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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not notice I was being excluded!

525 replies

Mrbluethecatt · 15/11/2017 16:59

I work with 4 other women all of which are at least 10 years older and have worked together for a long time. Initially when I started 6 months ago I was invited to go out for lunch or coffee. This then petered out. I wasn't that bothered as we have little in common and have different ideas and opinions.

I have noticed that they often go out for lunch and coffee, met up at weekends etc and often discuss these occasions at work. I do join in if they are talking about work or TV like bake off so I don't just ignore them.

I've been getting growlers and looks over the last few weeks which I have been ignoring. This has escalated to tuts and huffs if I speak to them. I asked one of them if there was a problem, she said there wasn't.

I've had a email this afternoon from my manager wanting all of us to meet tomorrow to discuss what's being going on over the last 6 months. My response was what do you mean? What has been going on? My manager then forwarded me an email he received from one of the women essentially saying that I have been distant and haven't been actively sociable with them. Haven't invited them to my home, to meet my family etc. So on the back of this they have been excluding me from their activities and Facebook group. They are upset I haven't noticed and have therefore caused an atmosphere at work.Hmm

Aibu to....well I don't know. What do I do now?

OP posts:
Pecano · 15/11/2017 20:21

Don’t think any of my work colleagues have been invited to my home - not because I don’t like them or anything, I️ just wouldn’t have thought to!

HermionesRightHook · 15/11/2017 20:21

Oh and include any notes on what needs to be done and the status of your work so your boss is up to speed and you can't be made to look obstructive.

ThisTimeItsTrue · 15/11/2017 20:22

Hehe, following on from my last post where i commented on the fact you are a Medical Doctor AND that you have phds (plaural) I've just realised that your user name needs changing ... I think you need to change your username to DoctorDoctorDoctorBlueTheCat'😁

Original poster
Mrbluethecatt · 15/11/2017 20:22

I have I emailed myself every thing and HR guy emailed me recordings of our telephone conversations and back them up with emails. Very professional and helpful. He is one of the best things about the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrbluethecatt · 15/11/2017 20:23
Grin
OP posts:
yowerohotesies · 15/11/2017 20:24

Don't leave a job you love because of this ridiculousness? If anyone should leave it's the snippy bitches and the wet condoning excuse for a manager.

Of course you can go back. Hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong. You didn't even "tell tales" on the bullies, they are the authors of their own downfall.

onemorecakeplease · 15/11/2017 20:24

My goodness it sounds like a book or a tv drama!
Can’t believe they have behaved so strangely and unprofessionally.

Colleagues are just that - people you work with; you don’t need to socialise with them!

Glittertwins · 15/11/2017 20:24

Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning and go into work with your head held high. You’ve done nothing wrong and they couldn’t even bully you properly before so don’t let them achieve their aim now. This sounds like it is going to seriously bite them and quite deservedly so.

Katescurios · 15/11/2017 20:25

They are very stupid women. The first rule of being a bully is to not get found out. Who the hell writes to their manager and says ' we're bullying the new girl and she isn't getting upset. We're really sad about it.' ??????

You can go back, you are a professional and you enjoy your work.

If you like working from home then use this experience to get them to agree that you can work from home x days a week.

If you prefer working out of the office then just hold your head high, get on with your work, deal with your colleagues on a needs must professional basis (and laugh hysterically in your mind about the bollocking these silly immature women are going to be getting)

WipsGlitter · 15/11/2017 20:25

Do NOT say you would have loved to have been included in the Facebook group.

magoria · 15/11/2017 20:25

Have I missed something here?

Paid leave is just you using up your leave over the situation which someone else has created.

Which means you will not have it to take when you want to. So you are being punished?

WipsGlitter · 15/11/2017 20:25

No paid leave is not annual leave.

MamehaSan · 15/11/2017 20:27

Fucking hell, Op, this is bizarre. I agree with PP who have said you should go in to work tomorrow, you've done absolutely nothing wrong here. If you do decide to stay off tomorrow, I suggest you spend the time speaking to an employment lawyer, because if you end up leving your job because of these lunatics you will surely have a case to bring. Good luck Op Flowers

littlechous · 15/11/2017 20:28

Please don’t quit your job.

I wonder if working from home will be an option they will put on the table to stop you from escalating the situation (which you have every right to)

Ginslinger · 15/11/2017 20:29

very impressive re medical doctor and more than 1 PhD - I think you;ll have the research skills to find another job quite easily

HashiAsLarry · 15/11/2017 20:30

Hang on, they're liars too surely. They're claiming you haven't reacted but you did ask them if they had a problem. Bonkers

Did the HR guy actually use the term 'workplace bullying'? If so, that's pretty major. Glad he's on top of it at least. Afaik it is pretty standard to have the victim off, as hr you don't want any more incidents but it does feel like punishing the victim further.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/11/2017 20:31

At least your HR guy seems to know his stuff!

You have some nothing wrong - I don't think you have mentioned what you do, but is there any possibility you are an unwitting participant in some sort of bizarre social experiment? Your workplace sounds deeply weird.

Booie09 · 15/11/2017 20:32

Think they are Cheeky Nosey Fuckers....shamless bookmarking too!

Theresnonamesleft · 15/11/2017 20:32

That is batshit.
I wouldn’t go in tomorrow to watch the shit hit the fan.
What would probably happen is they would just use op going to HR as a stick to prod even more.
They will feel like op has caused even more trouble. Bad enough the bullying wasn’t noticed, but op has now gone outside the family to get advice.
In their minds they aren’t to blame at all.

Emails you can escape. You also have evidence. In an office in person, no escape and no evidence. No saying what these batshit people would do.

rascallyrascal · 15/11/2017 20:33

At least the HR guy seems sensible! Your co-workers are a whole lot of crazy!!

HermionesRightHook · 15/11/2017 20:34

Good work! I think talking to ACAS as a first step tomorrow is wise, too.

And a PP picked me up for saying you would have wanted to be included in the Facebook group - fair enough, don't say it if it's not true, I included it as a way of demonstrating that you would have been more involved if you had been included, but you didn't know about it, iyswim.

SlartyFarkBarstard · 15/11/2017 20:34

Bloody hell are you sure is an actual company and not a cult that you’ve joined?! What a bunch of fucking loons.

tallwivglasses · 15/11/2017 20:35

Did any of them invite you to their home? This is so weird.

Ohyesiam · 15/11/2017 20:36

This is easily sorted.
Just drop the passive aggressive op, and invite then over for a movie. Mean girls should go down well.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 15/11/2017 20:36

This is a horrible situation. Just wanted you to know I have been through this was a former job. Pulled in by my boss because I wasn't socialising enough with the admin team. I pointed out that he had just massively increased the targets of the sales team (of which I was the only female) and that I was focussed on hitting the target rather than socialising at work. He didn't pull up any of my male colleagues on this. It was the final straw in a horrible work place and I left soon after. I hope you get this sorted because you shouldn't have to leave a job you enjoy because of this