'Jokey remarks... EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

[Wanderlust1984]

I work for a company where I'm based in a few different locations. I have flexi time so as long as I do my hours, I can pretty much start and finish when I want. I use it to take my DD to school a few times a week, it's a brill perk of the job and really comes in handy. I'm currently on a project where I'm in a shared project office based with a few people who work for our main contractor on this project. They usually start very early, around 6-7am. They're on flexi time too and most of them like the early finish. Also sometimes I'll have meetings elsewhere then head to the project office afterwards.

There's one bloke who comments EVERY FUCKING DAY, regardless of what time I start. Like today, I was in at 7am (not particularly unusual) and when he seen me he dramatically stopped in his tracks, held his hand over his heart and exclaimed "sorry, it's the shock of seeing you before 10am!". Or it's 'good afternoon' if I go in after the school run or a meeting held elsewhere. If I've been working from home for a day (something that's again, in my contract and really handy if I need to just get my head down and get a report finish or the likes. If I tell hi his he sniggers and says 'Yeah, working from home' with inverted commas on the 'working'.

Now I can take a joke, but it's getting to the point I'm losing it with him. My working hours are none of his business, his company are doing work for the company I work for! My line managers trust me an know if never take the piss. I've tried saying things like 'jokes get old ya know' and ignoring him but he then calls me grumpy.

Am I being ultra sensitive or is it ok that I feel like punching him in the nose???

Another vote for Fizzy's sign.

Failing that, I would look at him in the eye, cock my head slightly, then say in a thoughtful tone "I think you need some new material, Chris" then glide away without waiting for an answer.

Maybe it's a pathetic attempt to flirt with you

your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me

^this

And then complain to his manager.

Just tell him straight up: "your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me or I will take this further"

Totally agree with this. Being light about it clearly isn't working, so you might as well be po-faced. Make sure you know HOW to take it further, though, so you can follow through if you need to!

Even if you do get him to stfu you will still get sidelong glances from him. Another form of bullying, so you know what to do......

^I would do as toomuchtoold suggests and go in seriously with " You make a lot of comments about my working hours. Are you genuinely concerned that I'm cheating the company by working short hours? Because otherwise I'd like you to stop making these jokes, because I don't want other people picking up the impression that I'm lazy."*

Do not use the last bit: Because otherwise I'd like you to stop making these jokes, because I don't want other people picking up the impression that I'm lazy.

If you do, you end up playing into his hands because you'll give the impression there really is something in it and that you don't want others to see it.

The other version I've seen suggested: If so that’s an issue to bring up with your manager. If not, then I suggest you stop with the unfunny jokes because they’re persistently aimed at me and I’ll be forced to take it further doesn't give any such impression, but is completely professional, giving no room for any further digs.

The first comment said it all....

Just tell him straight up: "your jokes are not funny and I find them insulting and offensive. Stop making remarks about me or I will take this further"

Some people think they are funny (especially men!) And silly little petty remarks are just 'banter,' but it can be very tiresome.

You need to tell him straight that the comments are pissing you off. Say, 'I have a good sense of humour, but the same thing being repeated over and over is just boring and annoying. I am entitled to come what time I like and leave what time I like. Do you not get the concept of flexi-time?'

I worked part time - 3 days a week - when my kids were little. I started at 8am, and finished at 2.45pm. (6 hours 15 minutes a day, with a 30 minute lunch, 3 days a week.) My lovely hubby took the kids to school and I would get them back.

Anyhoo, I used to leave at 2.45pm, and every fucking day, this one bloke in the office would make a comment.

He said 'oooh all right for some, working part time, part-timer, slacker ha ha lololollll!!

Fuck off!!!

He was only joking though.. ha ha ha lol rofl lmao! Arsehole.

He was 28-ish and lived with his parents, and there is nothing wrong with that, but the fact was that he did 9 to 5, and then went home and played on his xbox for 2 hours, had his dinner then went out with his mates, or sat in watching tv. No responsibilities, no bills, no kids, nothing!

When I left the workplace at 2.45pm, my 'work' did not stop. I picked up my kids, then popped to the shops for some bits, went home and played with them for an hour, did some ironing, hoovering, washing, preparing dinner and so on. I didn't mind, as I love my family, and am happy to look after them, but don't act like the ONLY work I do is the 18 and three quarter hours a week that I'm in the office, you asswipe!

Oh god I hate flexi time snobs used to get it in my last job after usually coming in at 9.05 because I dropped DD off at Nursery. We couldn’t arrive before 8am, the snobs always did and then left at 4pm. I actually left at 5.30pm so did more work most days. I started to counter it by saying (when they got up to leave at 4pm) “LEAVING EARLY AGAIN? I’m amazed you still have a job with all this bunking off”

I think you would do better with a funny comeback than threats to report to HR.
Yes, he's a woman-hating tosspot and yes, it's bullying behaviour but it's generally better to make people like this look fucking stupid than run off crying to HR. For low-level nastiness like his, complaining can make you look like a sneak and a telltale, whereas laughing in his face allows you to spin the 'can't take a joke' right back at him.

I would just punch him!

Honestly, I finish 15 mins earlier than standard finishing time and I get comments all the time.
I get people trying to count up how many hours I do and all sorts and suggesting I'm on the fiddle. Doesn't occur to them that my pay might be adjusted accordingly or actually it's none of their business!
The joke of it all is that anyone who has unofficially adjusted their hours without permission, no one says a thing! Some people work extra all week and have Friday afternoon off! I'm the only one with a flexible working contract, an official approved request. We don't have flexible working at our place apparently unless you apply but if you do, you're treated like some sort of criminal.
I really don't think I would be able to tolerate this, as basically he is trying to say you are dishonest.
He has no right to do that.
I would firstly make it clear that the joke was old right from the first time he said it and tell him to stop. If he doesn't or he modifies his harassment after you've told him to stop, then you need to get HR involved.

Good luck!

What a twat.

Heavy sigh and a voice dripping with sarcasm: "It's called FLEXITIME, Bob, look it up" should work. Say it every single time.

'Same dull fucking jokes every day' is what I'd say.

(But I really really want you to do the sign....)

Answer every comment with a question, ‘Why do you say that, can you explain?’

He will no doubt say something about it being a joke. Reply ‘Oh when does the comedian arrive?’

Do NOT 'go nuclear' on him or even tell him where to get off that's not totally professional/and or polite. That's when he will have the gall to go to the managers with a complaint about you.

It's about stopping him remarking on it every single time. Not getting one over on him so the final SHUT UP from you will probably never come.

If you get cross he will just laugh at you and make further digs. He is jealous/resentful of your working arrangements. If he had the seniority to get those flexi hours I bet he wouldn't be doing family chores and/or logistics or child care with the flexible time.

It will be interesting to see if he diarises when you come and go at work and takes it to a Manager. Said Manager will say, 'yes, that's right. Your problem is ?'

he fancies you

complaining can make you look like a sneak and a telltale

I wouldn't give a rat's ass what this man thought of me and I'd much rather tell him straight to stop it, and then go to HR if he didn't, than get into trying to come up with funny comebacks. He's not worth the energy, frankly.

I would put money on him not saying this to a bloke.

think you would do better with a funny comeback than threats to report to HR.

Erm, no, IMO. That just means she accepts his behaviour and it's their jokey bit of banter. Every.damn.day.

Yes, he's a woman-hating tosspot and yes, it's bullying behaviour but it's generally better to make people like this look fucking stupid than run off crying to HR.

Depends on the circumstance. Like I've said, bullies are shameless and just think it's funny when someone tries to stand up to them.

For low-level nastiness like his, complaining can make you look like a sneak and a telltale,

Personally, if I was pissed off enough I would not care.

whereas laughing in his face allows you to spin the 'can't take a joke' right back at him.

At which point he takes HIS bruised ego to his manager or HR and remarks, 'I only said' and further says, 'it's part of our jokey banter we have with each other.'

So you could get called in too and admit you allowed yourself to descend to his level, pretty much at his request.

Think of the prospective interview question, 'how do you/have you dealt with difficult people ?' (You may have ten times better answers than how dealt with this particular arsehole.)

Tell him he’s boring and to concentrate on his own work. Keep it simple and effective.

Best to do this by the book in case you have to escalate the problem to your manager.
You say to the offender, I do not want you to make any more remarks to me about when I start or finish work.
Say it calmly but clearly so he knows what you mean, you do not have to have a conversation about it.
If he makes any further remarks to you about your time keeping go to your immediate manager and explain the situation as you are now been harassed.
If you can get any friendly witnesses to back you up all the better.
Do not make it into a feminist issue as this situation happens to men and women.

Keep things calm so you cannot be labeled unreasonable.

Give it a rest it wasn't funny the first time. Should cover it

Get some tumbleweed and a sound effect of a howling gale - Chuck the tumbleweed across the office and simultaneously play the sound effects - every time the sickness makes a "joke"

Playing down the sexism/feminism thing is unhelpful. This doesn't just "happen to men and women" because women are disproportionately flexible workers and primary carers and this is precisely what she's being harassed about.