas on the 'working'.

Now I can take a joke, but it's getting to the point I'm losing it with him. My working hours are none of his business, his company are doing work for the company I work for! My line managers trust me an know if never take the piss. I've tried saying things like 'jokes get old ya know' and ignoring him but he then calls me grumpy.

Am I being ultra sensitive or is it ok that I feel like punching him in the nose???

To all the people saying this guy is jealous of your flexitime, did you miss
'They're on flexi time too and most of them like the early finish

This man is not making jokes.You've no doubt heard 'Many a true word spoken in jest'.He is basically using humour to accuse you of not doing your hours and taking the company for a ride..So DO NOT reply in jocular form. Treat it seriously.If this continues people will start to think there is no smoke without fire and start affecting how people view you. I would speak to your boss first

Are you genuinely concerned that I'm cheating the company by working short hours?

I wouldn't say that - he hasn't said it, so you are putting words in his mouth, and possibly giving him an opening to suggest you feel guilty.
Just ask him to explain his comments - he will find that very hard, without looking an even bigger dick than he is already.

^^ this. I'd ask him to explain what he means, and state I've noticed he only makes comments like this to women. THen I'd just let there be a long, awkward silence while he processes that.

Please don't make a jokey response to him. What he is doing is not a joke, and is not meant to be funny. Don't let him have that power over you. Call him out, exactly as the first poster on this thread suggested. Just do it. Quietly, but seriously. Then wait for his response.

I worked in construction industry and dealt with sub contractors. I had alot of crap aimed at me.

I bought a black book. Every time one of these comments happened I would repeat it back to them word for word in a questioning tone.
I would then get out my book and pretend to write it down. I always checked the date with another colleague, as if I was recording that too.

If they asked what was writing/ doing I just gave a sad smile and carried on working.
It worked a treat!

“can you write down all your jokes about my flexi time from now on, i’ll Save them up and read them on the toilet.”

This is the best one!!

“”I bought a black book. Every time one of these comments happened I would repeat it back to them word for word in a questioning tone.
I would then get out my book and pretend to write it down. I always checked the date with another colleague, as if I was recording that too.

If they asked what was writing/ doing I just gave a sad smile and carried on working.
It worked a treat!””
*
Love this*

Personally I would try and nip it in the bud with some well placed humour. Next time he air quotes "flexi time" go back with wow you're "hilarious" (air quoting hilarious obvs).

THIS, over, and over again!

Just tell him straight up: "your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me or I will take this further" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Warn him that you find his remarks unfunny, offensive, un-called for, rude, inappropriate and disrespectful, and require him to stop forthwith and, no matter what he says in reply, keep repeating this until he either apologises or walks away. Follow this up with an email re-iterating the fact that you find his remarks unfunny, offensive, un-called for, rude, inappropriate and disrespectful, and require him to stop forthwith, heading the email "As discussed".

If he does it again, simply re-send him the email, copying in your line manager, your union shop-steward if you have one and the HR department if there is one.

Without a doubt, go with the "write a list, I'll read it on the bog" option.

Complaints are too heavy. Air quotes are not funny.

Dh has a friend who is like this..has to make passive aggressive jokes about everyone constantly ,such a wanker. Funnily he doesn't do it when you're on your own with him..it's only with an audience of one or more.

He’s a subcontractor? Why don’t you get him replaced? Ask his company to change personnel.

Give him one warning that you are going to request his replacement if you want to be nice, but why on earth are you putting up with this?

Would a man put up with this shit? No way.

I had similar at Work, first I pointed out that I got paid less as part time, then I started making ‘jokes’ about my ‘grievance log’ ha ha ha so funny jokes. Arseholes stopped commenting after that.

Wow! A lot of downplaying of, while low level, consistent and repeated harassment and bullying of op which in all likelihood IS because she's a woman. (Written before op confirmed he ONLY does this shit to female colleagues).

"He fancies you" "just ignore him" "make a funny comment back" "don't tell" - if your child was being subjected to verbal bullying would this be your advice?

"He fancies you" - makes it even LESS acceptable
"Just ignore him" he'll just keep escalating until he DOES get a reaction
"Make a funny comment back" -
A - why sink to his level
B - wouldn't put it past this type of idiot to then complain about OP
C - even if he didn't complain he could well see this as he IS funny and she thinks so too and it's just 'banter'
D - as others have pointed out if it did get worse and op takes it higher he'll claim it was 'just banter, she was doing it too'

This type of bullying is insidious and difficult to prove but has an effect on mental health and confidence all the same.

It is COMPLETELY unacceptable.

I would (with the benefit of experience - this type of thing almost caused me to have another breakdown in my last job, where I was at a disadvantage was it was my line manager doing it, and I wasn't oversensitive I was ill and vulnerable which line manager knew) tackle it straight on. Without losing temper or saying anything out of turn, I would say something like

"Your comments are not funny, they're not welcome, they're unprofessional, inappropriate and accusatory as someone hearing them could infer I am not putting in the hours I'm paid for. If you GENUINELY have a problem with the hours you THINK I work, which by the way aren't even any of your business, then by all means take it up with the appropriate authority. If not they need to stop NOW or I will be the one escalating matters by raising a grievance regarding your continued harassment of a female client."

MrsJ12 could not disagree more

You are not being funny he would have had sharp end of my tongue by now and I have a sense of humour

@Firecracker2

This man is not making jokes. You've no doubt heard 'Many a true word spoken in jest'.He is basically using humour to accuse you of not doing your hours and taking the company for a ride..So DO NOT reply in jocular form. Treat it seriously. If this continues people will start to think there is no smoke without fire and start affecting how people view you. I would speak to your boss first

All of this ...

This man is an asshole of the highest order, and he is (for some reason) trying to put you down. Jealous of your work hours, or just a massive misogynist, or just taking the piss, who cares? It's out of order.

@Wanderlust1984

I agree you should say nothing to him, and speak to your boss first.

Tell him it's slightly creepy he's watching your movements that closely.

Don't joke about or try and 'get in their first'.

Don't punch him or threaten any physical violence, even in jest.

Just follow shutitandtidyupgitface advice...
"Just tell him straight up: "your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me or I will take this further"

Plus I would add about being part time or flexi time, "Not that it is any of your business, but I work flexi time/part time."

Leave and ever after ignore.

OR

" ...say nothing to him, and speak to your boss first." As Jilly says.

How's it going today OP? Did he say anything?

Any joy?

Hi all, I ended up at a supplier's office all dat so haven't seen him! I'll be in the office early tomorrow so cue incoming comments... I COULD go to my line manager but to be honest he's never met him and is based at another location 100s of miles away so I'm probably better handling it myself. The other lady is his colleague, but she starts really early so escapes these comments! I'm already dreading going in and hearing his inevitable shitty digs again, but I do plan to have a word now. Unfortunately hes a specialist in what he does so wouldn't be easily replaced on the project. I am however, quite good mates with their PM (worked with him years ago), so if my words don't do anything I'm planning to have a word with him! Thanks all for your fab advice!

Namechange fail 😬
Good luck!

Ha fuck it 😂😂