To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

Nobody is demonising young men. We are just saying that girls have a right to use the loo without the presence of "young men".

And boys should have a right to use the loo without the presence of sexual predators. Unfortunately, assaults on young boys using public toilets happen. There was a case recently where I live, the child was 14.

They should introduce a family toilet, for children of any age who are there with their parents or carers.

In the meantime, if I feel that my 12 year old DS is at risk, either by undesirables or unsanitary conditions, then I will take him into the female toilets with me.

And boys should have a right to use the loo without the presence of sexual predators

So your solution is to let all boys use the women’s toilets? How do we know they are not sexual predators? Women lose out, again? Your irrational fear of perverts on the men’s does not trump the rights of women to have privacy and dignity.

In the meantime, if I feel that my 12 year old DS is at risk, either by undesirables or unsanitary conditions, then I will take him into the female toilets with me

How exactly do you assess that risk? And what does he do when he’s out alone? Does he pop in the women’s if he feels like it?

This is a ridiculous way to treat people who are almost adults. And actually I think it shows how society cares so very little about women that people feel they can just storm into something that’s just meant for them on a ridiculous unlikely whim.

So "unsanitary conditions" are enough to bring a 12 year old into a female space?

Fucking hell

How wluld you know it was unsuitable anyway.

If your in there with your child to check you may as well use it anyway as you are there no point in making a nuisance if yourselves twice.

And presumably if you are seeing something horrific and illegal you'd be calling the police? And police in a men's loos make it safer than the women at that moment

YANBU.

Toilets are cubicles in bigger rooms than many upstairs in houses. My dd 12 lives with 14 year old brothers,should I be sending them downstairs when she uses the toilet? You have doors with locks on,not getting the trauma.

My 14 year olds have only just started going into town on their own. At 12 they weren't going places alone and most certainly did use the women's when I deemed necessary.

Jacques heaven forbid the Messiah should walk into an unsanitary room

How wluld you know it was unsuitable anyway.

Well quite, why are all these women peering into the men’s loo? What do they even see that makes them judge it’s not suitable for little Johnny?

Fox when is it ever necessary to take a 12yo into a female toilet? Also, house toilets are different as I suspect you know, unless you open them up to strangers?

I feel very sorry for a lot of the sons on this thread. How mortifying for your Mum to force you to use the ladies in public. What if they’d bumped into a girl from school?

I’m trying to imagine if my mum had tried to make my brothers do that. I’m sure they’d have given her a look and told her to get lost. Mind you they were 6’2” at age 12 and would have stuck out like sore thumbs!

I'm amazed that so many teens agree to this too Cherry. My boys are generally pretty obedient but i just don't think they'd accompany me into the ladies if I shouted/screamed/begged or even tried to drag them. Not that I've ever actually felt the need to.

sorry but all men have the potential 2 be a rapist? and a woman cannot be a rapist? could u please clarify because seriously I'm struggling as a woman to not be offended by this.
Not every man has the potential to be a rapist in anyway shape or form. and I personally know 2 MEN who were raped by WOMEN not to mention the hundreds u can find by just googling it

mommytoboo86 odd that you would be offended by someone not calling you a rapist, how does that work?!

Anyway, IIIRC in law, only men can rape. Women can commit sexual abuse but not rape - well, not with their own body anyway. Rape doesn't mean the act of making someone have sex with you, it's the act of inserting a penis or something else in someone to rape them with I think.

Horrible thing to think about, I wish I hadn't written that post now

sorry but all men have the potential 2 be a rapist?

If they have a functioning penis and are of a reasonable level of health (ie, no incapacitating conditions) then yes, of course.

and a woman cannot be a rapist

Not as rape is currently defined in UK law(s). There was a long, torturous thread on the very subject recently.

Women can of course commit sexual assault so all women (excepting those with dehibilitating conditions) have the potential to commit sexual assault.

But stark reality is, that the vast majority of sexual assaults are committed by men, either against women or other men.

how do we know they are not sexual predators CherryChasing that is a good point. A 13 year old boy might be big and strong enough to attack a woman or girl or he might not.

Examples of toilets where I have taken my DS into the ladies:

• Hampstead Heath where the gents toilets is known as a popular cottaging spot
• A motorway service station on the outskirts of Yorkshire in the middle of the night
• Kings Cross in Sydney as the gents was littered with syringes and blood
• A border post in Oman as there were armed soldiers inside and DS was a bit nervous
• A Taco Bell in LA as there were some scary gang-like men outside eyeing up my son.

My son's health & safety was paramount. I also have DDs and would think nothing of it if a 13 year old boy came into the ladies WITH HIS MUM in such circumstances.

Oodles of scenarios. It's called safeguarding. ALL children have the right to be safe. These are children we're talking about and inferring children are sexual predators because they have a penis is appalling.You are sexualising children.

Where do you suggest 12 year old boys many of whom won't have phones go to the toilet if they don't feel safe,their adult doesn't think it's safe? The street? Or do they just have not go or suck up risk? Not a great thing to teach children.

Frankly I'm shocked re the high numbers of delicate girls. My daughter wouldn't give a stuff and neither would I if I saw an accompanied 12 year old boy in a toilet.

A 13 year old boy should be anle to ho on his own. But, if the loo is somewhere dodgy and unsafe, I would certainly not be troubled by a mother bringing her son in with het to the ladies. I do think we have to address why some public facilities are unsafe, though. It's down to male violence, once again. If these places are unsafe, why aren't they patrolled?

Where do 13 year old boys go to the toilet if they are out in town on Saturday? Have they learned how to be safe in the gents? (head down straight to cubicle). If they have always had mum with them and gone into the ladies, when do they learn this stuff.

Are these 6ft tall 13 year old boys ok to go into the ladies when they are on their own? Or just when they have a lady with them? How old does that lady have to be? If she looks late 20s are you going to ask if she is his mum, or is it ok if his older girlfriend takes him in too. Are we going to get to a stage where worried mums tell their boys/adolescents to say they identify as women so as to stay safe in the toilet of their choice?

All bloody ridiculous I know, but FFs - 7 year old yes, 13 with additional needs yes, but 13 and in a perfectly normal situation such as a service station or shopping centre?!? What age do we get to say NO.

Just what is the point of calling them "the ladies toilets" any more.

All bloody ridiculous I know, but FFs - 7 year old yes, 13 with additional needs yes, but 13 and in a perfectly normal situation such as a service station or shopping centre?!? What age do we get to say NO.
According to some on this thread they will continue to bring their male teens into thr ladies toilets until they decide it's safe.

Nobody has dealt with the 'what do these 13/14 year old boys do when they aren't been hand held by mummy?' question.

Just what is the point of calling them "the ladies toilets" any more
Well it woukd seem it's the ladies toilets and just for biological women if we are talking about transwomen wantingto use them because ladies toilets are not for people with a penis and having biological men in women's toilets puts women at risk.
But, if it's someone's son who could be thr same age as a trans teen then the darling teen son is absolutely allowed to invade female spaces in a way a lone trans teen wouldn't be allowed because the son is precious and the trans teen is obv a sex pest in the making.

(Should add, I am in favour of single self contained unisex toilets)

"Where do 13 year old boys go to the toilet if they are out in town on Saturday?"

I presume they aren't allowed out in town either.

But I do suspect t that the posters insisting on their rights to take 13 year old boys into the women's loos only have babies and toddlers. It is impossible to look at a baby boy and imagine him as a 6ft 13 year old with the beginnings of a beard........

I presume they aren't allowed out in town either
After all there could be a predator walking down the street too.

Threads like this always make me amused at people's perception of risk. A child is more likely to be harmed by someone they know (including known to the family) than a random person in life.
And yet we have people saying 13 year olds shouldn't use thr mens toilets because they aren't safe. The mind boggles.

6 ft 13 year old boy. Wow funnily enough I don't know many 6 ft 14 year old boys either. News flash- height does not a sexual predator make.

My boys have only just started going into town alone at 14. They cope brilliantly catching trains/buses alone. They now know how to suss out situations and steer clear if not comfortable. Shopping in town is hugely different. Sometimes cities,remote places have less choice and more risk. Towns,cities,rural areas,toilets,children,SENs,situations vary hugely. Sometimes you can't just move on. There have been occasions over the years and in specific places when my 13 year old boys have come in with me. At times flexibility and child safety becomes paramount.Nobody batted an eyelid,nobody died.