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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel sick to my stomach?

230 replies

TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 06:58

I have NC for this as very outing.

I have spent the past 14 months going through hell at work.

I raised aco

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 12:25

Thanks Cider - the first I will be doing is talking to a solicitor before I resign or do anything.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 16/11/2017 12:26

Please, if your solicitor has no objections, go to the press. Arseholes like this need to be outed, and the fire service needs a fucking wake up call

ohfourfoxache · 16/11/2017 12:27

X with cider - sorry

Legal route is the most important one here

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 12:28

I will be, they are doing positive action atm, laughable really.

I need to sort out practicalities, like getting my flexi and leave paid etc.

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 16/11/2017 12:31

This is a shocking story! And all the more so given the current foucs on sexual harrassment and abuse of power in the workplace. Your employer should bee deeply ashamed of how it has handled this, and I hope you find ways to get the redress you deserve.

PinkSquash · 16/11/2017 12:33

I'm not surprised you said its a FRS, I hope you can make some positive headway with this and get some proper answers. When they close ranks it is disgusting.

chocz · 16/11/2017 12:44

Just Read that excellent post from mrspinkcock

Hope you are ok OP and get some real life support soon FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

AnneElliott · 16/11/2017 13:20

Thinking of you op. Will send you a pm ( not sure I can on the app?) as I might have some suggestions for you. Cannot allow him to get away with this!

grannytomine · 16/11/2017 13:37

OP don't resign until you have legal advice. Have you raised a grievance about this, make sure you follow all the necessary procedures or you can prejudice your chances of taking this to a tribunal.

gingergenius · 16/11/2017 13:53

I feel like the whole of MN is behind you now OP. I’m so angry for you. I’m sure we all are. Please know that although we are strangers on the internet, this is very much a #metoo moment. I hope you get the justice you deserve.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 14:43

Ladies, thank you and I bloody love you all. I will be ringing ACAS and a solicitor today to make sure I do it properly.

Anne - I will PM you. I use the app but I go on the website to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 17:12

I’m not allowed on the premises now either or to have my laptop as I’m on long term sick.

I need documentation off it! I think I have done something wrong here, I feel like it anyway.

OP posts:
Bonez · 16/11/2017 17:16

Are you able to post a review on glassdoor?

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 17:20

Bonez - what is glassdoor? I haven’t formally resigned yet so I’m not sure what I can do. I can’t access premises or my information though.

OP posts:
hungryradish · 16/11/2017 17:34

This is horrendous! I hope you can get access to those emails soon, as they can easily 'disappear' which is the worrying thing. Good luck with it all & keep us updated. We'll done for being so strong too - it's people like you standing up to these horrible people that mean they get what they deserve in the end.

Bonez · 16/11/2017 17:44

@TimeForSilence it's a website where you can post reviews about companies you've worked for, anonymously. There are other things you can do on there too!

LakieLady · 16/11/2017 17:44

If you can't access information, I would definitely put in an SAR request.

They are behaving like complete shits imo and I'm gobsmacked with their behaviour, especially in the current climate. I wouldn't be at all surprised if there were dozens of other people he has treated in this way, all too scared to do anything about it.

It's a bloody disgrace. People have a right to be safe at work, and that includes being safe from assault, sexual or physical, by their colleagues.

I also suspect that he's got something on someone else in the organisation. I can't see why he'd just get a warning that will expire in 6 months when he's been found culpable on 2 counts.

Really hope you can find the strength to continue with this. They'll have loads of egg on their faces if this ends up in a criminal court. The publicity will be very damaging.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 17:54

I am still so shocked and so angry the organisation are protecting him.

I work in information management so it would be my line manager who dealt with my SAR. Her support vanished pretty quickly when it got tough. I can’t understand why me being long term sick prevents me accessing my emails and documents. Apparently it’s insurance. I don’t believe them.

OP posts:
bunbunny · 16/11/2017 20:32

Would it be worth writing them an email requesting the documents that you need, explain that they are needed as evidence and that if they are not provided or are found to have been deleted then that will be taken to mean that they do not want the incriminating evidence to be seen and as such it will be taken as an admission of guilt. It will also be seen as tampering with evidence and an attempt to pervert the course of justice.

Hopefully your solicitor and you will know how to word it properly.

Sorry to hear you're in hospital. Hope you're not feeling too rough, you're able to keep your phone/tablet charged and it will work in your favour in this sad situation you find yourself.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 20:53

I have a phone call arranged tomorrow to work out the logistics of getting this information and I am keeping notes of what is going on.

I have spoken to ACAS who advised that when I was ready, I need to fill out the early conciliation form. I also have legal advice lined up. I won’t do anything until after I have spoken to a solicitor.

I will be getting it in writing that I have exhausted all my appeals/grievances and how they plan to safeguard me from him but I am so angry. I can’t process this. I am also gutted I am going to have to leave my lovely flexible job because I am going to miss a lot of my colleagues.

OP posts:
tillytown · 17/11/2017 00:58

This is appalling OP, good luck with the phone call.

LakieLady · 17/11/2017 17:24

Good luck, OP. I really hope you get the best outcome possible.

Sick bastards getting away with this sort of thing makes my blood boil.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/11/2017 17:37

Really hope you're recovering from hospital OK and that you're feeling buoyed by all the support on here!

I'm wondering wouldnt it help your case massively for cd if you make a police report.?? Surely if he gets cautioned/arrested it gives your employers less places to hide?

Hope mrspinkcock can advise?

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 17/11/2017 18:06

Thanks ladies, I don’t think I could have fought this if it wasn’t for you lot and the great advice I have received.

I have been signed off as my Doctor isn’t going to let me return to that place. I have also asked whether I have any further options to escalate this and how work plan on safeguarding me in future. No response as of yet but I need to exhaust everything.

I am still devastated by the outcome and trying to process it. People have previously got so much more for less.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 17/11/2017 18:15

Are you in contact with female colleagues? Just wondering if it's worth sounding them out to see if he has tried stuff on with them...