'Jokey remarks... EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

[Wanderlust1984]

I work for a company where I'm based in a few different locations. I have flexi time so as long as I do my hours, I can pretty much start and finish when I want. I use it to take my DD to school a few times a week, it's a brill perk of the job and really comes in handy. I'm currently on a project where I'm in a shared project office based with a few people who work for our main contractor on this project. They usually start very early, around 6-7am. They're on flexi time too and most of them like the early finish. Also sometimes I'll have meetings elsewhere then head to the project office afterwards.

There's one bloke who comments EVERY FUCKING DAY, regardless of what time I start. Like today, I was in at 7am (not particularly unusual) and when he seen me he dramatically stopped in his tracks, held his hand over his heart and exclaimed "sorry, it's the shock of seeing you before 10am!". Or it's 'good afternoon' if I go in after the school run or a meeting held elsewhere. If I've been working from home for a day (something that's again, in my contract and really handy if I need to just get my head down and get a report finish or the likes. If I tell hi his he sniggers and says 'Yeah, working from home' with inverted commas on the 'working'.

Now I can take a joke, but it's getting to the point I'm losing it with him. My working hours are none of his business, his company are doing work for the company I work for! My line managers trust me an know if never take the piss. I've tried saying things like 'jokes get old ya know' and ignoring him but he then calls me grumpy.

Am I being ultra sensitive or is it ok that I feel like punching him in the nose???

@outout

Do you know how idiotic it is to simply "throw the word discrimination out"?

'you say that every time you ring at this time'

This makes sense.

Just keep responding 'you say that every time - it's time to stop now.'

I've actually got a.meeting with our QS this morning.. at another site! :) Then I think I'll come home to work as I've got a report to finish (that I was working on until late last night in my own time whilst he was probably in the pub). So tomorrow is the day!! I think I'm definitely gonna go with with "jeez your cracks shit mate, can't you think of anything else?? Maybe I need to consider this at evaluation criteria next time we're choosing subcontractors!!". Then if that doesn't work, I just might have to punch him on the nose.

I absolutely hate this op.
It’s basically, I’m going to insult you but dress it up as a joke because I haven’t got the balls to tell you what I really think. Haven’t read the whole thread yet do this has probably been said already. I will read it now

I work 30 hrs over 4 days, and have flexi-time. Essentially this means I don’t work on Mondays. One of my colleagues can not let this lie. Every single time I see him. At a training day recently he was demonstrating the plant that his team uses and told everybody “Bike doesn’t need to see this, we don’t do this on Mondays....”. He prides himself on working o/t every weekend.

Anyway, i called him out on it. He carried on. I went to his line manager. He’s shut up, and now actually rings me to tell me useful stuff, and fill me in on what’s gone on on Mondays.

"Aw bless, you really don't understand the concept of flexitime do you? Do you need me to explain it in simple words? I'm sure you'll understand if I dumb it down for you. Or should I get HR to explain it to you?"

"Oh James, I always thought the contractors we brought in to work for us were supposed to be smart, but understanding flexi-time just seems to be a step beyond your capabilities".

That, and (assuming when you're in late you work later than him) saying every time he leaves "Oh James, leaving early again! It's amazing you get any work done, leaving at this time everyday".

I am getting stressed just reading this thread because it is taking me back to my last job.

I was part time. In the beginning I was very part time. I only did 10 hours.
I had a colleague who was also PT but worked more than me.
EVERY bloody time I got ready to leave she would act surprised 'oh you off already?' and made ridiculous remarks at other times.
I actually started to feel guilty. Presumably she felt I should be putting in the same hours as her but unpaid?
In the end I asked her 'You do realise that I am part time and only work 10 hours don't you?'
She stopped doing it.

I should have done it about a year earlier than I did. I can't believe I put up with it.

Presumably if you start later you finish later so "going home again? Nice when you only work half a day isn't it?" In response every single day should help him get the message.

Personally depending on if there’s any other issues with this person or f not I think you are being a little over sensitive.

In my office the vast majority of people get in early and leave early. However others start late and finish late. I do a mixture (also because of school runs) plus I’m the only one who doesn’t work 5 days.

There’s always comments flying round to those finishing early, those starting late and to me for having a day off. It’s always by the same individuals but it’s harmless it’s just their attempt at humour and to make conversation. I can see it being annoying but they may just be trying to be friendly. I think you may just be feeling sensitivity as you’re aware you’re not following the norm and feel you should be justifying yourself (when I started doing 4 days I felt like this). I wouldn’t let it bother you, either ignore or just make a sarcastic comment back

Mrs
Its not funny, its not banter its digs at op every day. Its juvenile and disrespectful and he feels its his right to do it as she is a mere woman and works different hours from him which he resents. You can bet he doesnt say it to any of the men in her team.
She absolutely should not have to listen to this bully every single day at work its nothing to do with him what hours she works. She is effectively employing him as his company work for hers.

This suck it up its just fun attitide is how this shit is allowed to continue.

I agree with Willow and others, Mrs; it's not something anyone should just 'ignore' or sink to making sarcastic comments about.

This man is clearly making sexist comments to the OP and to other female colleagues. I don't believe for a second that it's an 'attempt at humour' or just 'to make conversation.'

It needs taking seriously. People cannot be allowed to get away with this shit in the name of 'banter'; that's a slippery slope.

Unless I’ve missed it no where did the OP say she was the only person he made these remarks to or that she was the only woman.

I agree he sounds extremely annoying but to jump on it being bullying and discrimination against the OP for being a woman is a little extremely in my opinion. If it’s causing the OP distress she should have a word with him (like I said he may just think it banter which has gone too far - sometime people just don’t have that filter to know when to stop) or pick it up with line management

Mrs, maybe I'm mistaken but I think the OP has posted once under a different UN and said: but he says such sexist things! Like he was talking to a lady who does the admin for us and she was talking about holidays and he thought it was funny to say "women, getting given holidays from work?! Whatever next".

So clearly at least one other woman is the target of his 'humour'.

Regardless of this, yes, I do think, and have said, that she should pick it up with line management. You say that above but don't mention it in your earlier post.

I cannot and will not agree that it's just banter or that she should have to join in by being sarcastic back, or continue putting up with it by ignoring him.

I don't feel bullied as such but to be fair there's only one other woman and we're the only two he ever 'banters' with. It may not be bullying but it drives me nuts!! If it was just a one off, I wouldn't think twice, but the frequency is just unreal. I'm going to say something when I go to the office tomorrow and he (inevitably) makes a comment. I'm doing the school run tomorrow so there's sure to be something said!

And yes I do go against the grain but it benefits the company also. Last week I was in a meeting until 9pm... my flexibility works both ways and my company are more than happy with it. The company he works for are contracted to us!!

'You're so jealous of my flexitime, aren't you!'
Followed by (after the inevitable can't take a joke/just a bit of banter)
'Not much of a joke when it's the same line every day'.

But yes to making an official complaint if he doesn't stop.

*"Maybe I need to consider this at evaluation criteria next time we're choosing subcontractors!!". ^
^
This OP. Time to show who is boss here.
It's the only thing these type of feckers understand.
He might go and join the Shitting Man thread then.... all of a concern that being a smart arse might lose the contract.

Just tell him straight up: "your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me or I will take this further"
^ This

Or just tell him if he continues you'll make a formal complaint to HR....Good Bye Christmas Bonus!

"a shit-eating grin and subsequent glide-off"

I have no idea what that sentence means.

Not in the slightest bit surprised that he only behaves like this with the two female staff.

only one other woman and we're the only two he ever 'banters' with

This says it all. He considers himself the 'Alpha Male' who's job it is to keep the 'womenfolk' in their place. He doesnt dare do it with the other men as he would be shot down in flames.
Tosser.

Women are overwhelmingly the ones who do flexitime due to school drop offs (although in my case my DH does the morning's. He has never once mentioned anyone commenting on him starting work late.) Comments like this are designed to undermine women in the workplace and go a long way toward the perception of women as less committed or reliable due to their family commitments when statistically the opposite is true.

I would absolutely take this further OP. It’s blatant sexism. He sounds like an utter dick.

@insomniacanonymous

Shit eating grin =
The most insincere smile you can think of

Glide-off =
An elegant departure as opposed to stomping off or running away

HTH

I would do a loud over the top yawn (incuding hand movement) followed by a "Yeah... you're boring me now Bob"