To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

No one is missing the point, actually be accompanied by mummy is saying to that boy, you are fine to encroach on a woman only space, when they don't appreciate that other women don't agree with that stance. There is a danger that it breeds a sense of entitlement.

We aren't missing that at all.

Many posters have asked what these mums tell their child to do when they aren't there to hold their hand and walk them to the ladies.
None have replied.

It doesn't matter if they are with their mums or not. They are teen boys and teen boys should be using the mens facilities unless there are extenuating circumstances (which isn't mummy has a warped view if risk and thinks they are more likely to be attacked in a toilet than by someone known to them/their family despite all evidence saying children are most likely to be harmed by people they know) .

Telling teen boys they have the right to use thr ladies when they want teaches them that female space doesn't have to he respected.
People on this thread have suggested women and girls are the one with the issue if they don't want male people in female space. One even said they were being entitled.
And then we wonder why there's aj issue teaching boundaries and respect when there are some mothers who think their sons can enter female spaces and then blame women/girls if they don't like it.

I will be honest and admit that it took MN to educate me on the infiltration of males into female spaces.

I posted on a thread, probably 12 months ago saying it would bother me seeing a male washing his hands in the ladies loo.

And then my eyes were opened as to all the various issues surrounding.

And you know what? To ME it wouldn't matter seeing a 13 year old in the female loo but that isn't good enough. It is enough that it could bother some women and THAT is why we should all be protecting female spaces

And you know what? To ME it wouldn't matter seeing a 13 year old in the female loo but that isn't good enough. It is enough that it could bother some women and THAT is why we should all be protecting female spaces
This.
I personally would have no issue using unisex facilities (and some of the camping facilities on the continent are just one big block with men on thr left and women on the right with a lot more wandering about nude than I would have - so awkward! ) but the fact is that men in womens spaces would bother some and they absolutely have the right to female only spaces.
To teach boys that they can use female spaces as they wish teaches them that they only have to respect women and girls some of the time.

Is that going to make a girl feel less uncomfortable at the presence of a boy in the women's loo?

So, a girl's 'discomfort' trumps a boy's safety? Really? What kind of messed-up world do we live in?

What's with all the sarcastic references to 'mummy' when referring to mothers of boys?
You aren't referring to yourselves as 'mummy' are you?
Maisy I pointed out originally that the highest risk for girls is at home. Most particularly those with stepdads. Just as someone said a cubicle is safe but toilet area is not, is comparable with a bedroom being a safe space but the house is not.
Some of these posters need to look closer to home when fighting for safe spaces for girls.

What's with all the sarcastic references to 'mummy' when referring to mothers of boys?

Yes, no-one uses that term when referring to the over-protective mums of girls on here.

Interesting that the posters who insist on inflicting their sons on female only spaces refuse to answer any of the reasonable questions they've been asked:-

Would you wait if a female loo user asked you to?

What are you doing to make men's loos better?

So, a girl's 'discomfort' trumps a boy's safety? Really? What kind of messed-up world do we live in?

Yeah - let's make it girls' fault that boys aren't safe .

I have never 'inflicted' my son on female spaces.
Yes.
I stand outside in voice shot if it is a public area where adults enter. Same as I would for my daughter.
HTH.

You mean because parents (mothers) acting like their teenager is a small child isn't very mummying?

What do these boys do when they are out with friends? umm yeah mate i'm just off to thr ladies in case there's a man in thr mens. Aye me mam says if I use the mens i might get attacked

They are teenage boys. Teenage boys should use the mens facilities.

Would you wait if a female loo user asked you to?

Yes.

What are you doing to make men's loos better?

Hold on a sec, I'll just round up all the paedophiles, drug addicts, etc. from around the world to ensure they don't visit men's toilets. FFS.

beyond
It's a bloody joke. Don't worry girls you just put up and shut up because a boy can't go into the mens in case someone with a penis isn't very nice, but you just have to acvept people with a penis coming into your space because you're a girl and if you say anything about feeling unsafe then you are being mean and nasty and not puttig boys first like a good little girl.

Sometimes ladies toilets have massive ques and if your in an unfamiliar place why wouldn’t you let them wait with you.

MaisyPops, again, why is it OK to risk boys' safety to avoid girls' possible discomfort?

Hold on a sec, I'll just round up all the paedophiles, drug addicts, etc. from around the world to ensure they don't visit men's toilets. FFS.

Campaigning, contacting building managers, writing to your MP.

But hey, far easier to wash your hands and allow your teen son to think he's more important than females

In the same way that posters are panicking about their girls when nothing has happened to them but they are all suddenly at risk of serious sexual assault because ONE mother took her son in ONCE.
That's mummying. And it's senseless mummying, if mummy decides she wants to live with a man, as it is mummy failing to provide the 'safe space' at home.
Teenage boys do use mens facilities.
Teenage boys are not all 6ft
ONE POINT TO NOTE is that no matter who is in ladies' toilets there is a door between the toilet user and any other frequenter. The mens involves having to expose genitals in front of other men.
So the risk argument is flawed. The men's is automatically riskier.
Doesn't mean I will send my son in to be a danger to your daughters. But it does show why 'mummies' may be worried.

Because as I have said already, the risk of a child being harmed in a toilet is lower than a child being harmed by someone they know.
Other than extenuating circumstances thr entire saftey argument doesn't stand.

It's like people worrying about flying when they put their child in a car and drive on the motorway. They are more likely die on a motorway than in a plane and yet nobody bats an eyelid at motorway driving.

It is a warped perception of risk.

If you take the argument of 'it's not safe in the mens' then surely anyone who thinks the mens isn't safe for them should be allowed to use the ladiea? Why should women and girls have men in their female space?

Thankfully most people arw more rational and reasonable than people on this thread.

Leilaniii - why is it ok for mums to take boys into the ladies but not the gents?

• not risking boys' safety OR girls' possible discomfort then.

Bet some of these posters were the ones absolutely gutted when they were pregnant with boys. The way boys and men are viewed is awful. Except if it is to defy a mother in law.
Only on MN.

Campaigning, contacting building managers, writing to your MP.

We are an international family who travel across the world. We don't have an MP.

Why don't YOU campaign if you are so worried about boys in the females' toilets?

Leilaniii - why is it ok for mums to take boys into the ladies but not the gents?

A fair question, but for a start men's loos are usually rank, but also I had hoped that the sisterhood would support me in protecting my son. Fat chance of that, given the responses on this thread.

Why don't YOU campaign if you are so worried about boys in the females' toilets?

Rather than, you know just not allowing your male to use a female space?

Actually I on the steering committee for the local devolved council as we're taking over control of the public loos from the LA. They will be fully attended with the attendant pushing a button to open each door once they've paid their 20p.

Your teen son will categorically not be using the female loos where I live, and nor will anyone else's son who shouldn't be encroaching a female space

Why don't YOU campaign if you are so worried about boys in the females' toilets?
Because they are FEMALE toilets.

Not 'female toilets for biological women unless you happen to be the teenage son of a mumsnetter who thinks men are awful predatory human beings'

Common sense for most normal people=
Female toilets are for women.
Male toilets are for men.
When children are young nobody minds people bringing their kids in
When they are teenagers, people do.

JacquesHammer, what a parochial response. I don't believe your council's remit extends to gangland LA (the last place I took my DS into the ladies' loo with me).