Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel sick to my stomach?

230 replies

TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 06:58

I have NC for this as very outing.

I have spent the past 14 months going through hell at work.

I raised aco

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 16/11/2017 08:03

Speak to your employers recognised union. They may be able to advise even if they are unable to stand with you at a tribunal.
The man isn't powerful. He has been given a position of power and he needs that position withdrawn.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:05

Thank you all. The press would love this as it’s a Service which is notorious for this behaviour. And they really don’t want it to get out.

I will be fighting. I just hope it doesn’t go on much longer. My emails appear to have been disabled even though I haven’t formally resigned yet.

Regarding him, he’s powerful and he knows it. He knows it even more now.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 16/11/2017 08:06

He "attempted to have sex". That is attempted rape.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:09

Thank you everyone, I was at rock bottom yesterday because I expected the fight to be over.

I will carry on fighting - you MNetters are bloody amazing Flowers

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 16/11/2017 08:09

Nothing to add but didn’t want to read and run.
Good luck OP he sounds like a fucking dick and the company sound awful, I’m glad you’re getting out! Flowers

Monkeypuzzle32 · 16/11/2017 08:10

Lifting up your top id class as attempted sexual assault! I understand why you don't necessarily want to go down the police route being ex job but please please take all the other advice and go and speak to ACAS and then a solicitor, at least if he gets to keep his job then get some money out of the company, they can't give you a bad reference and then use that to go on a relaxing holiday at the very least.

19lottie82 · 16/11/2017 08:11

Only 3% of constructive dismissal cases are upheld.

Don’t resign, go off sick and get a lawyer.

bunbunny · 16/11/2017 08:11

Do you have legal insurance as part of your home (or car?) insurance?

If you do they could help with legal advice and letters.

Also is it worth asking in writing how work are planning on safeguarding you in work from this sexual predator who has repeatedly subjected you to sexual assault and harassment as you still fear for your safety (repeat harassment) not to mention trauma and stress when you see him, doubly so as he seems to be carrying on as if there wasn't a problem.

This will hopefully focus their minds - and their response in writing will hopefully provide additional evidence for constructive dismissal if you're doing that anyway - particularly if they say something along the lines of pull yourself together, we've dealt with it and now we can all go forward as grown ups... if they make some helpful suggestions then that will help you while you work your notice.

AnnabellaH · 16/11/2017 08:12

As ex police you should know that it has to be raised with them. He needs to lose his job. A police investigation would do that.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:13

I have a new job so I will go off sick, get a start date then resign and stay off sick.

They will settle before it gets to tribunal as they won’t want the press. It’s normal for this Service. As well as applying ‘gagging orders’ on people.

I will be ringing ACAS and taking it from there. I may drop in the police station and talk to someone and see what they advise.

OP posts:
GreenPurpleRed · 16/11/2017 08:14

I think OP is not quite 'ex police' yet @Anna.

Flowers that is truly fucking appalling @OP.

SonicBoomBoom · 16/11/2017 08:15

Please go to the police. This is appalling. Why is this never taken seriously? Fucking bastard society.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:16

Thanks all. I will ask about the safeguards but he has told everyone. And with this appalling sanction everyone will believe him. He’s so powerful and he always has been.

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 16/11/2017 08:19

You should have a right of appeal if your grievance has been partially upheld, to get them to consider the point not upheld. While you don't have the right to appeal the penalty for the other person, you can ask the grievance manager to reconsider your desired outcome (not having to work with him again and not having this happen to others in future) which is a roundabout way of getting the penalty reconsidered.

If your company's policy doesn't allow for an appeal, then this is a breach of ACAS guidelines so I recommend speaking to ACAS about that too. Good luck.

Collaborate · 16/11/2017 08:21

Speak to a solicitor before you resign. Disabling your emails doesn't help them.

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:24

I just feel so let down. After it getting taken to such a high level of hearing, everyone saying he was fighting for his career then this. He violated my body in so many ways but it’s worth nothing.

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 16/11/2017 08:29

It's disgusting but doesn't surprise me. I went through court, not guilty. I still don't know how to process that. In your case they found guilt and he gets a written warning?! There's fuck all justice in this country.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you sue the arses off them if able to.

rizlett · 16/11/2017 08:30

After all your hard work and stress op this is so disappointing. Even worse with you being told he would have to properly face the repercussions of his appalling behaviour.

Please keep going though - you are getting there - just not as easily as it should have been. The strongest always wins in the end - and there are different kinds of strength. Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/11/2017 08:31

No! You are of worth - he’s a worthless twat, and the organisation is acting with worthless and spineless corruption.

You rock, and you will fight this, and we are behind you.

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/11/2017 08:32

You wouldn't allow a random stranger to do what he did to you.

Why should unwanted advances from a colleague be any different???

Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:32

Loose - I am so sorry Flowers

There is no justice. I get a new start and a new job but it still leaves a bitter taste.

OP posts:
Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:33

I just want to know why. I could understand if none were found but 2 were! Apparently he is upset by it all but does that excuse his behaviour?!

OP posts:
AngelaTwerkel · 16/11/2017 08:45

"Apparently he is upset by it all but does that excuse his behaviour?!"

He's upset he's been taken to (very minor) account, not about what he did to you. But even if he was genuinely upset, it doesn't excuse his behaviour.

So sorry this happened to you, OP. I hope you can take this further.

PinkyBlunder · 16/11/2017 08:46

Am I reading right that your service is the police and he is a police employee? If so, I am unfortunately not surprised one bit Sad

I can't add much more than PPs have (all good advice!). I think if I were in your shoes, I would report a complaint of sexual assault and even attempted rape with the police (I know this would be hard for you) and explain that you've gone through a grievance process at work and what has happened and now you want to press charges. Then ride on that anger and shout about it to any MP, newspaper or person on the street that will listen.

Flowers
Original poster
TimeForSilence · 16/11/2017 08:48

Thank you all Flowers

I am relieved to hear it’s not just me being highly strung. It’s just the why.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread