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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DH over ruined underwear?

583 replies

Sprinklestar · 18/11/2017 20:16

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/11/2017 00:42

Also get him to pick up a laundry net that he never puts in the wash. Place your none machine washables in the net and wash them yourself.

They're already in a hand wash only basket. Does she need to put a padlock on it??

GrockleBocs · 19/11/2017 00:44

I get it. DH and I had words recently. I couldn't find my utility knife in the dishwasher or drawer.
Me:Where's my knife?
DH: Oh. Outside. I'll get it.
Me: Why is it outside?
DH: We needed a sharp knife to cut up the pumpkin.
Me: So why didn't you use your sharp knife?
DH: Um
Me: And why didn't you bring it inside?
DH: I... um....

It's the regard for their things and disregard of your opinion/things that's infuriating. If you respect their possesions, they should do the same.

Shadow666 · 19/11/2017 00:46

Helena, I meant in the past women were unhappy but had fewer opportunities to divorce. Now women can more easily live independently of men, and many are choosing to do so, not just in desperate situations like violence and infidelity, but just because they are sick of living with selfish, lazy men. So, I think if the OP wants to divorce her husband over this, then why not? She'd probably find herself a lot happier for it. To be honest, I think a lot of men are also happier living alone these days too.

Wilburissomepig · 19/11/2017 00:49

Sorry but I find this so ridiculous.

It's a pain in the arse, true, but is it really the end of the world?

You're actually not talking to him because he tried to help with the washing. I genuinely can't be arsed with this kind of 'not talking to him' shite. You're not 12.

Original poster
Sprinklestar · 19/11/2017 00:52

Not the end of the world, no. Clearly a first world problem. But I may well have reached the end of my patience with the constant wasted effort, financial waste, waste of my time, over and over and over again. That’s the crux of it.

OP posts:
SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 00:55

If you have a separate laundry basket it's idiotic he would randomly take your pants out of it and put it in with the rest even if they were the only thing in the basket. Maybe put the hand-wash basket in a different location so he can't check it as he goes to throw in the regular laundry?

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 00:57

Also, sorry if this seems odd but I'm just curious how old you are (okay if you'd rather not say)?

HelenaDove · 19/11/2017 00:59

YY Shadow i was agreeing with you. Sorry if that wasnt clear.

IslingtonLou · 19/11/2017 01:01

I understand you OP, it’s not actually the underwear that’s the issue now. It’s the fact that you’ve told him how you feel about this countless times and he still disregards you. It’s a lack of respect at this point. Everyone has their limits and it sounds like you are hitting yours.

Also this is a REPEAT occurrence to all those saying get over it. How many times can you mindlessly wreck clothes like this? It takes extra effort for him to not leave her SEPARATED stuff yet here he goes again!

It just sounds like you’re not compatible

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/11/2017 01:01

Clearly,this is not about the laundry. You don’t like or hold dp in high regard
Something is amiss and he annoys you.so every misdemeanour feel major
So?can this be fixed,do you want to fix it?will you stay together or is this it

IslingtonLou · 19/11/2017 01:05

Ahh just read that he put your delicate underwear in a HOT WASH for bedding Confused I would definitely not be mixing those two items as my underwear would be ruined (colour fading, elastic wearing, material changing etc). Annoying

walnutwhip88 · 19/11/2017 01:06

This reply has been deleted

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SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 01:06

user1497997754 , I used to think like that too, but it's such a basic way to live. That's just surviving, why not be thriving? It seems a bit petty but it's annoyed the OP for years. If she thinks that's the tipping point where she just can't be bothered with this stupidity and other things he probably does then she's right to feel like leaving him.

Seeingadistance · 19/11/2017 01:07

My elderly father has dementia. I first noticed the early signs of this over 3 years ago. My mother denied it, for understandable reasons, and denial is pretty common.

However, something she said has stuck with me. I was speaking to her about the why I believed my father had dementia, and she waved it all away saying, "He was always to lazy to think".

That's the problem with the OP's husband and so many of these "incompetent" husbands. They are too lazy to think. When it suits them. They all seem capable of paid employment, some seem to do very well professionally. They are too lazy to think when it's not important or rewarding enough for them.

Imagine living your life in such a way that your usual pattern of being is almost indistinguishable from the early stages of dementia.

An otherwise functioning adult who is incapable of understanding that hand wash items, which he has been told not to touch, should not be washed at hot temperatures, is being too lazy to think. And he is making that choice because he doesn't think such matters are worth the effort. I'm quite sure, that, like my father, he is motivated to think when it matters ... to him.

Too lazy to fucking think!!!

IvorHughJarrs · 19/11/2017 01:07

I sympathise OP. I too am sick of the drip drip drip effect of incompetence, it reaches a point where it equates to a lack of respect and caring

HelenaDove · 19/11/2017 01:08

So Lipstick HIS behaviour is HER fault. Well we all know where blaming women for mens behaviour leads..............

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 01:09

walnutwhip88, try to empathise with people even if you don't instinctively relate to their issue. It doesn't make you spoilt in the same way you consider them to be, it makes you a better person.

HelenaDove · 19/11/2017 01:11

My DH is 67 so from a different generation to most of the DHs mentioned on this thread im guessing.............and ive never had this sort of thing from him ......

Nanny0gg · 19/11/2017 01:11

YABFU! You sound like such a spoilt old hag with no real problems to moan about you have to clutch at straws for any kind of drama in your life. Your poor husband only trying to help.

How charming.

MsHarveySpecter · 19/11/2017 01:12

Good point re too lazy to think.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/11/2017 01:14

Helena,no don’t attribute words or intent I’ve not said,to substantiate your post
Reading op posts,it’s clear it’s a broken relationship,she describes how he irks her
It’s not a blame thing.its an incompatible thing.shes listing his shortcomings
Op now has to decide what she wants,how she wants this to go

So Helena,no.dont make a clumsy attempt to paraphrase my post to suit your point

As you were...

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 01:17

I thought the 'Too lazy to think' part was good too.

MrSnrubYesThatsIt · 19/11/2017 01:17

I wouldn't leave. ID ask him to leave.
But either way i would certainly end it and seek a divorce.

brabenot · 19/11/2017 01:17

Exactly Seeing Too lazy to fucking think!

HelenaDove · 19/11/2017 01:18

But Lip you are asking her if she wants to fix it? Shes already tried shes told him not to do it several times.

Its not her job to fix.

You might as well have come out with "its a woman that holds a marriage together"

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