To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

YANBU

You can leave your husband for any reason you like, including no reason.

My friend left her husband over a biscuit. It was the straw that broke the camels back and just underlined his selfishness and incompetence. I too was married to a selfish and incompetent man and SHOULD have left him over all the times he showed he didn’t give a shit about my stuff or me. Sadly I didn’t and spent longer than I should have living with someone who made me miserable and I didn’t respect.

Goatgirly

There appear to be many on here with poor comprehension skills, sadly.

No, haven't lost the ability to read!

By allocating chores the dh doesn't have to put washing in the machine. Putting incorrect things in the washing machine is the only complaint OP appears to have during a 10 year marriage, nothing else is mentioned.
Unless you're right and I've missed Op's posts elaborating on her unhappy marriage?

I've noticed a few friends that relish telling each other how useless their husbands are. It's like a hilarious game where each woman tries to top the previous story of male incompetence around the home. I call it Man Jenga and the rules are you must put your husband down, never mention his good points and exaggerate where necessary.

I don't know why people are so shocked by hand wash only underwear. Bras are almost always hand wash only, for the sake of both the machine and the bras.

I deliberately made sure our washing machine had a hand wash programme so I didn't actually have to hand wash myself. I put all my woollens and bras about once a week.

I told my story upthread 00.20, but here is another example: I have auto immune illness amongst other things, no energy so staying in bed this morning. DH asks what would I like for breakfast. Me: tea and toast with butter please. DH what do you want on your toast? Me: butter please. Five mins later, shouting up the stairs "what do you want on your toast?" Me: butter please. Dh: and a cup of tea with it? Me : yes please. Comes back up, lovely cuppa but honey on the toast. Just ate it cos I haven't got the energy to even feel pissed off. So I advised OP upthread to think on, this could be her in years to come. (Been togethef 27 years, married for 25) and he's always been the same. I wouldn't even have the energy to split up now and the hassle that goes with that. So again OP, I completely get it and think on for the future. My dh has always been the same, I have a feeling yours will be. And now some posters will probably be thinking how lucky I am to have breakfast in bed. The ludicrous thing is that if I'd said I asked for butter he would have changed it, tiring himself in the process because he has a bad back and he's in his 60's. Just......omg, why not just listen in the first place?

By allocating chores the dh doesn't have to put washing in the machine

OP has already explained that she has asked her H on countless occasions NOT to touch her hand-wash only items - so he isn't responsible for putting these items in the machine anyway. They are also in a separate basket so he doesn't have the excuse of 'forgetting to sort through laundry' before washing it either.

The issue is not that she hasn't allocated a chore; the issue is that her H is consistently ignoring a quite reasonable request to leave her stuff alone and allow her to take care of it herself because she's fed up of having her underwear ruined.

Have you told him you may leave? Or is he arrogant like my exdh and thinks you're bluffing? (Different problems)

The Contrarians.

No matter how reasonable the OP is, they have to find fault somehow, so they use a number of tools to allow them to have a go at the OP. Tools often used include; ignoring pertinent points, deliberately misunderstanding, trying to find contradictions, and picking up on things that OP has mentioned, that have no bearing on the situation, and focusing on that.

I'd imagine the psychology behind it is quite interesting.

Motoko The contrarians....maybe they're just like the type of dh's we're talking about, absolutely incapable of just "getting it". So bloody infuriating!

@ibiscuit whenthestarsturnblue are you really so thick that you can't distinguish between the laundry requirements of handmade lace and real silk knickers and multipack polycotton pants from Asda?

Sorry I am far too bright to be spending money on handmade lace for knickers - sounds like you have way too much time (and money) on your hands (handmade lace silk knickers, truly , truly a first world problem... this thread isn't even worth further consideration, still you have given me a good laugh!! I'll leave you to ironing your knickers precious.

Very good point Motoko

Sorry I am far too bright to be spending money on handmade lace for knickers

Who are you to criticise what someone decides to spend their money on? If you are truly so bright, then you should also be self-aware enough to realise that it's none of your business how someone spends their disposable income.

My point was if the occasional washing machine errors are the only issue then meh Let it go. Ban him from using the bloody machine. Life's too short.

Of course if it's indicative of his general bad attitude towards his wife, then there's a problem.
There's comprehension of the OP's few contributions to this thread and then there's projecting your own (unfortunate) experiences of a shit husband onto someone else.

It really doesn't need to be fantastically expensive posh underwear to be hand wash...

Here is Bravissimo's care guide for bras

figleaves...

brastop version

None of them advise lobbing it on a hot wash with some heavy bedding to keep it company

Sorry I am far too bright to be spending money on handmade lace for knickers - sounds like you have way too much time (and money) on your hands (handmade lace silk knickers, truly , truly a first world problem... this thread isn't even worth further consideration, still you have given me a good laugh!! grin I'll leave you to ironing your knickers precious.

Clearly not bright enough to read the OP's (and others') posts properly though.

It really doesn't need to be fantastically expensive posh underwear to be hand wash

Nope. M&S generally advise to handwash too.

There's comprehension of the OP's few contributions to this thread and then there's projecting your own (unfortunate) experiences of a shit husband onto someone else

My DH isn't a shit husband so no projection from me.

From the OP: "I have lost count of the number of times he has done this." Plus she has already said that she has asked him before not to do this and that he continues to ignore these requests. My point is that it's all very well and good to talk about allocation of chores, but that only works when someone is willing to listen to you. The OP is angry about this (again, her words from her OP) and I can understand why, because it must be immensely frustrating to repeatedly ask someone not to do something, and then find out that they've ignored you yet again...

Who are you to criticise what someone decides to spend their money on? If you are truly so bright, then you should also be self-aware enough to realise that it's none of your business how someone spends their disposable income.

Just my opinion - you appear to be the one lacking in self-awareness - with your brow beating manner you come across as extremely petulant. It's a forum we are not here to be scolded by you, take the twist out of your own knickers

I understand how OP feels. It isn't so much the ruined lingerie but the thought processes (or lack of) behind it, especially as he's been told to be careful about washing her lingerie on other occassions yet still fucks up.

My ex ruined a favourite set of mine becase he didn't turn his combat trousers inside out (like it told him to on the intruction label) and the velcro on them caught the lace. To him it was no big deal. To me I was bitterly disappointed because I couldn't replace them as they were only in the shops for a set time, and it also highlighted, yet again, that he just didn't engage his brain. His go to excuse for being a bit useless was always "oh, I didn't think of that" (yes yes to the PP who said "too lazy to think"!). No mate, you don't like thinking very much at all. Arrgh! He was also useless at washing dishes so they'd need doing again.

I recall one poster on MN a few years ago who didn't have access to safe drinking water in her home.

Other than that, I'd say pretty much all the problems we post here are first world ones.

My bras are huge, and therefore expensive. They've been ruined in the washing machine too often, so we now have a special bag for them (although the machine was overloaded the other day and one, plus the bag got ruined instead)

But at least DP knows and uses it.

Mind you, he has ruined a lovely cashmere jumper his mum found me at a charity shop once... It's now the right size for our 7 year old.. and he does keep putting my Boden cashmere cardigan in the main wash (he doesn't like it) - luckily it's made of sterner stuff and has survived every time :D

So many posters on here who are crap at reading and just as hard of thinking as OP's DH!

I had this with woollen jumpers. Loads ruined. It happens less often since he felt the pain of ruined clothes by me sticking his jeans in the tumble. The leather labels at the belt loop bit shrivel up and become “so uncomfortable”

Hmm, funny how it took some negative consequences before he could be bothered to engage his brain eh cremedelashite!

Ban him from using the bloody machine. Life's too short.

And that’s why men do it. Tactical crapness. It’s win win.

Just my opinion - you appear to be the one lacking in self-awareness - with your brow beating manner you come across as extremely petulant. It's a forum we are not here to be scolded by you, take the twist out of your own knickers

You're the one saying you're "too bright" to buy handmade lace pants. I'm not scolding anyone - you're the one making a value judgement about what people choose to spend their money on. My knickers - M&S standard cotton - are perfectly comfortable thank you!

Ok ban him from using the washing machine and ban yourself from touching the lawn mower or hoover. No one loses.
Or just keep having the same knicker argument for the next ten years and end up hating each other.