'Jokey remarks... EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

[Wanderlust1984]

I work for a company where I'm based in a few different locations. I have flexi time so as long as I do my hours, I can pretty much start and finish when I want. I use it to take my DD to school a few times a week, it's a brill perk of the job and really comes in handy. I'm currently on a project where I'm in a shared project office based with a few people who work for our main contractor on this project. They usually start very early, around 6-7am. They're on flexi time too and most of them like the early finish. Also sometimes I'll have meetings elsewhere then head to the project office afterwards.

There's one bloke who comments EVERY FUCKING DAY, regardless of what time I start. Like today, I was in at 7am (not particularly unusual) and when he seen me he dramatically stopped in his tracks, held his hand over his heart and exclaimed "sorry, it's the shock of seeing you before 10am!". Or it's 'good afternoon' if I go in after the school run or a meeting held elsewhere. If I've been working from home for a day (something that's again, in my contract and really handy if I need to just get my head down and get a report finish or the likes. If I tell hi his he sniggers and says 'Yeah, working from home' with inverted commas on the 'working'.

Now I can take a joke, but it's getting to the point I'm losing it with him. My working hours are none of his business, his company are doing work for the company I work for! My line managers trust me an know if never take the piss. I've tried saying things like 'jokes get old ya know' and ignoring him but he then calls me grumpy.

Am I being ultra sensitive or is it ok that I feel like punching him in the nose???

"I'd prefer you to stop making comments about my flexible working hours. It's rude and unnecessary."

So this bloke is working for your employers? You are a client of his? I work in a client-facing business and I wouldn't dream of saying this to anyone employed by a client - it's rude and inappropriate.

Whether you take the jokey/sarky approach or the serious one, definitely say something. If he doesn't stop (not just stop doing it as much, but actually stop), then speak to his line manager.

You need to make Karen Walker your spirit animal

Next time he does it:

Stop. Pull out a diary/notebook. Look at watch, lick pencil and write down exactly what was said, when, and who was there in the room. If he asks what you are doing say 'I have been advised to document every instance of bullying'. And say no more.

If he does it again, do exactly the same. With a smile on your face.

With 3 counts of bullying, go to HR and put a grievance in with your evidence.

It usually stops after the first one as they don't know who has advised you of what, and they don't know if anyone internally is watching them.

What about sighing then ostentatiously taking out a notebook to log his comments? If he asks what you're doing, say it's a log and leave it at that. His paranoia may stop him, and as a bonus you will actually have a log of comments in case you feel you need to take it further!

This is bullying and harassment of the kind that makes life difficult for working mums and puts them off returning to work. Your working hours are your legal right. He is a misogynist and needs to be formally wanted. He's not funny either.

That's the second time I've said the exact same thing as someone else! I must be plugged into the Matrix

He’s doing some work for the company you work for. That effectively makes you the client, doesn’t it?

When he's leaving before you just make similar comments 'enjoy your afternoon off..oh sorry that's every day', 'skiving again' etc. Whether he takes it in good spirit will show whether he is joking or bullying.

That's the second time I've said the exact same thing as someone else! I must be plugged into the Matrix

Shit that means...OMG!

Definitely do fizzy's sign. The problem with saying something, anything, back to him is you'll probably have to continually repeat yourself and he'll either accuse you of being a grump or will try to out-joke you, which will be really tedious. Keeping silent but pointing to a sign will shut him up more quickly.

Please don't respond by talking back, replying etc. This is what he wants - a response. If you ignore him, he will stop. It make take a bit of time, but once he realizes that you aren't going to rise to his remarks, it won't be fun for him anymore.

“you keep bringing up my working hours and schedules as a ‘joke’, but they’re not really funny - they’re passive aggressive digs. Are you concerned I’m cheating the company by not working as much as I’m being paid for? If so that’s an issue to bring up with your manager. If not, then I suggest you stop with the unfunny jokes because they’re persistently aimed at me and I’ll be forced to take it further”

I like this, it's professional and straight to the point. Engaging with him with your own "jokes" won't do anything.

What a tiresome bore.

As much as I like the sign idea, doing something like that will just show him that he has got to you so much that you have actually taken the time to sit and create a sign. Whereas you should really just dress him down swiftly and get on with your day to show him that you're not giving him the headspace he so desperately wants.

His comments are inappropriate as he’s dragging it out to beyond banter - I would say the next time ‘do you know what flexi time actually means darling?’, ‘it’s so weird how you always comment on when I start, can you stop?’

Talk to your/his line manager. We had a security guard like this at my office, but he was also flirty and generally inappropriate, group of us eventually spoke to our line manager who saw that he was transferred to a different location

"I know, isn't it great to have such flexible hours, one of the perks of my seniority here - but don't worry, if you work hard enough, one day you might get there as well'

Just say

"This jokes aren't funny, they are not welcome so you have two choices, you can stop them immediately or I can escalate this, but remember who's company works for who's. Now which will it be, a one word answer will be sufficient"

Gobshite

AlternativeTentacle that is brilliant - log his comments, its the best way to make him stop. If he doesn't stop you have evidence to take it further. Tempting as it is I wouldn't engage with him or make "jokes" back because then he is getting a response and sees that you are riled.

Good luck, he sounds like a total cockwomble.

Next time you are leaving for whatever reason, hand him a pen and piece of paper and say “can you write down all your jokes about my flexi time from now on, i’ll Save them up and read them on the toilet.” Then walk out without waiting for a reaction.

your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me

This^

IMO this is all that is needed. Personally I wouldn't ostentatiously diarise what he said right in front of him. Unless that's how you want to go. You're the one who knows how the land lies.

I would still diarise what was said and when and either speak to a Manger or HR giving the full background, not just the diarised incidents.

Don't give him an idea or threat that you will take it further. He might goad you and say, 'ooh I'm scared' or have you told teacher er I mean a Manager or HR. I bet you haven't.'

I like the other posters that have advised the OP to say that their work and their hours are up to date. You could turn that around to say to him, 'you sound like you are accusing me of fraud ? Are you accusing me of fraud ?'

Don't forget bullies are shameless and also believe themselves to be, 'bullet proof'.

Why don't you just ask him if he has a problem, he'll squirm and deny he has a problem, reply oh, it's just you keep making comments every time I see you about my flexible working hours, then stand there and keep looking at him, with a smile on your face, waiting for his reply...

Don't give him the pleasure of telling him you find it insulting. Just ask him what his problem is.

I endorse the straight faced approach. Please come back and tell us how you get on.

You're not being sensitive at all, he's a bully. Complain to HR - you're probably not the only one.

I think you have to go a bit formal and say

“Look, your comments about my arrival/departure times are both inappropriate and unwanted. They stop now ok?”

If, as I suspect he will, he makes a comment about not taking a joke you simply say ‘they are NOT funny, they are inappropriate and unwanted. Stop it.”

Don’t say you are going to hr or anything - no threats. Just cool calm, collected and clear. And make a note of when you said it and who was around.

If he is as much of a knob as he sounds, he might move onto something like ‘oh! Here comes Wanderlust, nobody say anything inappropriate!’ THAT’S when you go to HR.

IMO this is all that is needed. Personally I wouldn't ostentatiously diarise what he said right in front of him.

People that make these type of 'jokes' don't give a shit whether you find them offensive, in fact I'd go so far as to say they are finding that fact that the OP finds them offensive as the bonus.

Noting their comments down and stating that they have been advised to record all instances of bullying - plays with their minds and makes them think twice about who else is diarising their comments. It could be everyone. It is also drawing a line in the sand and confirming that advice has been taken. He doesn't need to know who has given that advice.