To ask for your help on how to stand up for myself later?

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Hi,

Ok so I've deliberately chosen AIBU as I need non-minced words

In August I took on a sort of nanny/family PA/housekeeper type role. The parents seemed laid back, lovely....with reasonable expectations.

I'm clearly a crap judge of character. Although the kid I look after is indeed brilliant, no complaints there.

I had a three month probationary period. Due to end last Friday. They've just informed me they'd like to extend it for another three months (i.e. they could still get rid of me with a week's notice and I have no comeback for unfair dismissal etc)

Because, although I'm apparently a fantastic nanny, (way to treat a fantastic nanny ) I haven't met their expectations in the other departments. They are still stressed on the weekend apparently and finding themselves having to do housework....

They also have a cleaner for 12 hours a week, I put laundry on once a day and the cleaner does it too, loads of other stuff gets taken and picked up from the dry cleaner by me.

I seriously am at a loss to know where this extra work and stres is coming from.

They own about five properties across the city and in the time I've been working for them, two sets of tenants have served notice. That meant advertising for more, finding more, organising viewings, vetting, moving the previous tenants out, organising cleaners, handymen.... I worked two Saturdays to get all this done. So while all this has been going on I'm also expected to keep the house ship shape, do the school run in the afternoon, ferry to after school club, oversee homework, make dinner, get ready for bed....then there's all their other PA stuff like booking flights, theatre tickets, paying for parking tickets, inputting all the expenses in spreadsheets, ordering groceries....

The dad especially is a bit military in his approach to cleanliness and often pulls me up on things like side not polished, dishwasher not switched on/loaded correctly...I used cling film in the fridge which is a big no as apparently we'll all get cancer...

I can't do all this and meet every single need perfectly. Added to this in the school holidays I'm 'just' supposed to be a full time nanny and keep a six year old stimulated (no screen time allowed ever) all day.... so you can imagine how much all the other stuff goes to pot during those times.

Meant to have weekly meetings with the mum- she's never found the time.

So after her just telling me I'm supposed to just continue on probation until they can 'define the role' I have asked for a meeting to discuss, because I do not think I'm being treated very fairly. It's apparently goung to take place at 5pm.

I need to be firm, assertive and not take any shit. Or should I just jack it in (I am very tempted right now to just jack it in but it would seem Ike quitting, I don't have another job lined up obviously but would be fine money wise for a little while as we are staying with a family member and paying nominal rent while we save)

Quote the relevant part of your contract back to them and say it isn't part of the contractual agreement to extend the probation period. Then give a selection of dates and times tonreschedule the review. Agree with others that they are looking to give themselves the most flexibility if they decide to replace you.

Don’t leave this without makeup by it clear that you’re not accepting a contract variation. They sound ghastly but want to hang on to you till Feb and then bin you.

You need to email back and tell them that you're leaving. They won't change and it will get worse. Leave.

Honestly OP it's going too get a lot worse, they will continue the move the goal posts asking more and more of you.

I can't imagine they are going to be finding anyone that can do everything they want, you are already going above and beyond and being brutally honest I can't imagine anyone allowing themselves to be treated as you are.

It sounds like a blessing in disguise they have extended the probation it means you only have two give a weeks notice (which tbh I would have given after about a week of starting!) and you can deduct the holiday owing so you might not actually have to work for them ever again!

Really important that you email back because otherwise they could rhyme you accepted by default.
Note that you do not agree to rolling over the probation. That as per the terms of your contract both parties now need to give x amount of notice in writing.

Then either tender your resignation or request a meeting.

They are massively taking the piss.

Right, apparently we've got a lunch meet tomorrow now (provided she doesn't cancel but she's already said she's dealing with VERY IMPORTANT CLIENTS all day so maybe laying the groundwork)

Seriously, I would leave. These people have already demonstrated that their expectations are completely unrealistic, that they don't value your contributions, that they have no interest in doing things properly and that they are trying to be cheap and squeeze three jobs out of one person's time .

I'd be going tomorrow and giving notice - and for the reason I would tell them exactly why. Clearly you aren't meeting their expectations, so they need to go and find someone else who can do everything that you are. They are going to struggle.

I think they want to keep you on for just a bit longer but are trying to extend your probation so they don't have to give you so much notice when they decide to let you go - I would give notice in your shoes. As others have said they are taking advantage big time and are too tight to pay 2 or 3 people that they realistically need for the amount of work there is to do and the standard they're expecting.

Stop giving them chances to treat you like dirt and dick you around. They are tightfisted twats.

Who is more important than the person they trust to look after their child?

I agree with previous poster and other advice given.
I used to be a nanny and the parents sound simular to yours. Unappreciative, expected me to fall into place with last minute plans without a thank you, selfish, never cared about me as a human being just as a robot to meet their needs. It didn't get better. I think they felt they were above me and whilst I loved the children, I knew I wasn't being treated properly and left.

Some of their complaints e.g. method of loading dishwasher, use of cling film are matters of personal preference, not disciplinary matters. They can't keep extending your probation until you do every single thing their way, it's completely unreasonable.

Do you have any insurance with legal cover? Some of them cover employment issues and you might be able to get advice from a legal standpoint. Your contract does not appear to include provision for extension of the probation period.

In any event I'd tell them where to put their ridiculous demands asap, you will never please these people.

They sound like rich entitled twats.

Leave your phone open at this post and be prepared to leave.

No one should be treated like that - modern slavery

Expatinscotland As I mentioned before, I used to be a nanny and have had bosses who didn't treat me as important or valued. I was just a robot to them it seemed and I never got why how they could have so much indifference towards the person looking after their child. I still don't. People just don't value their child carers, not the case for everyone but there are people like mine and OP's bosses who certainly don't deserve the help they get.

I don't know how you could bear to deal with such a pair of complete dickheads. Are you looking for another job? Will you need time of during your notice week to attend interviews? Please don't stay.

In some ways this gives you the opportunity to get your response perfect before you send it rather than trying to deal with them in a meeting.
Absolutely quite their own contract back at them and tell them what you want and need because they don't sound like they consider you at all.

Sorry that was meant to be clearer that if you email your response to them!

"“That doesn’t work for me. I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to be raising performance issues at the end of the three months when review meetings have been consistently cancelled. I’m not willing to agree to an extension at such short notice”"

Agree with this.

OP, I remember your last post. This is not a job worth keeping. Just what are they playing at? They don't like the job you are doing, but are not offering any changes to improve things? Better working conditions? More training? Dare I say it - adjusting their own expectations?

No. They are simply stalling. I ask again: what exactly do they want?

Wow OP these two do not deserve to have you. I bet when you work out your total hours you have worked for less than the minimum working wage with far more stress attached to it.
Please find the courage to leave them. You will find a lot better employment than working for these two idiots.

I would stipulate that you have areas of concern and matters to discuss and you must definitely meet with her this week and if it's out of work time you're happy to start later if that helps!

They are taking the piss!

These people are trying to offload all of their responsibilities onto your shoulders and it is not acceptable.they want you to do alone what the two of them cannot manage together.
Write a timetable of your day ,with an example of both in and out of school holidays.
Then sit down and ask yourself what you want,if you are prepared to stay then agree realistic terms.they should get the cleaner to work longer and a p/t p.a. for school holidays etc.
They have no right to run you ragged like this.
If you feel comfortable staying make sure you have a contract which you are completely happy is manageable and stick to it,don't let them lean on you,at the end of the day it is their,business,they are their children and it is their home,i.e.their responsibilities.
Good luck and stay strong 🌻🌻

Are you involved with any other local nannies? If so I would start asking now if they know of any jobs going.

I'm really astonished to hear of someone asking their nanny to manage their rental properties for them, let alone doing cleaning. That's not your job, surely? If they want you to manage their properties, they pay you extra for that. I'd advise you to ask for 12% of the month's rent for any month you've done that kind of work for them - that's what a lettings agent would charge, plus they wouldn't give your employers the flexibility of just doing it for a month.

I think in your shoes, I'd stay on for the extra 3 months and use that time to job hunt if that's feasible. If it won't be, then leave now. These people sound like cheeky fuckers of the highest order. Someone else will appreciate you, I'm sure.

They want you to be on probation forever so they can use the threat of "sacked with no notice" to keep you working like a skivvy.

You sound amazing and you are not being paid enough for this crap. They should be meeting you to give you a pay rise and a pony.
Give notice.