Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

[honeylulu]

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

Jesus christ, his attitude is foul. If my DC behaved like this they would receive precisely nothing for Christmas or anything else for that matter, until they grew up and stopped being such a self-entitled little shit.

You need to nip it in the bud now OP before he grows into an obnoxious adult.

You've raised quite a little prince there. Time to reel him in before he gets any older. Fine to want these things, but to expect and demand them... a sharp dose of reality is required.

The watch is the strangest - young people Don't wear watches nowadays, they use their phones.

Get him a BB gun and a toy periscope - oh and some toffees.

I'm pretty immature but would probably make a point of getting him really obvious and shit knockoffs. Let him walk around with a Mucci belt and Ralph Boren jeans for a bit...

Ban youtube and reality tv. It’s really sad how the rise of you tubers has caused children to be interested in designer tat marketed by you tubers who rip off their fans.

I would nip this in the bud. Reduce the budget to £200 and put £200 aside for a future car fund or towards activities during the year.

Wow.

My son is 13 soon and his Christmas list consists of PS4 Battle front game and the new Guineas World record book.

If I told him I couldn't afford either he would tell me not to worry.

Your son sounds spoilt and ungrateful.

I'd get him small handmade gifts this year as a reminder of the real meaning of Christmas.

OP, If I was asked to write a wishlist I'd have some pretty outragous requests.Its like winning the lottery, but then I'd look at my budget and revise... You've managed your son's expectations by showing him this thread and I applaud you for this. Personally I have never asked any of mine to write a list as I know I'd get equally fantastical ideas but I'm always aware of a major present they want by the amount of bleating I hear. Everything else is stuff I think/hope they would like.

When I was a kid, and I understood money, I was given a £100 limit for birthdays and Christmas by my parents. I got one or two things that amounted to that and no more. It's taught me I can't have everything in life. My parents were/are well off as well so it's not about whether they had it, it's about whether it's right.

I think it would be fair to do the same to your kid but you could increase it to £150 it so (blame inflation!).

Oh god if my 13 year old presented me with that list I'd wet myself laughing and tell him to start again - no mater how much I earned.

Now is the time for a lesson on the VALUE of things, not just the cost.

Tell him to write another list.

You are very rich with an extremely high income.

Do you mix in very well-to-do circles? Because perhaps for him that sort of thing is normal amongst his peers? I am just trying to understand where he might be coming from.

The fuck is he gonna be asking for for his 21st? A house??

In your comfortable circumstances I would tell him the budget. Tell him to find/price the items he would like online, basicly he does all the leg work and you will pay up to the set amount.
He will soon learn.
I hate this aspect of Christmas .

I agree the child shouldn't expect expensive gifts and its rude for him to demand more but there are some really foul comments about this child on here. Op said they were basically posting it together with him and its awful to call him a greedy monster and a brat. Hes a child whose expectations have never been managed. Thats the parents fault not the child.

The watch is the strangest - young people Don't wear watches nowadays, they use their phones.

Well I thought that too, but DS and ALL his friends wear watches, it seems to be a 'thing' at his school at the moment. They're all wearing these 'proper' watches and look like men in their 40s in their blazers and massive watches on their skinny wee wrists. DS got one for his birthday (£25 from Argos, I know he'll either lose it or break it) and I nearly made the mistake of buying him a digital one. Has to be old fashioned face with a second hand apparently.

Anyway, I digress.

I would just ignore a list like that and tell D.C. why. I am baffled you are at all uncertain how to handle this.

I'm head of yr 10 and the boys in my year group have all suddenly become obsessed with designer belts. Gucci seems to be the designer of choice too. I don't think you should give in to your son's very expensive wishlist. I think one of those gifts (not the dog) is more than enough as a main present. But, I wouldn't discount the peer pressure he might be feeling. I've seen it for myself.

£400 is a huge Christmas budget! Anyone who thinks it isn’t doesn’t live in the real world.

With an income of £150k you are extremely well off and your son sounds like he has lost sight of how privileged he is.

For balance, we are a family of 4 (including one teen the same age as your son) managing on a combined income of min wage full time work, tax credits and disability living allowance. Our total spend for Christmas - including all presents for everyone and food - is £300.

His attitude stinks. Nothing to do with Christmas is it ? No way should you get him the dog. You need to ask yourselves where you’ve gone wrong to raise such a spoilt brat.

I am a bit disturbed at the glee and pious virtue-signalling with which some posters have put the boot in to this boy - a child getting carried away by some YouTuber or other, presumably. All the 'send him to volunteer at a homeless shelter' and 'what an entitled brat' is nastier than the attitude the child is showing - he may well genuinely not understand the difference between this list and previous years of always getting what he wanted, and he will be conscious of his parents' wealth. He's missing the maturity to understand and handle it. He needs disabusing of some of his notions, and guidance as to what is appropriate and what, quite frankly, isn't, especially for a 12yo child, but he doesn't the harsh and envy-driven 'lesson' a lot of MNers would have him taught.

And I say this as the owner of a dc1 of almost exactly the same age as this boy, who is also used to us being generous with him (though our income is a third of this family's) and sometimes needs bringing down to earth with his desires (his weakness is geeky tech and camera equipment) although we have always talked a lot about limited budgets and not being able to afford things.

Except that most of the holier than thou posters here wouldn't actually follow through with what they're suggesting the op does ie giving him nothing, sending him to a homeless shelter.

For one thing should people really suggest using homeless children who have nothing to give this privileged kid a reality check? Gawping at how little they have, in order to make this rich kid feel bad?

OP, if this is all true you need to sort yourself out before you expect your son to.

12 year olds have wild ideas and ambitions. Of course they do, and a wish list is a wish list.

You have reduced Christmas to a transaction of material goods by talk of budgets, asking kids to write an order for goods that fit, etc.

And as for letting your poor son read a load of adult MNers insulting a child, for YOUR parenting issues, Well, .........

FWIW my 12 year old gets presents of about £150. Though we know that they need a laptop for school so that was stretched to cover that.

Maybe pull the whole thing back, think of presents as surprises. A list is ‘for some hints’.

Speak for yourself frostie, if my children developed an entitled attitude like that theb yes I aboslutely would get them nothing in order to sort that out. As a parent we have a duty to make sure our kids don't grow up to be massive dicks, so a short sharp realiry check would be a great start.

He sounds entitled indeed, but why would you allow him to be so aware of your family finances? That sounds a bit stressful/TMI for a 12 year old kid.