To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

No.youre doing it again Helena.erroneously paraphrasing me,to suit you
Yes I am wondering what op wants after listing his shortcoming where’s it going
Only folk who know if it’s fixable are op and her dp
It’s not her job to fix this,but it’s her post so yes I will ask what op wants

Oh god. I haven't read the whole 8 page thread.
But why not ask him what he was thinking, or if that's too pass-agg, (i.e., if you don't suspect him of an agenda) just ask him not to put the delicates in with the mixed wash in future?

HelenaDove
YY Shadow i was agreeing with you. Sorry if that wasnt clear.

Ok, I got you! Sorry for misunderstanding.

just ask him not to put the delicates in with the mixed wash in future?

For the eleventh time?

I understand. My ex did this. He thought he was being all 'new man' by doing laundry but he aways fucked up my things one way or another (all my kecks were pink. I've never bought pink kecks). He ruined so many expensive tops.
And yet, we did our laundry separately. He refused to use non bio wash as he said it didn't get things clean, ditto washing at 30. Bio stuff makes me itch and I wash at 30 for economic and environmental reasons. Plus he did his son's and as both worked full time, we just did it separately. Except, about once a month, he would randomly decide to do mine, or just take some stuff from mine and add it to his. And ruin it. Or lose it.
Same with the breaking stuff, losing stuff, leaving stuff in places I couldn't find it (which, it turned out when I went to pack to leave him, was usually the garage) but claiming never to have touched it.
And always, telling everyone how great he was because he did "all the laundry" and "all the ironing". He never ironed anything of mine, nothing I buy or wear needs to be ironed.
One day, weirdly, when there were some friends round, he got out the ironing board and started ironing in front of them. After a while he went off and came back with a jacket of mine and started ironing it, I asked him what he was doing "ironing your jacket" he said. I was totally bewildered. He had literally gone and got it out of my wardrobe to iron it in front of these friends. I told him to stop and just put it back. He then got in a massive sulk and said "fine, I'll never iron your stuff again". Obvs in front of friends I was too polite to say "well, you never have before, I've never asked you to and I never need anything ironed anyway" as it would have made him look like the twat he was.

Total lack of respect and understanding. He didn't care about my stuff. He didn't care about me.

Oh god. I haven't read the whole 8 page thread

That's ok, you don't need to read the whole thread. But you know what? If you read the OP's posts on the thread, you'll find all your questions answered, and you won't have to waste time typing them out.

if you love him, try to do something to avoid this too.

1. so hand wash only clothes should be separated of course and place it on the part of the room he will not see it easily.

1. it should be covered. and on the cover it should be written ALL caps and bold..

3.if everything fails, file a divorce.

astonished if he loved her he wouldnt behave like this to begin with.

Could you honestly be turned on by a man that you had to micro manage to such an extent.

Bloody hell, is that how low some people set the bar? He doesn’t beat me, hurt me or cheat on me, and he does the laundry, so he must be a keeper?

I can't believe people are saying 'you're lucky he does any at all'. Are you secret moles for the patriarchy or something?

You both took the words right out of my mouth.

I personally wouldn't think I would leave my husband over something so 'trivial' as underwear but if the OP feels it's a sign of a deeper issue, then it's understandable.

Ffs she is not lucky he does washing at all. What a depressingly low fucking standard to have in life. You should be able to rely on your partner to do things with care. It never surprises me that these types of men are good at their jobs but useless at home. It’s simply because they don’t give a fuck.

Op if you’re at the end of your tether and you want to leave, do it. Life is too short to be pissed off and miserable. I don’t believe in staying in situations that bring you no happiness.

Outtothink
I’m really at what a stupid dickhead your ex was. It sounds as if he had high self worth/importance and low self esteem. Fancy trying to big yourself up to your mates. Prick.

Sprinkle
I get what you are saying. This does sound PA, superior, uncaring or ‘too lazy to think’. Does he act like this in other ways? Is he generally supercilious?

Put his computer in the dishwasher, you know, just to be helpful. There are some dreadful bacterias on those keyboards.

Does he understand its not about the underwear and more about the lack of consideration for you and your thing?

and the baying mob that mumsnet is notorious for, come out calling for an idiot to leave her husband because he washed her dirty knickers wrong... just so they can see a soap opera in writing and feel better about their own lives. Cop on girls and relatively speaking this thread is insulting to people with real problems.

Yes because us girls should be thanking our lucky stars that there are boys out there willing to repeatably ruin our stuff, going out of their way to do that. Who the hell has such low self-esteem that they think a boy like this is someone worth spending time with? Nah, being single is better than putting up with this shit. At least then even if you don't meet a man who's able to do his fair share and doesn't destroy your stuff, you get to be happy.

For some reason I find the looking-but-not-really-looking-in-the-freezer anecdote even more disturbing. Just why would someone do that? Be right by the open freezer, looking in, and then lie about whether an ingredient is there rather than actually search for it?

I've just thought of another situation: my aunt used to do a big clean for me to help out, I'd take DD out for day. Once she unpacked and put away a bag I'd just packed for the weekend. The next time I took it with me.

My husband has taken my things out of the washer - which I have washed on the delicate cycle w/cold water - out of the washer several times now and put them in the dryer on high heat, ruining them. He dries all his own clothes on high heat because they are jeans and T shirts, so he thinks everything should be dried on the hottest setting. I either hang my delicates in the laundry room or dry them on the cold setting.

I have told him many times to leave my things in the washer and let me take of them, “just give me a shout-out” I say, but no, he's in a hurry to wash his things and can’t be bothered to say anything - so he ruins my clothes instead.

He can’t understand why I make such a big fuss over it, but it’s the fact he doesn’t learn and repeats his mistake. He throws his stuff in the washer Sunday evening - so now I steer clear of the laundry room all day Sundays. One of us has to learn from his mistakes, and it isn’t going to be him it appears.

I haven't worn a bra since I stopped breastfeeding, I couldn't actually afford to buy one. I'd be horrified if DH put one in the wash and ruined it, because I'd need to wait to replace it, and the DC would have to go without something.

My father holds a senior position in a highly technical profession and is fully able to fulfil his role.

When I was a child he would forget to pick me up from school several times a week. He would serve food I was allergic to. Even though I had a serious disability, he would often make plans that would be totally impossible for me to do, and then be angry with me for spoiling them and for making him look inconsiderate.

When someone's incompetence is limited only to actions that affect certain other people, it's reasonable to conclude that it results from a lack of care, not a lack of ability. When you are the victim of repeated thoughtless treatment, even if individual instances are apparently unimportant or innocent, it's fair to question the relationship.

Sorry if my reply seemed harsh OP, it was mainly a response to the moron who seems to think the internet should only be used for tackling world peace and any other problems are beneath consideration. But your 'D'H doesn't seem to value you based on his going out of his way to create problems for you.

I do all the washing, because DH does all the housework and cooks for himself, but I don't separate anything. It goes on the lowest cycle according to labels, so if there's a wool jumper in there, it goes on a wool wash, if it's just school uniforms it goes on delicates etc. DH doesn't even know there's different programmes.

It seems to cause a lot of angst when DH's use washing machines, surely it can't be hard to assign them other household tasks instead like floor mopping, vacuuming, cooking and cleaning stuff.