To leave DH over ruined underwear?

[Sprinklestar]

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

Haven't read the whole thread (11 pages about washing underwear???)

But really?

First world problem indeed. Get a grip and some M and S undies.

Also not read bar page 1

Take him shopping make him replace said items. He might think a bra is a fiver. Hit him in the pocket as that's where it hurts.

In future keep underwear for washing in a certain drawer and do all your own washing.

Simples!

All the posters who do the washing and everything between them, when there is a really shitty job is that also shared, DH spent the last 2 weeks chopping down 2 largish trees and grinding them down for disposal, maybe we should have done I each, I think I would rather do all the washing.

Assign your DH some different tasks OP and see how it goes.

Actually DH does as much as me and works full time, I only work 2 days a week and the shit jobs in our house aren't occasional and how does loading a washing machine take 1 - 2 hours

DH does sometimes randomly hang out the DC's stuff, like 4 pairs of trousers and no tshirts, or home clothes when they need uniform. I then have to go out at 7am on a school day, when I don't have time, take them in, sort whatever does actually need drying and hang it out. It would be less work if he let me do it in the first place. He does it at night when I'm in bed.

I am gobsmacked at the amount of posters blaming the OP for with wanting to have nice things not ruined, or who think she should be grateful for having her stuff ruined. It's not about the knickers, it's about the constant willful ignorance.

And when you said "I don't trust him to get it right" that really resonated with me. When things are "unimportant" and he gets it wrong by not paying attention, you brush it off and don't give it mind space other than perhaps a "for fucks sake". But when it's things which will have consequences, that will (more often than not) only affect you, it's easier to just do it yourself, because you don't trust him to engage his brain enough to get it right. And that really wears you down eventually.

assign them other household tasks

Is this in a formal meeting with minutes and stuff?

It all sounds very grim and rather joyless.

Why does it take 2 people to do the washing Yorick? The DC get their pyjamas on, I put a wash on. It's done. DH is usually cooking his supper by then.

You do assign tasks to people that are a bit thick like OP seems to think her DH is as he can't seem to do the washing properly, I don't need to assign tasks to my DH as he just gets on with jobs anyway.

Surely he just has to replace the item. Send him a link with the sizes you need and let him buy/collect/pay them. He needs to feel the practical repercussions of his actions and put his hands in his pockets

Fgs its not the answer to change underwear.
Its the continual lack of regard for ops stuff
Its death by a thousand cuts

There are no assigned tasks here. I bung the clothes in the washing machine straight away, so it's done. As I said, DH is usually making his supper at that point. I do it because I'm free.

^ What billy said X100

This is my life too OP. DH and I have been together for 27 years and he started this pretty much from day 1. I have tried everything, including forbidding him from using tge washing machine for anything other than his own things. Nothing has made any difference. His need to be “helpful” overrides everything else.

To this day he remains astonished and regretful when he destroys something of mine in the washing machine. He’s always apologetic that somehow, no, it didn’t occur to him to READ THE FUCKING LABEL YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I have no advice other than LTB - he won’t change.

Im just trying to imagine drafting the unreasonable behaviour divorce petition on this one.

During the marriage, the Respondent occasionally washed the Petitioners hand wash only bras and knickers in the machine, damaging them beyond repair. This occurred once a year during the course of their 10 year marriage.

A judge would laugh their ass off.

How about 'the respondent repeatably destroyed the petitioners personal belongings, displaying no remorse or attempt to change their behaviour. '

Exactly just

Judy grand champ I'm with you - get your delicates out of his line of view. my OH doesn't take kindly to receiving instructions on housework, cause he is a big boy and capable and hates my nit picking. I work round him - but he is totally worth the effort 😍

It's really not about ruined lingerie, it's about his complete disregard for her belongings.
First time he did it.. OK honest mistake... Every other time.. At best casual negligence at worst deliberately nasty behaviour.
Sorry op.. But I would be wondering why the hell my dp was putting the stuff he knew was hand-wash only in the washing machine... Knowing it would get ruined.
How does someone see the hand-wash pile and think oh I know I will put that in the machine... And it nit be deliberate?
Passive aggression gone mad???
My dexh did this..

FGS if you choose to have clothes with special washing instructions then wash them yourself. I wouldn’t hand wash DH’s underwear and I wouldn’t expect him to hand wash mine

How about 'the respondent repeatably destroyed the petitioners personal belongings, displaying no remorse or attempt to change their behaviour. '

10 times in 10 years?

If you cant let that go AND dh is otherwise a good guy then it a matter for you to deal with.

FGS if you choose to have clothes with special washing instructions then wash them yourself.

She leaves them in a designated basket for her to hand wash. He knows the system. What is she supposed to do, set a Rottweiler to guard them?

The Incompetent Husbands thread started with what seemed like a minor story about the husband forgetting to post something but as it developed it became clear it was part of a much wider context.

I'm struck by the earlier poster whose ex was always smashing up her belongings by accident, yet never smashed his own...

IT’S NOT TEN TIMES IN TEN YEARS. IT’S OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT’S RIGHT THERE IN THE FUCKING OPENING POST.

Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.

Plus all the other crap like not bothering to look in the open freezer when he was standing right in front and said he’d checked.