To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

DH did this to my Rigby and Peller wedding lingerie two days after our wedding. £180.00 of overrated, albeit pretty, stuff ruined. It wasn't even that comfortable. Imagine my face when I saw it on the line and I uttered the words 'please tell me you never put my wedding bra and knickers in the washing machine??'

'Are they not supposed to?'

Iwant they were already in a separate laundry basket.

But have you done it 5 times, Emily

If I say yes, it seems like I'm saying yes to prove a point and I'm not, I promise! But yes I've done it more times than I should but in my defence, I know DS is 10. A 10 year old t-shirt looks huge, I buy the 9 even though I know the 9 is what I'm replacing, and then end up changing it for a 10

My ex (abusive) never lifted a finger to help me, left stuff lying about then moaned if it wasn’t cleared away, stuffed towels on towel rails rather than folding them to dry etc, etc, etc.

I had to clean house for a rental inspection just before I went away taking my son away on holiday, him staying home. when we came back the house was exactly as we’d left it, he even wanted praise for having kept it so neat

It was then that I realised that he could do it all himself, tidy, clear, wash up etc, but he preferred to dump it on to me to do.

He also used to break things - mugs mostly, when he knows I have a “thing” about mugs. He also killed my Venus fly trap plant I’d had for 2 years, through dormancy and everything.

I kept quiet about that for years, because I knew he’d get some thrill from having upset me
When it finally came out he turned it all to being about himself and how could I possibly accuse him of such...

Emily why? Why do you repeatedly do it when you know it's wrong?

I always find myself baffled by threads like this. A predictable combination of posters who don't bother to read the OP properly and miss pertinent details - such as the fact that the hand-wash items were already separate, and that OP's H has been repeatedly told NOT to touch them as she'll wash them herself. Along with the Stepford wives group - who think that OP should consider her H a prince amongst men because he uses the washing machine and doesn't beat her. The final ranks being made up by the posters who think that buying anything other than the most functional and utilitarian items is ridiculous and an unforgivable self-indulgence...

OP, I get it. Do you think he enjoys getting a rise out of you. I do think it's deliberate, done under the guise of 'helping'.

And just because he doesn't hit her or cheat on her...really?

Just get rid of him. Then you won't need to post on Mn about washing underwear.

For the love of god, how many more posters are going to come on to:

1. Tell the op to keep her washing separate
2. Fall over themselves to tell her she's being ridiculous
3. Find reasons why it's the OPs fault
4. Tell the op the dh is amazing because he does some washing in the first place
5. Tell the op to keep her washing separate (worth repeating this point because FFS THE FUCKING WASHING IS ALREADY FUCKING SEPARATE!)

OP, YANBU. It's not about the underwear, it's about the lack of respect, and everything SGB said.

Lazy
This this this

Lazy, the only think you missed there are the occasional snipes about hygiene, because op doesn't boil wash all her smalls. I bet she uses bath towels more than once too

I always find myself baffled by threads like this.

Don’t be. There will always be thickos in the world.

Hopefully they are married to men like the OP’s husband and can live happily ever after.

Jacques I've already said this. No tickly little laugh or badge of honour here. I just don't think it's worth the row. I do it, he does the housework.

so if your underwear is machine washed, it ... like... goes on fire... it is utterly destroyed, what is it made out of .... marshmallows? Please do leave him, give the poor bloke a chance at finding someone normal who doesn't have hand wash only(???) underwear as a dealbreaker and maybe spend your money on something more worthwhile

ibiscuit, yes, good spot.

Hand wash only knickers? I didn’t know they existed. Seems a bit gross to me.

I saw this upthread and marvelled. The only way to make sense of it is to assume that poster does indeed boilwash all knickers. Surely nobody boilwashes everything that comes into contact with the human skin?

Case in point.

Thickos should stick with thickos. It’s the natural order of things.

I've read the OP's few posts and I think she's making a mountain out of a molehill.

There is no mention of any abuse, no other examples of the dh disregarding her feelings or being unwilling to help. He's simply a bit slap dash with the washing.

Maybe the OP is being over dramatic. Is the underwear "ruined" or is she the sort of person that declares Christmas "ruined" when someone sits on the mince pies?

If he's been doing washing for 10 years and still making mistakes why not agree he does something else and leaves that to her? That's not being in the 1950's, it's just common sense. Allocating chores to the person who is most efficient. As long as they're both pulling their weight.

Sorry I think it's petty to "not be talking to him".

I'm amazed posters are offering flowers, sympathetic hugs to the op and agreeing she should leave him. Surely OP was just venting her anger on here and has no intention of filing for divorce.

I might be annoyed and say I want to throttle my dh but I don't actually intend to.

whenthestarsturnblue are you really so thick that you can't distinguish between the laundry requirements of handmade lace and real silk knickers and multipack polycotton pants from Asda?

Its SEPERATE from the other washing
He KNOWS it will be damaged when he washes it as he has before.
He just DOESNT CARE.

Agree with Lazy.

And I feel crap adding this because of course there's no reason on earth OP can't buy any underwear she likes, despite this odd MN belief that non-pillowcase underwear is a moral issue. But my bras are definite hand wash only, because they're underwired and a fucking J cup. They could destroy the machine, or the machine could destroy them.

I know some posters have said their underwired bras are fine in the machine, well woop de doo for them, but mine AREN'T. I've tried and the wire pops and bends, and a plumber friend of mine told me not to risk the machine either. There's only a couple of brands that fit me well, so maybe that's it, but whatever it is, they need hand washing. Which I do.

They're expensive too, so if they continually got destroyed by an idiot, yes, I'd be annoyed.

I had this with woollen jumpers. Loads ruined. It happens less often since he felt the pain of ruined clothes by me sticking his jeans in the tumble. The leather labels at the belt loop bit shrivel up and become “so uncomfortable”. 😄😄😄. Does he need a lesson like this?

I’d be surprised if the OP came back to this thread.

I'd be surprised if this isn't in the Daily Mail.

It’s not OK to be lazy about something your OH, the person you’re supposed to love and cherish and respect more than anyone else in the world, says is upsetting her. It’s just not.

This was beautifully put a few pages ago.

If the person you love asks you not to do something for them, even if you think it's harmless or charming, surely you respect the fact that they've asked and indulge them.

DH has asked me not to hand wash his car. I've never scratched my car by hand washing it, but he's convinced that a bit of grit will get into the sponge somehow and cause £££ of damage to the paintwork.

So I don't wash his car.

A single bra could be the final straw, why not?

Good luck, OP.

Lazy, the only think you missed there are the occasional snipes about hygiene, because op doesn't boil wash all her smalls. I bet she uses bath towels more than once too

Yep, my bad. Everyone knows that the Mumsnet Way of Things is that everything must be cleansed with bleach and then set on fire - anything less means that you have NO STANDARDS...

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties did you also lose the ability to read? OP has already said that this is not the first time her H has ruined laundry and that she has repeatedly asked him NOT to touch her hand-wash items, which are kept separately specifically so that they are not mixed in. You talk about allocating chores to the person who is most efficient - that's what OP has tried to do, but her H repeatedly ignores her. If someone consistently ignored me asking them to leave something alone and as a result kept ruining my things, then I'd be "petty" and not talk to them either.