Umm, what a dick move?

[user1497545304]

This is probably the definition of a first world problem but...

SIL and I got pregnant around the same time, and she's just had her baby girl. I'm due in a couple of weeks.
Before I even found out I was having a girl, I had my heart set on the name Elle - I even posted a thread about this! Me and SIL are close and she knew very, very well about this.

After much deliberation, I helped SIL decide on the name Mia for her baby.

Went to visit her and new baby in hospital this morning, where she announced that her baby looked like such an ELLA that she just had to screw Mia and go with that. I didn't say anything but I wanted to throttle her

Umm, wtf? SIL knew very well that we were going with Elle, and now we can't! Elle and Ella are just TOO similar, let's face it.

I am extremely pissed and also upset! I trusted SIL like a best friend. She's always been very aware of people's feelings.

Just rang up my mum, and was told I was being 'bratty' and 'overreacting'.

I would never dream of doing what SIL did, though!

AIBU?

Why can't you call her Elle? I think it's rather nice for same age cousins to have such similar names. They will probably love telling people when they are older and correcting them for getting it wrong.

Very dick move. She knew you wanted to call your DD Elle, so she couldn't be brave enough to tell you? Crappy! Is SIL your DH's sister, or your brother's wife?

Anyway, I would find a name that can be shortened to Elle/Ellie and use that, then shorten when not with family. (You can introduce her as Elle at toddler groups, pre-school, school etc but then have the long name for with family, DH's family are the only ones who call him by his full name, everyone else uses the shortened version, I get "the look" when I forget round PIL's house)

Elodie
Eleanor
Eloise
Eleana
Elspeth

Or think about names ending with the "Elle" sound, so can shorten that way:
Rachael
Danielle
Joelle
Crystal

Got to agree with some others, I'm not a big fan of Elle as a name in it's own right, mainly because it doesn't cross internationally very well being a French pronoun. As a nickname, it is cute, but give her something longer in case she fancies working in Paris or Switzerland as an adult. Long term, SIL being a cowbag might well turn out to be a good thing

If Ella won’t be living with you, then call your kid Elle. It is so not a big deal.

And I wouldn’t bother with the long name if you don’t want to. If she decides to work overseas then I guess people will have to get used to her name same as foreign people that come over here.

Another vote for call her Elle anyway.

O I love Elodie...It's a bit of a mean thing to do when they know you love the name soo much but just go for it if it's the name you love but I still think Elodie's a great option.

I would text her and your brother and say - so pleased you like the name Ella. Obviously we will still be going with our chocie of Elle.

You may find she chanegs her mind

Call her Ella.

At least for one day.

definitely tell her you will still use the name, I think she was hoping to pinch it, and it will look very unattractive once she realises they will have such similar names

Just call her Elle. Its not the same name. Like Ellen / Helen or Nicole/ Nicola i see these as different names.

YABU call her what you want

I've a very similar name to my cousin (just one letter difference) like Eve/Eva, Joanne/Joanna similar. So like your situation.

Not sure if it makes a difference to you OP but it's never bothered me. In fact I didn't ever consider it a thing until another person mentioned it (and they were the first and last person to say).

I never get this “looks like X name” either, you line up 10 people of the same name and they’ll all look very different. Also baby to adults look completely different

She's banking on you backing off. Don't.

Stick to Elle if that's the name you like.

(Actually if I were you I think I'd introduce your baby thus:
We've decided to call her Ella too. I know I said I was going to call her Elle but you've made me realise how much I like Ella as a name.'
You don't have to mean it, but I would pay good money to see her face!)

Yay! Thank you Notsooriginalwerther Not that I was suggesting OP use Eleven as a name...

It’s a cheeky move by SIL, but there’s lots of lovely names suggested here that could abbreviate to Elle. I have a friend who had ‘her’ baby name ‘stolen’, and she went ahead any way, because that was the name they wanted.

I would text her and your brother and say - so pleased you like the name Ella. Obviously we will still be going with our chocie of Elle.

I like this idea, but if you want to be more subtle text her and say "Aww Elle and Ella will be so sweet together!"

Don't let her put you off using Elle. It's her name for life, it's her name already!

'Don't let her put you off using Elle. It's her name for life, it's her name already!'
^^ THIS... If that's who you see her as, that is who she is and I picked names for my 3 before they were born and I had no feeling of any of them not being the person and the name I had chosen. I am always surprised when someone says they don't look like an "xxx'.

I really like Eloise.

Having said that, the ideal name length is two syllables. A one syllable name is more suited to being a nickname. Three syllables is too long for everyday use.

Tbh she has done you a favour, Elle is awful. I've had people try to call me that all my life, hate it.

why not change it to Belle instead? Elle is a weird name anyway, doesn’t it just mean “she” or “her”?

My sil did this too, the only difference being neither of us knew what sex our babies were. She kept pushing for me to tell her my name choices, I eventually did. Lo and behold a few weeks later she tells me in front of others she has picked names and it was my choice! She did use the name but as it happened when my baby was born a week later it was the other sex so it never annoyed me

Elle is much nicer than Ella, go for it!

They are different names

Call your daughter Elle. Your SIL knew you were going to. Tell everyone from now until the end of time that she did a last-minute switch knowing what you were naming her cousin.

I had a friend who told me for years she wasn't going to reveal her chosen names for her future children to ANYONE because she knew they would be stolen and it would destroy her happiness. Then she (awkwardly, bless) asked me if she could name her daughter the exact name (first and second!) I had chosen for mine. (It was NOT her saved name!)

Go with your original name. It has rankled with DM for nearly 40 years that my aunt 'stole' the name she had chosen for me and used it for my cousin.

If you let her know you are still going with Elle she might decide to find another name for Ella.

The golden rule about choosing babies names is NEVER discuss them with anyone - EVER.

You can still call your child Elle. Her child's name sounds like a bit of a Rihanna song anyway - Ella Ella Ella, under my umber-ella ella ella...

Sorry to sound like a bitch OP, but if you are gonna tell everyone your (future) child's Christian name, you have no right to be pissed off when someone else half-inches it.

YABU.

And I agree with the poster @magicmoneytree that some families do have cousins with the same name. I have 2 cousins called Peter. And my friend has 2 cousins called Dan. It's not that uncommon.

@Crunchymum

Yes people don't own a name but you really can't have cousins born a few weeks apart called Ella and Elle. Especially not as parents are close (and kids will be too!)

Why not? Where in the rule of law does it say THAT?

@Mozthemonster

There are so many beautiful names out there

Like 'Persephone...'

PMSL!!! Sounds like something you would use to unblock the sink!

There are some bizarre and frumpy names being suggested on here... Elspeth - yuk. Sounds like a frumpy old maid from a carry on film.

I would not give a flying shit if my cousin or SIL called her newborn the name I was going to pick - I would still use it. (Then again, I would not have told her!)