Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

[honeylulu]

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

His attitude is disgusting.
That's about it.

I am a believer that stuff doesn’t spoil children but behaviour does. I would be asking why he wants all this stuff? What need is he trying to fulfill?

I also think it sounds like the Christmas list of a child taking the piss. He cannot genuinely think that this is a reasonable list of things to ask for.

First thing’s first, say no to almost everything on the list and set boundaries. Then once you have established that maybe look at what is going on that he has gone down this route.

I have known a child who was given stuff on this scale - his parents were very proud of their ability to provide for his every whim. He was a deeply unpleasant child sadly and wholehearted disliked by his peers

Telling him there's a budget really isn't "unchristmassy" op. I started telling my kids what we intended to spend on them a few years ago as my eldest wanted a £££ laptop and would rather have had cash to save for it than recieve a lesser item. Plus if you spend what you can afford on their wants you can normally afford some surprise gifts too.

£400 is loads! Plenty enough for a 12 year old. In fact a bit too much really, but considering your income and that it's about the same as last year, absolutely fine. Oh and you are probably right about the bollocks thing. "Everyone else's parents say yes" is a tale as old as time!

Why not this year? Well this is the first year he's asked for overpriced designer gear that's why! If he wants to be flash, perhaps time to get a paper round to save and upgrade to the high end versions

Oh and definitely no dog as a Christmas present, although I'm sure that's a very obvious no to you anyway!

Honestly my DS aged 12 is far more materialistic than I would like but he is bloody delighted that he has a £200 budget for his main Xmas presents. His list is fifa 18, football boots and some fancy brand polo shirts. I will also buy some small extras. I think in the kindest way your DS needs a reality check.

YADNBU at all!!! Pomeranian dog- I love poms but they are very expensive (that is about £700 to 1k at least from a reputable KC breeder).

If my son was acting like that I'd think I'd raised a total bellend.

I'm sure you know that a Pomeranian (or any other kind of) dog does not belong on a list of fashion accessories.
In any case no reputable breeder will sell you a dog in December.

Firstly, you don't need to negotiate with your son and you don't need to justify yourself.

I suggest you switch to the often-recommended four gifts only formula: 'something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read'.

First thing I’d do is hand over my own and dh’s xmas lists to him. If he’s old enough for $$$ adult gifts, he’s old enough to fully participate in the family gift giving.

My list would include the same number of items as his, some ‘status’ items rather than practical, some that are hard to source, some that clearly have a short half-life and all with prices indexed to be higher than his income (but are actually reasonable for your age group). If you’re being kind, you can suggest a few ways for him to up his income in the coming weeks by doing big jobs at home. Perhaps he could ask his grandparents for his xmas card money early this year, since you’re all moving into ‘serious presents for each other’ mode?

Don’t ask don’t get, but that response to your (extremely generous!) budget would have my blood boiling. What a rude little boy he sounds.

Mind you, I grew up knowing far too much about my parents’ finances (or lack thereof) and felt guilty asking for anything... but still. And asking for a dog for Christmas is dreadful, this is a living creature, not a toy. Not to mention the fact that no responsible breeder or shelter would allow a dog to be rehomed at Christmas.

I think he has seriously let himself down, and should be made aware of this.

£440 is my entire budget for Christmas. Food and about 15 people to buy for.

^^And yes, don't even think about getting a dog as a Christmas present, or at any time without a great deal of research and thought.

He's 12. He's old enough to hear the words "fuck off", which is what I'd be saying to him!

I have two teenage sons. I cannot relate to this at all.
We wouldn't DREAM of spending 400 pound on one child! That is obscene! Really obscene.

None of this sounds anything like Christmas. Just no no no no

Everytime he moans, knock fifty quid off his budget.

Sounds like he's being a spoilt brat. I'd spend his £400 on donating to children who don't get much you could give 8 kids amazing gifts with that.

I would be so angry if my child acted like this it's shameful behaviour and he should count his blessings he gets so much.

My ds is the same age, will be 13 in April and he doesn’t know what a Tissot watch is!!

He asks for Adidas and Nike clothes not Gucci!

He has asked for Fifa 18 and football boots and that’s fairly normal among his friends!

He'd get maybe one thing off the list if he was mine, plus the suggesting of getting himself a paper round.

I he sounds like a brat - has he been looking at rich kids of insta for inspiration? Those brands are quite erm adult.

£400 is a mortgage payment for me!

The sooner she gets some perspective the better. Otherwise in a few years time when he is grown up and gets a job he will have a shock!

Setting a budget is not depriving him - it’s doing him a favour!

£400 is our monthly food budget. I'm shocked at his entitlement and greed. How does a 12 year old know about a Tissot watch? When he's earning he can buy it for himself but he shouldn't be getting it before then.

If you pander to his expectations this year, what will his Christmas list be like next year? What will happen if your financial circumstances change, will he become empathetic & reign it in? I seriously doubt it.

My parents probably earned more than the equivalent of that when I was a teenager. In a big year I'd get a laptop or HiFi or similar for my birthday / Christmas, but most years probably more like £100-£200 worth of stuff in today's money. I've always had a lot of cheap things like second hand books and charity shop finds included that were low in value but had a lot of thought put into them.

IMHO £400 is very generous indeed.

Its not unChristmassy to have a budget, its real life. And its not in the Christmas spirit to be greedy or ask for animals.
IDK how much you know about dogs, but Poms are the smallest member of the Spitz family, and are pretty strong willed. They also need a load of grooming every single day. Not a suitable dog for a novice owner.
Whatever you choose to get him, please don't make it an animal he wants as a status symbol.