To not notice I was being excluded!

[Mrbluethecatt]

I work with 4 other women all of which are at least 10 years older and have worked together for a long time. Initially when I started 6 months ago I was invited to go out for lunch or coffee. This then petered out. I wasn't that bothered as we have little in common and have different ideas and opinions.

I have noticed that they often go out for lunch and coffee, met up at weekends etc and often discuss these occasions at work. I do join in if they are talking about work or TV like bake off so I don't just ignore them.

I've been getting growlers and looks over the last few weeks which I have been ignoring. This has escalated to tuts and huffs if I speak to them. I asked one of them if there was a problem, she said there wasn't.

I've had a email this afternoon from my manager wanting all of us to meet tomorrow to discuss what's being going on over the last 6 months. My response was what do you mean? What has been going on? My manager then forwarded me an email he received from one of the women essentially saying that I have been distant and haven't been actively sociable with them. Haven't invited them to my home, to meet my family etc. So on the back of this they have been excluding me from their activities and Facebook group. They are upset I haven't noticed and have therefore caused an atmosphere at work.

Aibu to....well I don't know. What do I do now?

I've read that email and imagined 3 women stamping their feet. Fucking loons.

But, but, but .... how would not inviting someone to something they had no idea about motivate them to be more open and join in? I can't even begin to figure out the thought process they worked through to get to that.

These people are seriously weird - do they have a bunker with a stash of tinned goods, ready for the day of judgement?

I wonder what else you don't know about that you should be part of?

In their eyes, obvs.

Totally bonkers.

How stupid. My workplace is quite social able but it is not compulsory! One of my colleagues never socialises with the rest or really talks about anything other than work to anyone but she is good at her job and that's her choice!

That's the weirdest work related email I have ever heard of

Could you explain to them that you're not allowed to reveal the true location of your home?

Please tell me this isn't real!

These women sound fucking mental.

Yes do call the HR consultant and, for our edification, can you time how long he is stunned into silence on the phone whilst he tries to process the utter bonkers-ness of what you have just told him?! Shall we open a book? I’ll start - 2 minutes of aghast silence!!

Oh this is one of the most bonkers things I’ve read on MN in a long while. Please let us know how the meeting goes.

I've spoken to HR guy and emailed him the emails. He will call me back later at home.

I think either way I'm out. If my boss and the women get in trouble it will get worst or I will know HR is shite and can't be relied on.

My DH is in the US so I haven't had a chance to speak with him but I will.

I honestly love this job. It's a perfect extension to the work I did in my PhDs. It will be a shame to leave it. Maybe I could just work from home with a different manager? My current manager hasn't really had an input on my work so far.

Unless they will be paying for you to socialise it’s none of their business!

Could you explain to them that you're not allowed to reveal the true location of your home?

Oooh, yes!
Say you are in a witness protection programme . . .

or people to be annoyed because you aren't arsed about their opinion of you is so ridiculous it beggars belief.

Did you join a workplace or a cult? They're all a bit mad. You should get in touch with the HR people, send them the email, nip it in the bud.

Oh god they sound completely batshit. They’ve basically admitted bullying you and are whining that you aren’t responding to their bullying? People are so weird these days

My DD1 used to be like this. She used to complain to me that friends who had come to play with her and DD2 were ignoring her. She doesn’t now. My 8 year old DD has grown out of this behaviour. Your supposedly adult work colleagues haven’t.

Sorry. WHAT did they say in their email? You didn't notice you weren't invited to a party you didn't know about so you're being mean to them?

I am amazed at how dysfunctional this all is. I'm glad you've spoken to the HR consultant, and hope he or she has some good advice for you--but in your place I would definitely consider finding somewhere else to work. There's no way those people are going to be able to behave like real grown ups, and that's bound to affect your ability to work in the long run.

Nah, I'm not buying this. OP are you sure that someone else is pretending to be your boss or something? I think you are being joshed. It's too ridiculous to be true.

I wonder if this will make the Daily Mail 😂

Are these a research team?

If the manager doesn't pull them up on how batshit ridiculous they are I would be job hunting if it were me.

This is now having a direct effect us as we believe she is passively aggressively ignoring us and has even asked if there is a problem

Hang on - they don't like you ignoring them, and they don't like it you stop ignoring them and ask if there's a problem? What did they want you to do? Were you supposed to go into a decline and prostrate yourself before them or something?

It’s like they’ve read the Circle and think it’s a handbook as opposed to a warning

Something to do with planning conservation

Oh my goodness, this is so funny- except obviously it's not for you op.

I second a pre meeting with the boss or preferably with the HR guy.