To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

Oh and ds1 could also fairly easily pass for a 12/13 year old as he's very tall and developed for his age. You never actually know though.

I'm surprised she got her 13 year old son to go into the ladies. My son has refused since he was about 10. I would have to drag him in. So he goes in the men's and I hover outside. If he were to take too long I would go into the men's to investigate.

Yeah House but he is just a wee predator in the making according to mumsnet so doesn’t need protecting .

I’m actually really disheartened by the responses on this thread. All our children at any age deserve to be safe but yet gender stereo typing is as rife as ever.

Also it’s not possible to have more than one bad experience or know of anyone else to be assaulted or have a bad experience in a toilet. They are the safest places in the world.

i don't have much problem with men/boys being in the ladies toilet, the only thing baffling me is the fact a 13 year old boy would agree to go in in the first place! the 13 year old boys i know would laugh at the thought

A few months ago my OH took my kids to the shops alone. My DD who is 10 needed to use the toilet and she has quite high SN so cannot go to the toilet herself so my OH took her into the parents room to use the toilet in there. He was abused by a woman because he was a male in a parents room. Some people will complain no matter what.

The rights of a child (who in this case happens to be male) to not be assaulted trump the rights of an adult or child (who happens to be female) to not feel embarrassed EVERY TIME.

I can’t understand why some PPs seem to think it’s ok for a child to be at risk of assault to save embarrassment or because of ‘women’s spaces’ principles. That’s incredibly heartless and selfish.

I challenge any boywhi looks more than seven using the ladies.I ask them if they are a girl.

I am really shocked at some of the vitriolic responses on here. If you wouldn't send your daughter into a toilet because she might not be safe, why would you send your son?
Shouldn't we be talking about the fact that men's toilets are not safe places? And about how to make them safer?

No at sea my dd isn't 'dramatic'. I imagine most 13 yo girls would be horrified to find an age mate boy in the ladies toilet. It's pretty much a reaction to the treatment she receives from age mate boys over the last few years; since starting secondary school really.

Oh for Christ's sake blueberry, it's not unsafe in the men's toilet 99% of the time. Mostly, parents are just being precious/ridiculous

And if it is unsafe in the men's, then yes men should be doing something about that

All you people saying it's inappropriate for boys to be in the ladies with their parent can you answer me this. Ignore the fact it's a toilet for a second. If you honestly thought a situation could be dangerous for your child, would you send them into that situation because other people thought you should? Because I sure as hell wouldn't. If I deem a situation potentially dangerous for my child then they won't be going into that situation

“Oh for Christ's sake blueberry, it's not unsafe in the men's toilet 99% of the time. Mostly, parents are just being precious/ridiculous”

It’s not unsafe walking down the street at night 99% of the time, but for women who have been assaulted on a street at night that’s not much consolation.

blueberry, and so women continue to walk on streets at night....

Can’t recall who asked but the Mum said to the boy ‘no come to the ladies with me, it’s safer’ at the time I was as a bit but Didn’t say anything.

100% no SN.

I asked AIBU because I have a DS the same age and it wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind to ask him to come to the ladies with me in that place and time.

my 3 year old goes to the loo independently at home-I guess I should start send him into the men's alone from now on
Apply some common sense and stop being pedantic.
There is no way a 3 year old is capable of going to the toilet away from a parebt in a public space so that's clearly not what I mean.

But maybe I need to be a little bit more overly pedantic with expressions in case soneone else comes back saying 'but I potty trained by 2 year old'.

When a child is capable of going to the toilet in public settings on their own then it is more than reasonable for them to use the correct toilets.
All these people saying secondary aged boys should be able to use the ladies, wjat do you think they do when they're our with friends? Do they jist nip into the ladies because 'my mum says that the mens is dangerous'? Of course not.

By the top end of primary it is more than reasonable for children to use the correct toilet.

I don't get thr logic of 'teen boys should be allowed to use the ladies because thr mens is dangerous' but then if there is a trans woman in her teens who wants to use the ladies because they identify as female and are worried about the male toilets people say 'trans women aren't women. We need a woman's space and that means it's not for people with a penis'. All seems a little inconsistent to me. What thr message seems to be is 'womens toilets are a female only space unless you happen to be MY teenage son in which case your penis doesn't count'

cookies

Then stop taking your kids to dodgy places.

The answer to kids being unsafe in the men's is not to teach them they have the right to intrude in the ladies.

Get an attendant or a community officer.

Dont use the ladies with kids over 8

And I don't wish to be rude but it's your problem to solve for your kids. Not for everyone else's kids to solve for you by putting up with boys in the ladies.

How did you know he was 13?

When my severely autistic son was 13 I would occasionally take him into the ladies. Disabled toilet would be first choice but if someone in there was taking a long time (& tbh baby changes were usually the worst for that) then he just couldn’t wait. He’d be head butting the door or floor. So we’d pop into the ladies to avoid that.

Sending my son into men’s alone wasn’t an option (still isn’t). At 13 his then ten year old brother could have taken him into the men’s if with me (& did), but not when his brother got older as he became more unmanageable.

This is why we need unisex loos with properly enclosed stalls then this and any other faux issue can easily be resolved, we all seem to manage perfectly happily at home without assigned toilets maybe we can all be grown up and manage out side.

I have 2 12 year olds and one cannot use the loo in his own, if their is no assistance toilet available then I am going to go either into the gents with him or he will come into the ladies.

Given that I have never seen a woman displaying her arse at me in a public loo I will probably go for the ladies rather than cause any men embarrassment.

@Devilishpyjamas because I’ve known the boy since birth.

Faux issues
there,

@planetclom sorry, being thick! What does that mean?

Further to me saying I would take my nearly 10 year old in the ladies if it was safer, there IS actually another reason why I sometimes do it.

A handful of times when we've all been out together, (me, dh and ds's aged 7 and 9), dh has gone into the men's with the dc only to usher the dc back out and tell me to take them in the ladies instead because of how filthy the men's are. This has only been in public toilets, never decent toilets in a pub/restaurant obviously.

Obviously I wouldn't know myself, not tending to go into men's toilets a lot but dh isn't easily disgusted/shocked. When he says a toilet is filthy he's taking shit and bodily fluids up the walls filthy in which case I'll take my 7 and 9 year olds into the ladies unapologetically.