To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

Leilaniii - why is it ok for mums to take boys into the ladies but not the gents?

A fair question, but for a start men's loos are usually rank, but also I had hoped that the sisterhood would support me in protecting my son. Fat chance of that, given the responses on this thread.

Perhaps mums of boys should be teaching them to respect their facilities more. All these men making their loos rank were boys once.

but for a start men's loos are usually rank, but also I had hoped that the sisterhood would support me in protecting my son. Fat chance of that, given the responses on this thread.
Riighhhtt.
So you could 'protect' your son by accompanying him to the gents but you just don't want to because they may not be as clean as you'd like (and my guess is the next argument will be because men wouldn't want women in theit toilets)

And because you don't want to enter the gents all other women have to put uo with teenage boys in their female space.

Ok.

Perhaps mums of boys should be teaching them to respect their facilities more. All these men making their loos rank were boys once
This. But why bother when you can teach them to use the ladies?

But clearly I am just not as international as you. Do forgive me

But at least I am doing something rather than teaching my son that female opinions are second to his mother's imagined risk...

I've been following this thread for days, with growing incredulity.

Women's loos should be exactly that, a women-only space. You might need to bring small boys or boys with additional needs into the women's loos with you, but a teenager? Certainly not. If your (exaggerated) sense of risk means that you consider the gents' to be unsafe, accompany him in there and then contact your local police community safety officer and the building's management to push for better supervision, lighting or whatever it takes.

jaques
To be honest I so want to ask my Year 9 male students how they would respond if their mother told them to use the ladies with her.
I can already imagine their responses.

I haven’t read the entire thread as it’s so long. But what happens when he’s out in a teenage group of friends does he go in with the girls ?

MaudAndOtherPoems, we don't all live in shopping centres .

And when is the cut off? 13? 14? 15? 17?

Why is it ok to send a 16 ur old onto the men's but not a 13 yr old?

Do mum's of boys not care after then?

And the women are the evil ones here?

Afterall a 16 yr old is more likely to be on his own on way to part time job
A 13 yr old will likely be with friends who can go with him if they agreed

I can already imagine their responses

Gileswithachainsaw, it very much depends on the child. My (nearly) 13 year old is 4 foot 5, tiny, not gone through puberty yet. However, there are boys in his class who have gone through puberty and are much bigger and stronger.

That said, I have probably only taken DS into the ladies loos a handful of times in his life, probably less than 10 times and only ever when there was a very strong perceived risk of danger. Given how many times he has gone to the loo when we've been out, I would guess that he has visited the ladies

But nor are we all so radical chic that we hang out in gangland LA. It's pointless trying to devise a general rule that caters for the most extreme situations (if you're in gangland LA I would imagine that the state of the loos was the least of your worries).

I stand by what I said. All loos open to the public (whether on the highway, at service stations, in shops, whatever) have someone responsible for the building. It only takes an email to alert them and/or the police to problems.

You still haven't said what stops you accompanying your son into the gents'.

So no cut off then. Teens all carry on when you feel it necessary ?

Why is the ladies some on going solutions when it solves nothing when the long term solution would be to push for someome to do something about the men's?

"In the same way that posters are panicking about their girls when nothing has happened to them"

I am not panicking. I do not think girls are at risk.

Maud, there are less extreme examples I could have given, sure. But the fact remains that some gents' loos are dangerous for boys and as their parents we have a duty to protect them.

I would not go into the gents loos because:

a) They're (probably) filthy.
b) I don't want to see men's penises at the urinals.
c) If I perceive it as a risk for my son, then it is probably a risk for me, also.

I don't see what risk a boy is in the ladies loos with his mum. I just don't get it.

So the dads if the boys in the men's cant be trusted to keep their boys and teens In check and help their fellow parent but somehow mum's can?

I asked DS. He said he would hold it in rather than go to the ladies. The risk of being seen, by a girl...

I don't see what risk a boy is in the ladies loos with his mum. I just don't get it

And yet there have been countless examples on this thread: -

The mum who has a DD who is now too traumatised to use public loos because of the behaviour of a teen in there (who was with his mum...)

The lady who wears Hijab and wants to redo her head scarf in a space she could reasonable expect to be free from males.

The women who have been abused or assaulted and want a male free space when they're vulnerable.

The girls who feel uncomfortable with a male in their space

ALL these opinions are totally, totally valid.

I don't see what risk a boy is in the ladies loos with his mum. I just don't get it
Oh for the millionth time it's not about saying a teenage boy is a risk. It always coems back to 'so people are ayaing my lovely DS is a risk'.

Female toilets are for women and girls.
Male toilets are for men and boys.

The issue is people with their hyped up view of risk deciding that men who don't like the idea of going to the mena can just use the ladies regardless of how women and girls feel about that situation.
So the dads if the boys in the men's cant be trusted to keep their boys and teens In check and help their fellow parent but somehow mum's can?
There's no point trying to reason with people. It's a total waste of time.
In a nutshell mens toilets are full of predators and no other man or boy out there would ever consider ensuring another human being was safe.
But women are amazing because they can bring their sons into the ladies toilets because women should accept anyone and not question it because part of being a woman is ignoring your own right to a female space and putting the wants of a small group of men first.

"don't see what risk a boy is in the ladies loos with his mum. I just don't get it."

i don't think a boy in the women's loo with his mum is a risk. As I have said repeatedly.

I do think that his presence will make many girls uncomfortable. And girls have the right to expect a women only space to be women only.

I also think that boys have the right to privacy and dignity, an I cannot imagine many secondary age boys going into a women's loo willingly.

And I think it is very bad indeed for boys to be given the idea that they have a right to encroach on women only spaces.

My brothers were over 6ft at age 13.

And I can assure you people will have batted an eyelid at teenage boys in the ladies toilets. Who can apparently ‘cope brilliantly’ when out alone but not when they’re with mummy

There’s some revolting minimising on this thread. “it’s hysterical” “girls can be sexual predators too” (they VERY rarely are). I hope these parents of boys aren’t raising their sons to be this misogynistic

BertrandRussell
I agree with you (& I would imagine your view is part of the common sense view many people have).

As ever, it comes back to a small minority of people feeling the wants of some men and boys come before anyone and everyone else on the planet.

Women shouldn't get annoyed at men being in their space because having a penis doesn't make someone a predator... but teen boys can't use the mens bevause people with a penis might be a predator?

Yup, sums it up. Same as the trans debate really. Its fine for males to be scared of other males, but females being scared of males are just being hysterical and precious and need to get over it.

I am fairly certain it is not what the 13yo boys want. Although I agree with your other points.