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Original poster

To leave DH over ruined underwear?

583 replies

Sprinklestar · 18/11/2017 20:16

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 19/11/2017 08:38

Ugh. This attitude of ‘helping’ the woman by doing a tiny bit of housework badly, and making more work for the dear little woman.

Makes me rage.

I hate it. It’s not about the washing, it’s about the needless increase of responsibility for the woman, and the childlike ‘can’t be arsed to care’-ness of it all.

NamasteNiki · 19/11/2017 08:39

We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.

IT IS TEN TIMES IN TEN YEARS.

READ THE OP.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 19/11/2017 08:40

That means MULTIPLE TIMES EVERY YEAR FOR EACH OF THE PAST TEN YEARS.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 19/11/2017 08:42

Unless you honestly think the OP is incapable of counting past ten? Because that’s the only other way she could have lost count.

Wilburissomepig · 19/11/2017 08:53

This thread is so bizarre to me. I totally get that the OP doesn't want her underwear ruined, I really do, but I can't get over the 'file for divorce' comments etc on here.

I guess we just all have things that we can't live with, but this seems to completely extreme. If it's about respect and care then deal with that issue, don't make it about the underwear.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 19/11/2017 08:54

I think the level of reading comprehension displayed on this thread just serves to illustrate that there are quite a lot of people who are too lazy to think.

RB68 · 19/11/2017 08:56

Its not the underwear, its not the lack of competence its the lack of consideration and thought and actually taking responsibility to do a chore RIGHT when it involves doing something for your partner.

valuerangeweetabixandmilk · 19/11/2017 08:59

I had a partner like this. Things got broke and damaged 'by accident' they werent accidents. Just another way to disrespect me. End point was when i bought some self assembly furniture and he smashed it and then 'apologised'.
Its shit when its only ever your stuff

Wilburissomepig · 19/11/2017 09:01

That's kind of what I mean RB68. It's really up to the OP if she feels she's so disrespected that she can no longer live with this man, but plenty of people on here seem to think that ruining your knickers is a big enough deal to divorce over.

Iwantamarshmallow · 19/11/2017 09:04

Get another laundry basket so you have his and hers and tell him you will do your own washing. If he's a good dh in every other way I wouldn't leave over this. At least he's trying to to his share of the house work.

Parisa78 · 19/11/2017 09:04

Sprinkle, I get that this lingerie is the last straw for you because you interpret it as lack of regard. However, try and think about the wider picture. I'm sure there are some things you don't "see" and he does for you?

For instance, there are loads of things my DH doesn't notice or get the point of - crumbs on surfaces, laundry in general (I could go on), but then, in the other hand, I have nothing whatsoever to do with the garden /leaves, drains, cars or any DIY because I tend to just not "see" it in the way he does.

In your situation, I would just tell him to physically go to the relevant shop and purchase you three sets of the same lingerie in compensation. If he has any sense, he will no doubt pick you up something else while he's there. This is more likely to make him think twice in future. Tell him he needs to go today and be done with it.

thecatsabsentcojones · 19/11/2017 09:05

Sounds like it's a last straw amongst other things, hence the wanting to leave.

But if it were to happen here I'd fine the sod, he'd have to buy me the new underwear of my choice. It'd be a win to be honest.

As it happens crappy Asda grundies aren't exactly a treat to replace. Might have to change them...

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/11/2017 09:08

Genuine question - do the people mentioned on this thread who can't be trusted to use a washing machine without the risk of one or more garments being ruined also behave like that at work? Because if so, how do they retain their jobs?

Of course we all have different aptitudes. My husband can't cook. He does just about everything else around the house (including almost all the laundry, to a good standard) but he just doesn't like cooking. That suits me fine as I do like cooking and I'm good at it.

OP's situation is different, though. She and her husband have agreed to treat laundry as a shared job and he repeatedly mucks it up in spite of clear explanations/instructions. That would be as if my husband and I had agreed to share the cooking, I'd warned him over and over again not to overcook the pasta because it would be inedible and he just carried on doing it. To make that an exact analogy, I think you'd have to assume that only I liked eating pasta, so having overcooked pasta wouldn't be any personal bother to him.

RandomMess · 19/11/2017 09:12

@Sprinklestar just catching up with your response.

In our house it’s the washing up, DH does 99% of it but he is crap and it hugely bothers me. You go to use a pan to find it isn’t clean Angryso he goes through the effort of washing up badly for half of it needing to be rewashed!

It puts me off cooking and it just doesn’t matter to him if a chore is done well or not grrrrr.

StatisticallyChallenged · 19/11/2017 09:14

What makes you think he would pay attention to his and hers baskets when he's already ignoring separate baskets? He was washing bedding and made up the load from another basket.

I don't know what the op spends on underwear but if my dh stuck a weeks worth of lingerie on a long hot cotton wash he could easily do 2-300 of damage. Why should she put up with that repeatedly

CakeFreeWonderland · 19/11/2017 09:14

TBH you are lucky he knows where the washing machine is in the first place. If you leave him will you find anything as good ?

SleepVampireVictim · 19/11/2017 09:16

I think the problem for all of the posters that are minimising the OP's feelings over how her DH is treating her property is that they have never experienced living with someone that clearly has such little disregard for their things that continual incompetence is enough to consider leaving someone over.
My ex was like this, if I accidently damaged something of his, he would lose his shit. If it was the other way round, his response to so say "oh well" and laugh. I never even got an apology.
The issue isn't the underwear, as so so many other PP's have said, it other persons complete lack of care or consideration for something that is not theirs.
If the OP's DH is anything like my ex, he probably complains about other peoples incompetence.......oh the irony!

iBiscuit · 19/11/2017 09:18

My ex would have overcooked that pasta because he knew best - his way was the right way, and I'd be a spoilt princess for not being hugely grateful. Still, at least he didn't beat me Hmm

53rdWay · 19/11/2017 09:20

TBH you are lucky he knows where the washing machine is in the first place. If you leave him will you find anything as good ?

Dear God, raise your standards.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 19/11/2017 09:21

We have an annual argument.

DS is tall and wears clothers bigger than his age. I asked DP to get some new trousers for DS. I told him the size to get.

I said "please remember that 4 times now, over the years, you've gone to get trousers for DS and come back with the size too small, smaller than the one I told you he's wearing. Please get him size 11-12. Don't get a smaller size".

Can you get much clearer than that?

He came back with size 10-11. I said WTF? He said "but the 11-12 looked huge. They were too big, honestly"

DS tries on trousers. He can just get them on. They were tight and lasted just a few weeks before he grew out of them.

I know there are other solutions to this problem (like me buying the trousers) but that doesn't solve the problem that he feels it's fine to disregard what I'm saying.

iBiscuit · 19/11/2017 09:21

If you leave him will you find anything as good ? Confused

IME, yes. Or rather, infinitely better.

iBiscuit · 19/11/2017 09:23

he feels it's fine to disregard what I'm saying

Yup. I cannot tell you how much happier I am not living with someone who always knows best.

EmilyChambers79 · 19/11/2017 09:29

I read that as he has done it once a year for 10 years, I don't read it as he consistently does it but it doesn't help that the OP isn't consistent with what she says either.

I've lost count of the number of times he has done this

It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past 10 year

So is he machine washing your handwash underwear every single washing time or does he make a mistake and do it once a year?

Ecureuil · 19/11/2017 09:31

TBH you are lucky he knows where the washing machine is in the first place. If you leave him will you find anything as good ?

FGS really? My DH knows where the washing machine is, because he has eyes. And because he lives in the house too, he shares the household chores.

Get some standards.

JustDanceAddict · 19/11/2017 09:32

Hand wash only knickers? I didn’t know they existed. Seems a bit gross to me.
Anyway, cut him off at the pass and wash them straight after wearing.

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