Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think getting quite drunk with a baby is odd??

576 replies

Choccywoccydoo10 · 16/11/2017 12:14

NC as could be outing.

So we are suppose to be visiting friends this weekend. They have a 6 month old we have a toddler. They want to go out for dinner and drink then go back to theirs and pop open the champagne. Apparently they have quite a few bottles. My DP friend then said he's going to guzzle the wine and his wife will be drinking too.

Obviously most of the drinking will be when the kids are in bed but AIBU to think you wouldn't do this?? What if something happened like an emergency and you needed to go out or the baby needed something. I wouldn't want to get really drunk while caring for my D'S.

I'm all for having fun and a laugh but a glass or 2 not 3 bottles of champagne and guzzling wine!

AIBU or would other people do this?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 16/11/2017 12:40

Is it not likely to just be chat? My friends and I talk a lot about how we're going to get drunk, it rarely actually happens because we're tired and we know we have kids to look after at 6am the next day!!

Carlz84 · 16/11/2017 12:41

I don’t think YABU. If that’s what they want to do, fair enough, it’s their child but I personally wouldn’t have more than a glass of my DH was drinking. I wouldn’t feel confident enough carrying the children up the stairs etc if I was under the influence. I would rather stay sober then take the risk but i guess I’m not a big drinker.

grimeofthecentury · 16/11/2017 12:42

Some of you must live on the edge all the time expecting to be rushed to a&e at any moment??! I have friends with kids with chronic illness and the don't even follow that sschool of thought! They even - gasp- go out have fun and leave kids with babysitters!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/11/2017 12:42

Seriously, ThickandThin, there are friends and neighbours who could attend to your child in an emergency if you were too incapacitated to do it yourself??
What sort of life do you lead? Hmm

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 16/11/2017 12:42

Sorry yes it might have not been clear. I don't think it U to have some alcohol while caring for a baby but getting smashed imo is U. I think it was the smoking of drugs that made it even worse. He was trying to get my DP and their other friend to do it too but my DP isn't comfortable with it. Before the kids they used to, and fine that's up to them. But now we have a D'S neither of us feel it's appropriate while caring for children. I don't know why his wife hasn't said anything because I know she doesn't smoke.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 16/11/2017 12:44

Sounds like you don’t like him much so I wouldn’t bother going if I were you, you won’t enjoy it.
Getting absolutely bladdered while in charge of a baby isn’t great. A few drinks in the evening is perfectly normal though.
When we stay with friends with similar aged children (we have 4 pre schoolers between us) we will have a few bottles of wine. None of us will be drunk behind comprehension though.

SavageBeauty73 · 16/11/2017 12:44

Maybe it's his turn to have a night off to have fun with his friends and his wife will have a few but not get passing out drunk. Not worth getting your knickers in a twist.

RaeCJ82 · 16/11/2017 12:45

There’s a difference between sharing a few bottles of champagne and getting absolutely steaming, don’t know what you’re doing, drunk!

ProfessorCat · 16/11/2017 12:45

I'm in the minority that thinks it's absolutely disgusting to drink at all when in charge of children. It might be all well and good saying that there are friends, neighbours and ambulances for a reason but why should neighbours be there to help me if I'm pissed and my child needs help? I can also get to the hospital in my car quicker than an ambulance can get here and back.

I stopped drinking the day I found out I was pregnant and haven't had a drop since. DD is 9.

Also, those who call non drinkers boring - get a grip. It's boring to need alcohol to have a good time.

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 16/11/2017 12:48

Also just like to add. Yea it's my choice just to have a couple of drinks but it's not my responsibility to go see to their child if they are too drunk to do so.

No it's not just chat. It's a special occasion as we don't live close by. So we both know he means it.

My parents used to go out and get drunk and take us to people's houses/friends parties when we were little and smoke (not drugs) and I didn't like it.

OP posts:
hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 16/11/2017 12:51

Also, those who call non drinkers boring - get a grip. It's boring to need alcohol to have a good time

It's not non drinkers that are boring at all. It's the smug, sanctimonius "I haven't touched a drop since I even thought about getting pregnant and you're all disgusting for not following my amazing example" people who are.
Boring, preachy and irritating.

I've been parenting for 20 years, I've also had plenty to drink. Never been an issue, so by my anecdata it's a great idea.

Doremisofarsogood · 16/11/2017 12:51

Me and DP regularly have a good few glasses of wine once DD is in bed (sometimes even before she goes to bed, ssshhh!) He smokes weed although I don't, he does leave this till she's in bed. Nothing has ever happened and if it should, we would be able to call an ambulance or taxi. We have never got ourselves in such a state that we would be incapable - we're early 40s FFS! All of my friends with kids drink for enjoyment and to relax, not to get drunk, no-one sees it an issue. Sometimes we even take the kids to the local pub for the weekend! We don't need alcohol to have a good time, but we have a good time with alcohol.

mybestfriendisadog · 16/11/2017 12:52

No problem with non-drinkers, but judging other people for not taking a vow of abstinence once they become parents, that's sanctimonious.

Ok - sounds like you don't like the DP. I agree, from what you said, he sounds unpleasant and someone you don't care to spend time with. That's the issue - YANBU not to want to hang out with some sort of drink/drug addled Peter Pan.

FWIW, I would lay money on his wife being sick of him :)

Goldfishshoals · 16/11/2017 12:54

Why on earth would both parents have to stay sober?

It's pretty normal for DH and I to decide one of us is 'main carer' on a particular day/night will only have one drink (I don't drive so I'd be calling a taxi either way), and the other can drink as much as they want.

You don't like this guy so you are pretending he's neglectful, but they've probably just agreed to leave the wife in charge of the kids that night.

oldlaundbooth · 16/11/2017 12:54

I'd never get drunk when in the care of the kids.

Even if there are other people around I don't, because I simply can't rely on people.

And I hate getting drunk!

YANBU.

kootoo123 · 16/11/2017 12:54

Unless they are paraletic people sober up pretty quickly in emergency situation s. Obviously not enough to drive but you dont have to be drunk to be over the limit. I dont drive when iv had any drink regardless if ita enough to be over the limit so by your rules any time im in charge of a child, which is everyday for another 10 years, I cannot have a drink at home.

RagingFemininist · 16/11/2017 12:57

Well i wouldnt drink either OP because
1- if I need to get up in the night (something quite common with a 6 month old), I want to be able to do it, not stumble. Loose my balance or generally feel shit and nauseous.
2- i know I will need to be in the ball enough to look afetr my dc the day after and I can’t with a hungover.

Howere, you will find that most MNtters think that trying to stop someone form drinking is the worst offense ever. That babies just sleep (right... no baby has ever wo,e up in the middle of the night whe they were 6m8ntns old). They are in their cot therefore safe etc... Never mind if you are passed out for most of the night.
But if you leave the same baby in his own for 5 mins to go to the corner shop or to the end of the garden, then it’s the worst thing ever.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 16/11/2017 12:58

Well do you plan on staying sober forever in case your dp has an emergency and needs to go to hospital??
I've had to rush my dh to hospital much more frequently than the kids. And I think I'd have much more offers of help If the kids were sick though!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/11/2017 12:58

I’m pretty sure being drunk incharge of a minor is an offence

welshweasel · 16/11/2017 12:58

I think most people would agree that it's irresponsible for both parents to get blind drunk whilst in charge of children. But I don't know anyone (other than my one tee total friend) who always makes sure one adult is able to drive! DH and I regularly share a bottle of wine with dinner. Both perfectly capable of looking after a baby but neither of us would drive. In the unlikely event of needing to, we'd either call a cab or an ambulance, depending on severity of the problem.

If you choose to stay sober until your kids leave home that's your lookout and I couldn't care less, but don't imply that the majority of parents are doing something terrible just by continuing to have a life once they procreate.

RagingFemininist · 16/11/2017 12:59

kootoo if you are over the limit, you are DRUNK. Your reactions will not be the same, nit in speed not in acuracy, not the type of choice you will make.
That’s why there is that limit. Because we know that at level, it will impede your reactions enough to be dangerous.

And yes it will still be the same when you get up to see your baby when he starts crying in the middle of the night. When you pick him up or give him a bottle....

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 16/11/2017 12:59

Howere, you will find that most MNtters think that trying to stop someone form drinking is the worst offense ever

That's just pure bullshit, actually, isn't it?

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 16/11/2017 13:01

kootoo if you are over the limit, you are DRUNK

More bullshit. This thread just reeks of poo.

Over the limit is one pint of beer. I (and most people) am very far from drunk on one pint of beer.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/11/2017 13:02

Don't be ridiculous Iamagreyhound

Nice bit of drip feeding OP.

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 16/11/2017 13:03

I'm not a non drinker. I enjoy a drink but I'll make sure to get a babysitter and not get wasted that I don't know what's going on.

I do like him actually. He's a nice guy and welcoming. Just don't agree with getting wasted and "guzzling alcohol and smoking weed. I know his wife won't be staying sober as she's said she's looking forward to drinking

OP posts: