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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think getting quite drunk with a baby is odd??

576 replies

Choccywoccydoo10 · 16/11/2017 12:14

NC as could be outing.

So we are suppose to be visiting friends this weekend. They have a 6 month old we have a toddler. They want to go out for dinner and drink then go back to theirs and pop open the champagne. Apparently they have quite a few bottles. My DP friend then said he's going to guzzle the wine and his wife will be drinking too.

Obviously most of the drinking will be when the kids are in bed but AIBU to think you wouldn't do this?? What if something happened like an emergency and you needed to go out or the baby needed something. I wouldn't want to get really drunk while caring for my D'S.

I'm all for having fun and a laugh but a glass or 2 not 3 bottles of champagne and guzzling wine!

AIBU or would other people do this?

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 19/11/2017 01:05

I drink, as does my DH. There’s no way I’d be in a relationship with someone who becomes aggressive when they drink.

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 01:13

Best thing to do if he starts ranting and raving is to say nothing.

user21 · 19/11/2017 06:03

What type of emergency?
Are people so uptight they anticipate an emergency at all times

Anatidae · 19/11/2017 11:21

Also just to be a pedantic git -

There’s a difference in damage done by smoking and drinking.

There’s no safe level of smoking. Every single fag you smoke does damage. One a week can kill you. Obviously the more smoke the worse it is but each and every single cig is toxic.

Drinking ? Bit different - lower levels are coped with fine by the body. There’s actually alcohol at a low level in a surprising number of foods - orange juice for example can hit 0.5%, the same as most nonalc beers. At low levels the body processes it and no long term damage is done. It’s when you get to a higher level/higher level over longer that you start to get damage. Atcthe levels dh and I drink at (me twice a year ish, him a couple of beers every couple of months) there’s zero negative impact on health. If we smoked that infrequently it would still have a negative impact.

Don’t get me wrong - higher levels of booze have multiple and awful impacts on many body systems from liver to brain (korsakoff syndrome for example) but it is a toxin with a threshold.

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 19/11/2017 11:43

update

We decided it was best not to go in the end. Our D'S is not feeling great and we both just didn't feel comfortable about the situation. So we think we will do it again soon when we are more organised with the hotel etc.

Anyway saw a FB update this morning from the couple as they had another couple over too. Looks like the wife did get drunk as she said she was "ruined" in her status. Just don't understand why they all got so drunk with a 6 month old upstairs.

OP posts:
hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 19/11/2017 13:22

So squirrel you have serious issues with alcohol because your own partner is aggressive? Why not sort your own life out instead of judging the rest of us for having a pint?

Notreallyarsed · 19/11/2017 13:23

OP it sounds like you were right not to go. “ruined” isn’t exactly a few drinks is it? Foolish people.

Fresta · 19/11/2017 14:13

And people are prone to exaggeration on Facebook.

I bet the baby was absolutely fine and that they all had a great evening in fun company.

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 17:09

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea, I don't have serious issues with alcohol. I have a drink every now and again.

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 17:11

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea, I'm not judging you. Why would I? What's my judgment? I don't care what you do.

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 19/11/2017 19:27

I didn't think she would be having just a few and I know those group of people and they love drinking. So no I don't think she was exaggerating!

My DP also told me today that at an event they hosted for their engagement a couple of months ago. So the baby must have been 3ish months. That the DH got smashed and then went home with his friends, cracked open a bottle of rum and sniffed coke!!! All while the 3 month old baby was upstairs. The DW I think was upstairs too but wtf! I was lost for words.

OP posts:
Gillian1980 · 19/11/2017 21:25

I’m with you OP.

I think a couple of drinks is absolutely fine, but I think that at least one adult should stop before they’re pissed if there are babies or kids around.

Somebody has to be sober enough to be responsible.

Gillian1980 · 19/11/2017 21:31

And frankly, the thought of a hangover the next day with kids is horrific!

SquirrelTail · 20/11/2017 01:45

Gillian1980, you're right and I don't get why people are trying to shame to OP for wanting to be tee total either. If someone wants to never touch alcohol that should be as acceptable as it is if someone wants to stagger the streets every Friday and Saturday night waiting about their problems and every possible variation in-between. Some people have a few drinks in social situations to presumably alleviate anxiety and are nothing but cheerful and maybe a bit tired. I never understood why people drink alcohol to celebrate things though if they're happy already. Someone on here was accusing me of having "serious issues with alcohol" as well for showing support to the OP for choosing not to drink... Um, what? I've had like two drinks in twelve months and both were responsible, quiet drinks in a bar.

A lot of Muslim people don't drink and the religion is the motivation they choose not to do so. Most people are not part of that religion in this country and believe what those people believe is nonsense (not wanting to go into that, just using it as an example) so why can't people use non-religious, scientific reasons they don't wish to drink and not get slated for it? People have a lack of imagination if they think the only way you can go out and have fun is to go out drinking. I found that it gets old quickly and honestly I would not have a drink around anyone's child or baby but some people do and that's up to them, I don't care. You know last year I saw an adult pour champagne into the mouth of a baby (in a public place) they were holding because they found it cute/funny. I thought that was a silly thing to do but didn't get involved as it was just a nearby stranger. I would not do this because I'm of the view it has the potential to damage your organs and have seen people with renal failure.

SquirrelTail · 20/11/2017 02:00

Choccywoccydoo10, I think it's a cultural thing where it's the only way in which people are conditioned and accustomed to having fun. It's completely okay if you don't want to do this. You could make friends with some Muslim people and you can go out and do all sorts of things with them as you would with anyone else but which do not involve alcohol.

I remember as a student the local nightclubs would pay the University to promote them with flyers and posters around the campus to make it seem as though going out to these places and getting drunk was the done thing and the staff at the University encouraged people to do so because it meant more money coming in for them. Flyers under bedroom doors, the doors of the flats, left in social places, people trying to give you goody bags and free entry bands everywhere. It's sort of a mandatory thing to participate in as a student if you want to socialise and maintain friendships but after the second year I couldn't be bothered with it anymore and deemed it a waste of money on something I wasn't interested in (and never really had been from the start). Some people are though and I was trying to make the point that my other half is very much into partying and clubs and the like but sometimes if he's drunk he can get aggressive towards anyone but not everyone responds in this way. I'd be ashamed to be drunk now to be honest, even though it tends to just make me tired. I'd feel like I was failing life in some way because to me personally getting drunk feels like the opposite of being cool. There's a pub near my house and when the drunks start karaoke you feel their pain.

Most people have the occasional drink to fit in with a culture where this is the norm, myself included but I do understand where you're coming from with your feelings on this.

shutitandtidyupgitface · 20/11/2017 08:49

don't get why people are trying to shame to OP for wanting to be tee total either

Nobody has done that and she isn't. Probably why you don't get it, because that's not what the thread says.

mybestfriendisadog · 20/11/2017 14:06

he sniffed coke whilst his 3 month old baby was upstairs? Well, tbh, i'd contemplate tipping off SS - that's disgusting.

This isn't a person with a small problem with drinking - this is a DH that likes to get totally trashed and then do more than one type of drug - quite different from the Op...

You're not friends with the mum are you? I reckon she's in a bad relationship...

SquirrelTail · 20/11/2017 15:14

shutitandtidyupgitface, someone said the OP must have no friends, that's not very nice is it?

Lelloteddy · 20/11/2017 15:19

People who post a FB status about how ruined/hammered/wrecked they were the night before should be automatically deleted.

shutitandtidyupgitface · 20/11/2017 15:30

shutitandtidyupgitface, someone said the OP must have no friends, that's not very nice is it?

No they didn't. That was one poster to another poster, who had been very rude. Not about OP at all.

OuchLegoHurts · 21/11/2017 16:24

shutitandtidyupgitface, someone said the OP must have no friends, that's not very nice is it?

That was me, and I wasn't taking about the OP at all. I was talking to the poster who said that she thinks that EVERYONE who drinks are childish knobs. Someone who thinks like that must have no friends.

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 22/11/2017 09:53

So another update. My DP spoke to the other guy who was at theirs at the weekend. He apparently said the DH got in 3g of coke. No idea if that's a lot and apparently the DW got smashed and was up till 6! I know like previous people have said it's nothing to do with class but these are well to do rich people. Never thought it would be so bad. I thought the DW would be soberish and be annoyed at her DH getting coked up.
That poor child!

OP posts:
mybestfriendisadog · 22/11/2017 10:10

it sounds worrying choccy - I'm assuming the DW isn't a friend of yours, the DH is your DH's friend right? I'd distance myself, they don't sound like people I'd want to know.

If the DW was my friend, I'd try and talk to her but I don't believe that's the relationship here?

Sad isn't it - but not the first time this week I've heard about friends of friends doing coke when they've got a small baby. On what planet....

Original poster
Choccywoccydoo10 · 22/11/2017 10:27

I know! No they aren't my friends. It's DP best friend but even he's saying he's glad we didn't go and his friend needs to grow the hell up.

So sad. This was very much a miracle baby. So to do this in quite shocked

OP posts:
mybestfriendisadog · 22/11/2017 10:42

perhaps your DP should have a word with his bf - having your first baby can be a huge shock - i can't understand why they didn't hire adequate childcare if they wanted to get so messed up.

I'll just say, the friends of friends we know that sound like these ended up with the DP seeing his kids for a grand total of 1 weekend out of 3. I don't know but i suspect the drug use would've been a factor there.