To ask for your help on how to stand up for myself later?

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Hi,

Ok so I've deliberately chosen AIBU as I need non-minced words

In August I took on a sort of nanny/family PA/housekeeper type role. The parents seemed laid back, lovely....with reasonable expectations.

I'm clearly a crap judge of character. Although the kid I look after is indeed brilliant, no complaints there.

I had a three month probationary period. Due to end last Friday. They've just informed me they'd like to extend it for another three months (i.e. they could still get rid of me with a week's notice and I have no comeback for unfair dismissal etc)

Because, although I'm apparently a fantastic nanny, (way to treat a fantastic nanny ) I haven't met their expectations in the other departments. They are still stressed on the weekend apparently and finding themselves having to do housework....

They also have a cleaner for 12 hours a week, I put laundry on once a day and the cleaner does it too, loads of other stuff gets taken and picked up from the dry cleaner by me.

I seriously am at a loss to know where this extra work and stres is coming from.

They own about five properties across the city and in the time I've been working for them, two sets of tenants have served notice. That meant advertising for more, finding more, organising viewings, vetting, moving the previous tenants out, organising cleaners, handymen.... I worked two Saturdays to get all this done. So while all this has been going on I'm also expected to keep the house ship shape, do the school run in the afternoon, ferry to after school club, oversee homework, make dinner, get ready for bed....then there's all their other PA stuff like booking flights, theatre tickets, paying for parking tickets, inputting all the expenses in spreadsheets, ordering groceries....

The dad especially is a bit military in his approach to cleanliness and often pulls me up on things like side not polished, dishwasher not switched on/loaded correctly...I used cling film in the fridge which is a big no as apparently we'll all get cancer...

I can't do all this and meet every single need perfectly. Added to this in the school holidays I'm 'just' supposed to be a full time nanny and keep a six year old stimulated (no screen time allowed ever) all day.... so you can imagine how much all the other stuff goes to pot during those times.

Meant to have weekly meetings with the mum- she's never found the time.

So after her just telling me I'm supposed to just continue on probation until they can 'define the role' I have asked for a meeting to discuss, because I do not think I'm being treated very fairly. It's apparently goung to take place at 5pm.

I need to be firm, assertive and not take any shit. Or should I just jack it in (I am very tempted right now to just jack it in but it would seem Ike quitting, I don't have another job lined up obviously but would be fine money wise for a little while as we are staying with a family member and paying nominal rent while we save)

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I think it probably will be the outcome, it's just whether it's a week or a month...I could obviously do with the income while I jobsearch but I don't want them to make my life shit knowing that I'm leaving. There'll be lots of talk of 'we thought you'd so reliable, bla bla bla, you're letting down our son etc'

[schoolgaterebel]

Good luck with your our meeting by today

[RobberOfCatan]

Good luck op. I worked for a family like this early in my career (as a nanny), I lasted three months, they were ridiculous, I could never do anything right and it took a good year for me to realise that I was actually good at my job, I just needed the chance to do it without constant criticism!
In my last position I did a similar role to what you're supposed to be doing, but I had a lot more time to get the non childcare aspects of my job done (and much less of that was expected than you have!)
They really are taking the piss!

[StormTreader]

"we thought you'd so reliable"

Unfortunately for them, that works both ways, doesnt it? You couldnt even rely on them keeping your final meeting the other day. Besides, they are clearly not happy with you either if they want to extend your probation, so if they are that unhappy then its best for everyone if you leave....

[Anatidae]

‘Can you expand on why I am not reliable? I have taken on aspects of other jobs and been there for your child and aspects of your other businesses like property management. I have never been late or let you down with work.
You have changed the parameters of the contract and expanded the duties significantly from the original job description and consistently cancelled meetings.’

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

That's true, I've never phoned in sick (I asked for a late start one day after my grandma died but still came in) never been late and always arrived half an hour before my official start time when the mum was away in half term and the dad couldn't cope with getting his child dressed and fed while getting ready for work

[InternetHoopJumper]

I am dying to know how the lunch meeting went. Was she reasonable?

[Sienna333]

A lot of nanny bosses can be very hypocritical. They ask for the world but give little back and it is ALL about them and their needs. You certainly deserve better OP and you don't owe them anything. You have already put up with so much of their crap.

[expatinscotland]

Please, please, just leave. They make you feel like shit. You can manage until you get another job. There's no need to justify yourself to these twats. They're taking the piss and you owe them nothing.

[mussinboots]

Thinking of you OP. Please let us know how your meeting goes. X

[hellsbellsmelons]

Wow - they sound awful.
Time to resign.
Unless she came to her senses at the lunch meeting???

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

OK. I've resigned.

I told her I would be leaving next week and she begged me not to. So I've said I will stay until they go on holiday on the 16th December as long as

Housekeeping duties are removed from my responsibilities (child related duties only) so the cleaner is hopefully going to up her hours from 12 to 18, but either way I'm not making up any shortfall.

3x nights babysitting only in that time, with a week's notice.

I add up the extra hours I've spent on sourcing tenants and receive payment for those

A written glowing reference emailed by the close of Friday

No berating or criticism from the dad, or we terminate employment with immediate effect.

So, on the job search!

[Anatidae]

Well done ma’am!

[CandleLit]

Good for you. How do you feel now?

[MeAndMyElephant]

What happened at the meeting?

[AppleHEAD]

Well done. A brave decision but definitely the right one. Maybe they will think now about how they treat people.

[DarthMaiden]

Well done.

I think you’ve done the right thing.

You’ve also now got time to find something else.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

The meeting was good but she immediately launched into how stressed SHE was and how AWFUL it had been for her with all this extra work and I did have to say hang on, I called this meeting to talk about what I'm feeling! I gave her the list of tasks and told her she needed a nanny, a property manager and a housekeeper.

Anyway her plan is after Christmas to get a full time live in housekeeper and maybe a separate part time one for weekends!

I feel good, I feel like I stood up for myself. I was also prepared to walk away there and then which I wouldn't have been able to do previously as I wouldn't have had money to pay my rent! So that put me in a stronger position. I got some really fantastic advice on here, thank you everyone

[healthyheart]

Just read the whole thread. Fabulous! Well done. Great team effort from the mumsnetters. Good outcome, just make sure she keeps to what’s been agreed. Good luck in the new job search,

[The80sweregreat]

Harriet, i am glad you were able to put your side across to your employers and they are now thinking about hiring more staff. Mumsnetters are so good when it comes to things like this - i am hazy with employment laws myself, but when i read threads like this it makes me realise how complicated it can be and how you need to watch out.
I hope things start to improve for you and they don't give you a lot more work with the holidays/ christmas looming as well. lets hope they do as they say in the new year and spread the load a lot more. good luck.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Excellent outcome!

I particularly like getting the reference now. Nice move.

[schoolgaterebel]

Well done OP, really good outcome.

I'm still baffled by how one family can need so many staff...but hey ho each to their own

[StormTreader]

Make sure you get that reference ASAP or she may be "too busy" to do it once you've left.

[JessieMcJessie]

You did brilliantly- well done!