Son's Christmas gift entitlement. AIBU?

[honeylulu]

I think I know the answer to this but I agreed I would put it out there on mumsnet and ask for opinions which I will then show him.

Son is 12 (13 in April). I always ask him to do a Christmas list and until now it's been fine but in the last year he's developed a serious designer clothing/shoes interest. This is not inherited from me or his dad btw! We live fairly modestly.

His list this year is eye watering and includes: Pomeranian dog; Gucci shoes and belt, Armani jeans, Tissot watch etc.

We are comfortably off (household income in the region of £150k) and until now we've felt able to fulfil his wishes, given that his lists have been much more modest in previous years. For example last year he had a laptop as his main present and we spent around £500 including stocking gifts. I realise that I maybe should have started managing his expectations earlier but it hasn't been issue so far.

This year his whole list would run into thousands! So we have had to caution that he will only get a very limited amount of the items, or he can reduce the designer-ness of his requests and get more items but we are not a bottomless money pit. His reaction was that we have always got him what he asked for so far why not this year?

Rather unchristmassy but we said that there is a budget. (By way of background we are about to buy a big do-er upper of a house and will have to also keep /fund our current house until we can renovate enough to move in so money is tighter this year although we had agreed we would not reduce the usual budget for kids gifts, just have less ourselves). The budget similar to last year is, for him, £400 plus extra for stocking gifts. (We also have a 3 year old but can get away with a much smaller budget for her as she is happy with My Little Ponies etc at the moment.)

He says his friends get much more than that - more presents/ bigger budget even though their parents earn less and we are mean and can afford more. We think that is bollocks. We probably could afford more but that's not the point.

£400 seems like plenty for main presents.

AIBU? I will be showing any replied to husband and son.

Well obviously his list is a bit ridiculous, but I think that’s a pretty standard thing for a young teen.

If he’s interested in fashion then why not get him a subscription to some kind of fashion magazine, and a sewing machine? Feed his interest in a positive way and, who knows, he could start his own fashion empire and pay for his own Gucci.

Haven't you talked with your son about how "designer brands" are a rip-off, most of them are made in the same Chinese factories as "lesser" brands, how having designer stuff doesn't make you any more interesting or good-looking, how people who value that are really shallow, etc.?

Designer stuff doesn't necessarily mean higher quality. It often just means rip-off.

Sign him up for volunteer work in a homeless shelter.

Take him with you when you drop off clothes at a battered women and children's shelter.

Ask him how much of his pocket money he is donating to worthy causes next month.

You are raising an entitled brat. Please stop.

And that farty is a perfect illustration of why we don't routinely consult teenagers about how to bring up children. They lack life experience and tend to see the world in black and white.

And that farty is a perfect illustration of why we don't routinely consult teenagers about how to bring up children. They lack life experience and tend to see the world in black and white

Perhaps, we agree about seeing it in black and white. However, my teen was horrified at the stuff that is being asked for; the xmas list I have been given is a much more modest affair.

He'd be getting fuck all from me with that attitude.

My DS is 12. He is hoping for a couple of games for his x box and a pair of Vans. Oh and he also wants his usual bottle of Matey in his stocking. Normal kids stuff.

Basically you are the adults and parents. I mean if he wrote black Porsche on there would you get him that too ‘cause he asked for it?’ Nope. So, set some boundaries value/ number of gifts or whatever and do him a massive favour... otherwise you may end up creating a bit of a greedy kid.

this is hilarious

Please don't take him to homeless shelters or hostels.
I think the people who use them deserve rather more than to be used to knock the values out of him that his parents put there.

My kids all a bit older as well,will get £100 cash and stocking bits each...cheeky fucker yr son...yr not doing him any favors...let him get a paper round to fund his habit...plus give him money to buy the clothes he wants...you may find the ides of designer clothes wears off when he's spending his own money ,not someone else's....actually I really hope this is a piss take...back to basics with the meaning of Christmas perhaps ?

Lol the comment about Liberace made me laugh out loud. Hell no would he get even a fraction of that "wish list". Bloody hell, he'll be demanding a fucking Ferrari when he is old enough to drive.

YABU! You arent teaching your son a thing. You give him so much and he speaks to you like crap. Parent up. I can't believe I have read this smdh!

I say get it all for him. He’ll learn that it was a bad idea when he gets beaten up for looking like a ponce prancing about with his dog in his handbag.

Just buy him what he wants, you stingy old Scrooge. It's Christmas.

Expecting the tenner in the post, young lad

Don't be daft. Someone, or probably more than one, is taking the mick here.

Yes, there is an amount of 'us and them' still left in the class system. There is a 'what reg is your car' superficiality and 'how much is your house worth' snobbery.

Selfish people, from all sectors of society, can refuse to learn, engage or share. It may be their up bringing, their wiring, their entrenchment.

Maybe there will be a moral in this story about a boy who wants to be a little prince.

I didn't get a Tissot watch til I was in my 40s!

We will spend about £250 on ds, but that's for a decent fencing jacket and a new PS4 game plus stocking bits. We do fund uni in full, so he doesn't do badly! Luckily, he is not and never has been interested in designer gear, just gaming, and books. Watches are cheap ones for him as he loses them.

I'm not sure why you're surprised if he's always got everything on his wish list. He's almost a teenager, now his "wishes" are more expensive. Tell him what the budget is and get him to rethink his list.

Sign him up for volunteer work in a homeless shelter.
Take him with you when you drop off clothes at a battered women and children's shelter.

Under 18s aren't allowed to volunteer at shelters and refuge addresses are only given to women in need of shelter not so people can "drop off clothes".

That aside, the OP has already said she has read the thread to her son but I bet we get 20 pages of this now.

He sounds incredibly spoilt already. It’s not so much the expense of the gifts (because in a way if your parents are millionaires it would be weird to ask for a pair of socks from Asda) but the greed of suggesting that he should be given more and that friends are getting more. It is possible to being up non spoiled children in rich houses but I think it’s harder (as children take what they have as the ‘norm’). Frankly I would give him a lump of coal this year and maybe send him off to help at an old people’s home on a Christmas Day.

Things like Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme and school community service projects are hugely helpful for getting people out of their comfort zones and showing privileged children another side of life. This kind of thing could help him in the future.

You just tell them. My 9 year old wanted one of those ridiculous Lol Surprise balls....basically fifty quid for ten bits of plastic akin to cracker prizes.
I said no...that won't be happening....explained why.

Time for him to get his first job perhaps?

Next time you ask him to
Do anything e.g. Tidy his room, make it move all the furniture, strip the bed and wash the sheets, shampoo the carpet, polish anybwoid, and wash the windows. Apparently it's fine with him to just ask for ten times as much suddenly because you feel like it, so he will happily do it.

Still reading and taking in all your comments (ouch).
Son went to bed but before that was fairly contrite. I note some posters said I was stupid to let him see the thread but I did and I think he needed the shock of hearing how others see his attitude. He has suggested looking at Groupon tomorrow in order to modify his requests.

Are you raising Liberace? and poncing around with a dog in a handbag was very funny for both me and husband though.

Thanks again for the input.

Sorry that was meant to be bold not crossed through!