To think a 13 year old boy shouldn't use the ladies loo?

[NameChangeLulu]

NC for this. Recently I was in a situation where a group of people I was in went to a service station. A boy of 13 was told by his mother to come into the ladies with her rather than use the gents as it was safer.

AIBU to think that’s not OK?

And when your ds goes to secondary school what toilets at the bus station will he be using given they make their own way to school?

Essentially the safety of children with penises is not as important than the feelings of children with vaginas.

I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on mumsnet, and that's saying something.

Do you know anything about the levels of harassment from boys that girls experience, from primary school (primary school!) onwards, sailorcherries? Anything at all? Because I think you should educate yourself on just how much unsafe behaviour girls are exposed to from their male peers.

I have a son. I want him to be safe, always and forever. Making the women's loos unsafe will not ensure his safety. It will make a women's facility inaccessible to some women and girls, and it will moreover teach my lovely son that women's privacy and safety is not really important. That lesson will not keep my lovely son safe, either, never mind the women and girls around him as he grows up.

but my point is that I would not mind at all

And that's great, NellysKnickers, but other women and girls do mind. To the point where there's a poster on this thread whose DDs, with SN, have had to give up going to facilities they like altogether, so intimidated are they by the presence, in the women's facilities, of teenage boys in there with their mums.

A child accompanied by a female adult does not render that space unsafe. Nor does it teach boys that womens spaces don't matter.

My son knows he only goes into a female toilet if I am there and it is a public and relatively unsafe place, he doesn't when a male is there for him/at school/at his gymnastics class etc.

I wouldn't let him go to the gents alone. Mine went to the ladies with me until they were 18.

Seriously? A 17 year old needing mummy with him to go for a wee?

A child accompanied by a female adult does not render that space unsafe. Nor does it teach boys that womens spaces don't matter.

A child who is 13 can be taller than mum, with a moustache. For another child in that loo - a female child - yes, the presence of that tall, moustachio'd boy child may make that space unsafe. And for women too. Just because you decree it safe does not make it safe.

And how can it not teach boys that women's spaces don't matter? You are taking them into a women's space, against the express wishes of many women and girls, because their needs Must Always Come First. You might not want to teach them that, but that's the lesson anyway.

Sirzy I assume it's a pisstake especially with that name

Mumof56 I am going to show your post to my DS when he gets home, just to see the level of horror on his face as he contemplates that. Your poor son.

@Sirzy Seriously? A 17 year old needing mummy with him to go for a wee?hmm

He could get raped in the gents

Baroness - you might be right! (I hope so!)

If the toilets are ok for them to use when the parents aren't around. Whilst with friends or on way to school how are they suddenly too dangerous when mummy is there?

No Archery I'm not telling then it doesn't matter, as the latter half of my post explains.

And as for your 6ft nustached 13 year old, if your daughter asked why he was there with his mum can you not simply say "his mum wants to keep an eye on him" or something to that affect. The only ones making a boy in a ladies toilet, accompanied by his mother, seem unsafe to a child is you.

ArcheryAnnie wouldn't fancy parenting 56 kids, can you imagine the queue for the toilets

Erm...I think the strange man dragging a kicking and screaming 13 year old boy out of the loo may arise some questions before it got to that stage.

No they wont be dragging him out thats the issue

What about all the little girls in mens changing room never heard a male object

Giles again I'd impress on my son at 13 or 14 to go to the toilet when his friends are, safety in numbers. Until such times as he himself felt confident at addressing any issues, be that at 16/18/20.
I know plenty of girls who go to the toilet together well in to their twenties.

He also doesn't need to use a public bus or train for school

Same rules apply to that though.

Girls over the age of 8 should use the ladies.

If the toilets are ok for them to use when the parents aren't around. Whilst with friends or on way to school how are they suddenly too dangerous when mummy is there?

I think he uses the ladies when he's out alone, and the toilets at his work are gender fluid.

Yes puberty is the issue at this age. Some boys are twice the size of others depends on the child

Yes but sailor you cabt actually make your friends go to the loo with you..yju can ask and they might but not all froemds are going to want to walk out to the loo half way through a film when theybshkukd he able to go themselves if they are trusted to be out on their own in the first place

What about all the little girls in mens changing room never heard a male object

no one is objecting to little boys but you won't find fathers taking 13yo girls into the mens

The only ones making a boy in a ladies toilet, accompanied by his mother, seem unsafe to a child is you.

...you really don't know anything about the levels of harrassment many girl children face from boy children, do you, sailorcherries?

My 7 year old son accompanies me to the ladies, i won't let him go to the mens on his own. Quite honesty i don't feel its safe, why risk it? Once that damage is done (and i speak as a survivor) its done isn't it.

If he's with his friends thats fine they go in the mens. Although if theres just two of them and its somewhere like a mcdonald's, shopping centre or a service station i would make them come with me. I don't know when i will stop it, i guess when i feel comfortable or he feels uncomfortable. But i really can't see what the issue is, what might he see? Or you see? .

I don't let my 9 year old daughter go in on her own either

Archery i do. However if you could find me a study and/or research paper that spoke about those issues while the children were with their parent (at least the boys were) that would be grand.

We aren't talking about boys on their own. Or in a setting without parental supervision.