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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Umm, what a dick move?

325 replies

user1497545304 · 18/11/2017 19:31

This is probably the definition of a first world problem but...

SIL and I got pregnant around the same time, and she's just had her baby girl. I'm due in a couple of weeks.
Before I even found out I was having a girl, I had my heart set on the name Elle - I even posted a thread about this! Me and SIL are close and she knew very, very well about this.

After much deliberation, I helped SIL decide on the name Mia for her baby.

Went to visit her and new baby in hospital this morning, where she announced that her baby looked like such an ELLA that she just had to screw Mia and go with that. I didn't say anything but I wanted to throttle her

Umm, wtf? SIL knew very well that we were going with Elle, and now we can't! Elle and Ella are just TOO similar, let's face it.

I am extremely pissed and also upset! I trusted SIL like a best friend. She's always been very aware of people's feelings.

Just rang up my mum, and was told I was being 'bratty' and 'overreacting'.

I would never dream of doing what SIL did, though!

AIBU?

OP posts:
PeiPeiPing · 18/11/2017 23:32

@Firesuit

The ideal name is 2 syllables

Never thought about this before, but yes it really is. Every pet I have ever had has has 2 syllables, and myself and my siblings have 2 syllables, and so do all my cousins, and loads of people I know. 2 syllables just rolls off the tongue better.

My one neighbour has a son called Paul, and people call him Pauly (yuk) or Mozza, as his surname is Morrison. No-one ever calls him Paul. Same with a pal of mine whose daughter is called Grace; everyone calls her Gracie!

So yeah I think I would go with a 2 syllable name.

Maybe the OP can use ELLA to piss off her SIL! Grin

.
These are not their real names.............

reallyorange · 18/11/2017 23:32

I can call you Ella
And Ella when you call me you can
CALL ME ELLE

Allthewaves · 18/11/2017 23:35

If you went on and on then you prob planted the name in her head.

Never tell baby names

EliseC1965 · 18/11/2017 23:43

Give her my name? elise has done me well. :)

Chicoletta · 19/11/2017 00:02

Call her Elle anyway.

And drop your SIL as a friend and confidante. Basic civility only. She is no friend.

Namow · 19/11/2017 00:24

It is a dick move. 100% and she knows it.

I would go with either Eleanor or Eloise because they can both be shortened to Elle and best of all they both actually start with an 'Ella' sound but are nicer.

Imagine - Ella and Eleanor. Ella and Eloise. It sounds like their kid's name is just part of your name. :)

IslingtonLou · 19/11/2017 00:53

I love the name Elle, you should still name her it regardless of ‘Ella’

If you were as vocal about your love of the name as you say then everyone in your life will know you had your heart set on Elle from the start and won’t think you copied the name.

Ellesbelles04 · 19/11/2017 01:01

I am an Eleanor and get called Elle, Ellie, Elles and... Ella!

When your little one is grown up she’ll love the flexibility of a full name and she’ll still be your Elle!

vwlphb · 19/11/2017 01:30

I'm pretty sure that the cousins would think it was awesome to have similar names.

In general I don't understand why it is wrong to give the same/similar names to two children who may encounter each other regularly. It suggests that the appeal of the name is about making the bearer "unique" in some way, and not because you inherently like the name.

I could maybe understand it better if you were calling your child Clytemnestra, but Elle/Ella? There will be a dozen in her school alone.

whenthestarsturnblue · 19/11/2017 01:47

sorry but the name Eleanor, elise and eloise are not nice names - stop giving the OP suggestions, the point is not about giving a new new name to the baby,.

whenthestarsturnblue · 19/11/2017 01:50

My sympathies to any Eleanor's out there. Along with Gobnaits, Assumptas, Bernadettes and Marys.

Linning · 19/11/2017 02:19

YANBU and I would still call my daughter Elle if I had my heart set on it from the start. I am curious as to how you pronounce it though as Elle means "she" in my native language as does Ella (in Spanish) so do you actually pronounce it "L" as the letter or more like Ellie? :)

tobee · 19/11/2017 02:25

Yes it is a dick move.

And talking of dick moves, it’s pretty mean to tell op her choice of baby name is horrible and that there are many which are much nicer!

Jugoo28 · 19/11/2017 02:38

We have Kate, Katherine and Caitlin among my cousins. I don't think it really matters too much.

Elspeth and Eleanor are both lovely if you didn't just want Elle anymore.

Pannacott · 19/11/2017 03:03

Stick with Elle! It’s your baby’s name.

If she thinks it’s too similar SIL can change Ella. It’s easy to change babies name is the first year. If people query just explain that you talked about Elle all through the pregnancy and SIL chose Ella at birth.

And Elle is a nicer name than Ella.

Fia256 · 19/11/2017 04:23

YANBU and you definitely should still call her Elle.

If she’s anything like my sister in law she might have called her that knowing you can’t have what you wanted due to it being too similar.

My SIL is a huge fan of “out there” type names. Always boasting the names they like or have for their kids aren’t even in the top 500. So when I fell pregnant 2 months after her (both with girls) I felt quite safe telling her from the start my favourite for our baby was Ivy as that would be way too normal for her liking. Roll on DN being born - they give her a double barrelled name with Ivy being the second part!!! She was fully expecting us to have to change ours but I refused to. Still called my dd Ivy Grin she hated me for a good month afterwards but she shouldn’t have been such a dick in the first place Smile

AstridWhite · 19/11/2017 04:55

I'd be furious too and I'd have to say something to her about how disappointed I was.

But TBH I think she's saved you from a name that's really not all that. I don't know where you are from but where I am from most people tend to drop the L on the end of words so she'd end up being called Eouw which sounds awful. Whereas at least with Ella they have to pronounce the L sound in the middle.

You've dodged a bullet if you ask me. It's a chance to pick something so much nicer.

Why don't you use Mia? That is lovely and classy not overused. Or if you like the E how about Erica or Erin?

Or Belle? It sounds the same as Elle but won't get muddled with Ella so much. Although where I am from it would still get said as Beouw Hmm

NinjaPig · 19/11/2017 05:16

Name your gorgeous baby whatever the hell you want and fuck your sil.

Also fuck anyone else in here telling you that Elle as a name is shit - you're not asking for opinions on the name, only about the dick move sil has made - how fucking rude!

wowfudge · 19/11/2017 05:24

@Linning it's pronounced like the letter L in English as far as I am aware. It's the French equivalent of ella in Spanish.

If the OP was planning to pronounce Elle as Ella then that makes the name choice for the cousin worse.

There are thousands of threads on MN about 'stolen' baby names. The consensus is always that you should never share your chosen names until after the baby is born.

There's an episode of Kath and Kim about choosing a name which is hilarious. Worth a watch if you can find it.

Mehfruittea · 19/11/2017 05:31

My mums dog has the same name as my child, who was here first. Hmm I know you don’t own a name, but, c’mon... some should just not be shared by two so close.

What about when DM/MIL has them both for a day... at soft play, the beach etc.

KarmaNoMore · 19/11/2017 05:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eeanne · 19/11/2017 05:40

In DH’s family there are multiple cousins and uncles with the same name. You have to say “Michael [surname]” or “Little Bill” constantly.

I went to school with a girl who had the same first AND last name as her first cousin who was the same age. They went to different schools luckily.

It’s not the end of the world so just choose the name you like! In many families it’s common.

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 19/11/2017 05:54

Perhaps get round it by calling dd Isabelle (shortened to Elle as you see fit!) or Isabella shortened to Ella if you're feeling mischievous
Thing is op. Babies don't always look like the name you thought you'd wanted to give them while pregnant. My dd is called a name that popped into my head while I was holding her straight after she was born. Had never even been on the radar, and was very different from the names we'd been thinking about (very traditional name versus a more modern one) so you never know, it could be a moot point.
You know never to trust SIL again though, so that's a positive.
One piece of advice. My SIL and I had kids within a month of each other. If she's the competitive type which unfortunately mine is don't get sucked into 'my baby does xyz, oh doesn't yours yet?' tinkly laugh bullshit. Smile and rise above it Halo

barefoofdoctor · 19/11/2017 06:32

Can't you just name your baby Ellen/Elaine (I know!) Elodie/Melody/Elsa/Elsie/Anabell/Arabelle/Isobella etc etc then she can be Elle for short, but full name will be significantly different and she will also have a 'grown up' version of her name too?
YABU because you told someone the name you intended to use! The only way to keep a secret is to tell nobody.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2017 06:49

Call your baby what you want and if she looks like an Elle when she comes out, name her Elle. Do you have a middle name? When dd came out, we ended up swapping the names around because she looked more like her middle name.