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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

301 replies

honeylulu · 17/11/2017 20:47

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

OP posts:
sallythesheep73 · 17/11/2017 21:53

OMG our kids are 4 and 7. Tell me this is a wind up. Tbh it sounds like you have bred a materialistic monster.
Some suggestions;

  1. A friend of mine makes his kids give 10% of any money they receive to charity
  2. Give him an allowance per month. Out of this he must buy everything and I mean everything... bus money to school, clothes, shoes, football boots etc. Otherwise you will have a nightmare with him when goes to university.
  3. Ask him what he is buying you for xmas. ;-)
Tbh it sounds like you have seriously fncked up if these are his xmas expectations. I might buy these if I was a millionaire but a child to demand these wow... good luck!
MaitlandGirl · 17/11/2017 21:53

I’d be wondering where he’s getting these ideas from? And how he knows about these brands/specific items he wants.

Is he at private school? Could he be struggling with ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and much richer classmates?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 17/11/2017 21:54

No parent in their right mind would read a 12 year old child these responses, so I'm calling bullshit.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 17/11/2017 21:55

I'm glad you have got through to him OP It's a hard lesson to learn, hopefully he will be more appreciative and understand the value of money now.

valuerangeweetabixandmilk · 17/11/2017 21:55

I think that he's taking the piss regardless of your house hold income. Gucci and Armarni at 13? What planet is he on?
Technology is one thing but 400 pounds is more than generous. Perhaps if he needs teaching the value of stuff he should get a paper round (not a joke).
When he starts working he can buy what he wants.

DillyDilly · 17/11/2017 21:56

If you’ve always asked your DS to put together a list and he’s always received everything on it, why do you think he would have expected differently this year. You should have managed his expectations better!! You should know well that teenager ‘stuff’ is a lot more expensive than kids ‘stuff’.
And I think it was a bad idea to let your DS read this thread - why does he need to know the horrible things that he was called and has said about him by a bunch of randomers ??

PrimalLass · 17/11/2017 21:57

This must be a joke, surely!

Glumglowworm · 17/11/2017 21:58

Of course he can understand that a list totalling your budget is more achievable than a list 10x your budget. If not then it's about bloody time he did! He's 12 not a toddler!

Tell him firmly that your budget is £400 and you don't give a flying fuck what his mates are lying about say they get. That's what he's getting and if he can't improve his attitude then he won't get any of it.

DillyDilly · 17/11/2017 21:58

Frillyhorseknickers - I agree with you. No parent with any iota of cop on would have allowed their child to read this thread. If they did, they are stupid.

Sunnysidegold · 17/11/2017 21:59

I know you've come back to us OP but I just wanted to say I like the idea of comparing the prices to hours worked by different
professions.

It can be hard at that age wanting to keep up with what everyone else wants or says they are getting but I think this was a good way to let your ds see the idea from other people's perspective.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas

SkintAsASkintThing · 17/11/2017 21:59

He sounds ridiculously immature........is he always like that ?!?!?!

Dustysparrow · 17/11/2017 22:00

£400 is our entire christmas present budget for our whole family, friends and extended family.

Your son should be grateful for what you can afford - christmas is not all about the presents. Expecting thousands of pounds worth of presents makes me think he has no clue as to the value of money and it's time he did. There are kids out there living in poverty who may get nothing for christmas at all.

Catalufa · 17/11/2017 22:00

My son is 12 too. He’ll be getting around £100 in total.

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 17/11/2017 22:01

Fuck me, you've raised Liberace Grin

Tell him no. £400 is bloody loads, never mind prancing round like Karl Lagerfeld. I prescribe a sharp dose of reality

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/11/2017 22:01

What do you say next year when he wants a racehorse?

Say that, this year.

whatwoulddexterdo · 17/11/2017 22:03

Your post has really missed me off

goingbonkers123 · 17/11/2017 22:05

Give him the £400 in cash then take him shopping for Gucci shoes. He'll soon realise how much things are and what he can get for that. It might be a good lesson for him.

kootoo123 · 17/11/2017 22:06

Are you seriously asking this?

lalliella · 17/11/2017 22:06

Sorry but he sounds very materialistic and spoilt. He needs to learn that just because you can afford things doesn’t mean you should get them. Designer labels are just emperor’s new clothes. Show him the Harry Enfield sketches “I saw you coming”. My kids take the mickey out of kids who are into designer labels. If he wants all that he should get a paper round.

revengeongc · 17/11/2017 22:08

This is bollocks.

Neolara · 17/11/2017 22:10

Just laugh at him to point out his ridiculousness and then tell him no. If throws a strop, just laugh a bit more. And then I'd introduce a bit of doing chores for pocket money.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/11/2017 22:12

I think the idea upthread of giving him an allowance and teaching him about the value of money is a very good one.
He does sound greedy and spoilt and you do need to nip this in the bud before it gets worse.
In your desire to make him happy, you have taught him that he is entitled to have everything he wants, so you really do have to change that or you will be raising a man who other people will not like and who will treat other people badly.

Seeing the other side of life would do him good. So I would start teaching him about how other people live.It might make him grateful for the £400 budget, which is more than enough for a 12 year old.

mothergetslippy · 17/11/2017 22:13

Bloody hell - he's 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12!!!

What's next year, dancing girls and a villa in the sun?

mothergetslippy · 17/11/2017 22:16

While you're at it - if the wants these gifts, get him to give up some of his existing posessions and donate to charity.

fartyghost · 17/11/2017 22:20

I showed your message to my daughter who is a little bit older and she said 'They are not comfortably off, they are very rich and their son is selfish, smug and probably gloats about the less well off from what I have read but I don't know him personally. He's got problems because he's spoilt.'