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Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

550 replies

AdaHopper · 18/11/2017 21:05

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

OP posts:
AdaHopper · 18/11/2017 21:39

For context - we are watching our ds (7) in a play where we have little choice. He took her whilst I was gathering our stuff. A potty is not really something dd would use at her age.

Split opinions it seems.

OP posts:
Rudi44 · 18/11/2017 21:40

It's such a tricky one, I can understand why he would do it. In a ladies loo at least they are in cubicles, in a mans loo he walks in with daughter and a bunch of men are at a urinal .

Why my DD was tiny she was out with her dad and needed a nappy change in Asda but the changing facility was typically in the ladies loo. The staff actually suggested he hand her over to a stranger to change ( member of staff) in the ladies loo.

pisacake · 18/11/2017 21:41

It is a hate crime to object to this. The police will be around to throw you into jail shortly.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 18/11/2017 21:42

DH takes the DSs into the men's toilets. They're usually too small to reach the urinals so normally use the toilet as a girl would. If men's toilets are so terrible, shouldn't that mean fathers should take any offspring into the ladies? Or are young girls in the company of their father far more vulnerable than the same age group of young boys Confused

It's the sex of the parent, not the sex of the child.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 18/11/2017 21:45

What do you think op?

Should we get rid of all sex segregated areas, do you think that would be the answer?

AdaHopper · 18/11/2017 21:48

Actually, I think that would make things so much simpler. Without urinals though :)

OP posts:
justilou1 · 18/11/2017 21:48

Maybe he doesn't want his kid exposed to men flapping their willies around the urinals? I wouldn't either. He's between a rock and a hard place.

chocolatecakeatmidnight · 18/11/2017 21:48

Maybe DH could wait outside the ladies loo whilst DD is in there. if she needs help, (I know age 4 can be tricky age for using a toilet alone) she could call for him? I doubt many women would object to a father coming in to the ladies to help his daughter who needed help.

shhhfastasleep · 18/11/2017 21:48

As much as I hate misuse of disabled loos - I have MS - I would rather he took her in there in the absence of family loo than in the men’s.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2017 21:50

It's simple really.

Of a toilet is dirty ask some one to clean it

Women shoot up too.

You wouldn't know the other one was any Better or worse unless you had been in there and why would you be in the other toilet

The ladies toilet is the ladies toilet. It's not ladies and anyone who doesn't want to use the "smelly men's"

When people do that the tkukets are no lo get any safer than the men's but guess what? ! The women have no other option. The men do, once you have set the trend to use ours and fill it full of people who don't wanna use the men's you can bugger off back to the men's and the women's is no longer the safer space it once was.

Find an attendant or staff member like we would have to do if the ladies was disgusting .

DeadGood · 18/11/2017 21:50

"It’s usual for the adult to go in the correct toilets, and if the child is under about 8 they go in the same one as the parent."

That only works if the men's and ladies loos are of equal cleanliness and layout. They aren't.

I suspect you have only ever really noticed women taking boys into the ladies, and assuming that it would work the other way around too. But Men's toilets really are grim and not always suitable (eg. single cubicle not in unusable state)

chocolatecakeatmidnight · 18/11/2017 21:50

The other option would be accessible toilet. Before I get pounced on, I am myself registered as disabled and use a mobility aid to get around. I would not begrudge a small child needing to use one for safety issues.

HeadDreamer · 18/11/2017 21:50

What’s the problem with young girls and the male toilet? Both DDs been to the men’s with DH. Ofc 4yo should go to the men’s with her grandad

singadream · 18/11/2017 21:51

My dh takes them to the men's loo, or the disabled loo.

chocolatecakeatmidnight · 18/11/2017 21:51

needing to use an accessible toilet, i mean

Lostwithinthehills · 18/11/2017 21:52

I don’t think this is a tricky question at all. The adult goes into the toilet designated for their use by sex, their child goes with them. If it becomes common practice for men to go into toilets designated for women we will end up with men’s toilets only being used by men and women’s toilets being used by men and women. How is that fair? Most parents take the opportunity to use the toilet when their children go so not only will men be present in women’s toilets they will be using them too. Many pp have complained about how smelly and dirty men’s toilets are, won’t women’s toilets end up the same if men regularly use them too? Women should have the right to use toilet facilities with the expectation that the only women and young children will be alongside them.

Angelalley · 18/11/2017 21:52

Well said tofee
I do wish people would not suggest using disabled facilities every time to solve a problem.

LapdanceShoeshine · 18/11/2017 21:53

In Amsterdam airport this week there was a dad with a small daughter in the cubicle next to me & I thought good on him!

I think he felt awkward - he maintained a conversation with her the whole time, so that we would all know he was there, & when they emerged he studiously avoided eye contact, but I thought it was definitely much nicer for a small girl not to have to go past a row of men using urinals in a (probably much more smelly) men's loo.


shushpenfold · 18/11/2017 21:54

On a slightly lighter note, I still smile when I think of how long and how many sports club managers it took to explain to one very lovely old gentleman that it was completely inappropriate for him to take his dgd into the ladies changing room for her swim change. He just couldn’t understand why if she was the one changing and swimming, why she shouldn’t use it.....and of course he had to come too, as she’s really little. After the initial shock of the chap walking in on 3 of us stark naked, we all saw the funny side and we were all dressed and could have cooked lunch in the time it took them to explain it, in ever decreasing circles

On the matter of the loo, I think your dh has to stay well out of opposite gender areas. Take the Dd into the gents or send her in alone if she’s able.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/11/2017 21:56

Men go to the gents with small child

Women go to to the ladies with small child

Lostwithinthehills · 18/11/2017 21:56

Also it’s interesting how many people are complaining about how disgusting men’s toilets are. There is a significant proportion of people on mumsnet who seem to believe strongly in unisex toilets but now it seems we should expect them to be disgusting because men will have access to all of them.

LapdanceShoeshine · 18/11/2017 21:57

& for what it's worth I'm an OAP, & stridently against the transwomen determination to use any loo they damn well want (ie ours Angry)

notjustbaconbutties · 18/11/2017 21:58

I saw a man doing this recently at the theatre. Maybe it was the OP's DH, or maybe it's a new trend. Never seen it before.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/11/2017 21:58

Yy lost
How is unisex the answer when it's full if men when the whole reason men people wanna use the ladies is safety and cleanliness

Either it's the ladies or men's or it's not.

Fuckit2017 · 18/11/2017 21:59

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