My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

550 replies

AdaHopper · 18/11/2017 21:05

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

OP posts:
cherish123 · 18/11/2017 22:00

DH is wrong. That is weird- I have never seen that.

NotSoSimpleSally · 18/11/2017 22:01

When my eldest dd was younger and was on one of her first and only unsupervised visits with her father, he proudly told me that while at the pub she needed a wee, but he couldn't face the thought of taking her into the men's loos with him, instead he just asked a kind female stranger to take her for a wee in the ladies instead Angry

Valerrie · 18/11/2017 22:01

As a wheelchair user with a chronic bowel illness, I find it so disappointing that people are suggesting that the able bodied should use a disabled toilet. How sad Sad

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2017 22:05

In fairness not

My dds and I have often helped kids turn taps on or get soap or even hold doors as I know there is an awkward stage probably between 8 and 10 where they are too old to use the opposite sexs' rest room ejtg their dad but perhaps need a little assistance of the sinks are high or the lay out is a bit awkward.

Not that it's really on to be asking strangers to take kids to the loo.

Lostwithinthehills · 18/11/2017 22:06

Fuckit2017 firstly almost all public toilet cubicles are not floor to ceiling so they are unsuitable for unisex arrangements. Secondly it may be nicer for the dd to use the women’s toilets but it is not nicer for all the other women and girls also using them to have any old man just wandering in.
Which toilet does the man go into when it’s him that needs the loo when his daughter is with him?

FlashTheSloth · 18/11/2017 22:08

I'm a bit fed up with people saying there are cubicles so what's the issue. You can't be that dense to realise not all cubicles have sides down to the floor and nearly everyone has camera phones these days...

Someone was done at my local leisure centre because the whole changing area is mixed sex with separate cubicles, none of which go down to the floor and someone was videoing underneath the cubicles around him.

FlashTheSloth · 18/11/2017 22:09

X post lost.

Toffeelatteplease · 18/11/2017 22:12

FWIW

And having ended up in a few mens loos on occasion. They aren't disgusting or if they are then probably the females is too.

Personally I think unisex loos are brilliant. But mostly because of peoples inflexibility when people happen to end up in the wrong gendered look.

I would not begrudge a small child needing to use one for safety issues.

There's nothing inherently unsafe about a dad taking female child into a female loo (or the mens) so there is no excuse to use a disabled.

I have no problem ending up in the ladies or gents with if someone who genuinely needs it is in the disabled. I bitterly object when it's a small family who quite easily could use either gendered loo. I really hate trying to clean up a by now tween sized son in a single cubicle because "gender issues" or they needed the space.

FruitCider · 18/11/2017 22:14

* It's only using the disabled when you're not disabled that's wrong imo*

Oh... I quite often do that with my child as trying to fit a woman and a child in a tiny cubicle and trying to open and shut the door is very hard, especially if they have the sanitary bin on the same side as the door opening. Confused to be honest if they contain baby change facilities as well as being disabled loos I thought that was ok for a quick child’s wee! Seems I am mistaken!

FastandLoose · 18/11/2017 22:16

My dh takes our now five year old into the men’s. Obviously. Never come across anything else. She completely unscarred.

Fuckit2017 · 18/11/2017 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildBluebelles · 18/11/2017 22:16

If the disabled loos double up as changing facilities, I think it is okay to use in this situation because they are not only for disabled users but also for changing.

YeahILoveSummer · 18/11/2017 22:17

Wouldn't mind if a man took his 4 year old daughter into the ladies. Men's toilets can be bit grim Hmm

FruitCider · 18/11/2017 22:17

To make it clear, if it’s just a disabled toilet I wouldn’t ever use it, but most where I live double up. I don’t know why I’m admitting to using them. It’s going to end badly isn’t it?

notangelinajolie · 18/11/2017 22:17

The gents is no place for a little girl.

Fuckit2017 · 18/11/2017 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleCrowbar · 18/11/2017 22:18

If men's toilets are so revolting that it's completely unacceptable for a father to use them with his small child, then that needs fixing.

The answer is not for men to barge into the women's toilets.

If the father had a 4yo son, should he then take him into the women's toilets, because the men's are too awful for small children to use?

& if they genuinely are that horrid, maybe that's the problem that needs fixing.

Not that there are horrible, smelly, scary toilets for men & anyone who doesn't fancy using them gets to use the women's because they are so much nicer.

Toffeelatteplease · 18/11/2017 22:19

I'm a bit fed up with people saying there are cubicles so what's the issue. You can't be that dense to realise not all cubicles have sides down to the floor and nearly everyone has camera phones these days...

But why is a dad with a small child a high likely to be a perpetrator? He's not not really. Therefore why is there a problem with the poor already embaressed guy being in the ladies. There really isn't.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2017 22:19

And nor will the ladies be when the very men making the mess are in the ladies with their children.

You do realise that junkies alcoholics and willy wavers have kids right Hmm

Shodan · 18/11/2017 22:20

I have no problem with a dad taking his small daughter into the ladies' loo, but then I don't do anything in the communal area of the ladies' loo other than wash my hands and possibly give a cursory glance to hair/clothing/make-up.

I would certainly rather they use the ladies' than the gents'.

I remember one poor dad agonising over this exact dilemma outside the loos at Madame Tussauds, so I offered to take his daughter into the ladies for him, which he was very grateful for.

Fuckit2017 · 18/11/2017 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/11/2017 22:23

I took ds into the gents when he was 3. It was in a small local Tesco and the ladies were out of order. The security guard checked there was no one in the gents and kept a lookout while we quickly popped in.

I am no snowflake, but the stench of stale, strong urine was unbelievable you could almost taste it in the air. The floor was damp and tacky. I was scared to touch anything! It was grim.

I don’t blame him for not wanting to take his dd in gents like that, but him going into the ladies is not the solution.

Fuckit2017 · 18/11/2017 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2017 22:30

Well for long as the disabled or the ladies are the solution they wont be sorted out will they.

Not while parents are turning on eachother as opposed to the relevant bodies.

Robinkitty · 18/11/2017 22:30

These toilet threads make me angry. There should be family loos. Seems like the majority of people think it's ok for a grown man to take his daughter into the women's because the men's are so foul but it's not ok for a mother to take her male child into the women's Ok then.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.