To ask for your help on how to stand up for myself later?

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Hi,

Ok so I've deliberately chosen AIBU as I need non-minced words

In August I took on a sort of nanny/family PA/housekeeper type role. The parents seemed laid back, lovely....with reasonable expectations.

I'm clearly a crap judge of character. Although the kid I look after is indeed brilliant, no complaints there.

I had a three month probationary period. Due to end last Friday. They've just informed me they'd like to extend it for another three months (i.e. they could still get rid of me with a week's notice and I have no comeback for unfair dismissal etc)

Because, although I'm apparently a fantastic nanny, (way to treat a fantastic nanny ) I haven't met their expectations in the other departments. They are still stressed on the weekend apparently and finding themselves having to do housework....

They also have a cleaner for 12 hours a week, I put laundry on once a day and the cleaner does it too, loads of other stuff gets taken and picked up from the dry cleaner by me.

I seriously am at a loss to know where this extra work and stres is coming from.

They own about five properties across the city and in the time I've been working for them, two sets of tenants have served notice. That meant advertising for more, finding more, organising viewings, vetting, moving the previous tenants out, organising cleaners, handymen.... I worked two Saturdays to get all this done. So while all this has been going on I'm also expected to keep the house ship shape, do the school run in the afternoon, ferry to after school club, oversee homework, make dinner, get ready for bed....then there's all their other PA stuff like booking flights, theatre tickets, paying for parking tickets, inputting all the expenses in spreadsheets, ordering groceries....

The dad especially is a bit military in his approach to cleanliness and often pulls me up on things like side not polished, dishwasher not switched on/loaded correctly...I used cling film in the fridge which is a big no as apparently we'll all get cancer...

I can't do all this and meet every single need perfectly. Added to this in the school holidays I'm 'just' supposed to be a full time nanny and keep a six year old stimulated (no screen time allowed ever) all day.... so you can imagine how much all the other stuff goes to pot during those times.

Meant to have weekly meetings with the mum- she's never found the time.

So after her just telling me I'm supposed to just continue on probation until they can 'define the role' I have asked for a meeting to discuss, because I do not think I'm being treated very fairly. It's apparently goung to take place at 5pm.

I need to be firm, assertive and not take any shit. Or should I just jack it in (I am very tempted right now to just jack it in but it would seem Ike quitting, I don't have another job lined up obviously but would be fine money wise for a little while as we are staying with a family member and paying nominal rent while we save)

I think I'd remind her, if you're not happy with the outcome tomorrow, that extending your probation means YOU can quit with a week's notice too.

Do you get holidays?

I’d definitely prepare to leave as it sounds like they’ll just mess you around further. You deserve much better treatment especially as you’re looking after their kids!

Omg OP you poor thing

I agree with PP who said you need to be prepared with a list of duties and time allocated, laying it all out will make it obvious that they are expecting too much.

I would also be making it very clear to them how much you enjoy looking after their DS and how well you have bonded with him.

I would double check that extending the probationary period means you can also leave with 1 weeks notice, and I would clarify that they would be willing to give a reference if asked.

I would then update your cv and start looking for another job ASAP.

Also, if she can't be bothered meeting with you and news if extending your probationary period was delivered by email....They are shit employers and don't deserve you.

We did have a meeting once, about six weeks ago...conducted in her car on the way to a football match my charge was in.... I was supposed to talk through all the stuff I wanted to bring up, take notes on the stuff she wanted me to remember/do differently, and map read as we weren't sure where to go. I sent us the wrong way over a flyover (I can't drive, I didn't find it easy to navigate) so we both arrived stressed and without having achieved a lot, but that remained in the week's summary as 'meeting achieved'

That's rubbish pay! I'd expect a straightforward nanny to take home at least £10 per hour after tax if you're in the south east - probably more in London - and assuming state terms you're only earning £10.33 max (I'm guessing the kid is in private school so my sums won't be right and your hourly rate will be lower).

You've had great advice above, but don't undervalue yourself.

What everyone else said. Take no prisoners. I like RunRabbit's excellent advice if pointing out that as you have had no follow up or feedback on improvements to make, you were expecting to pass your probation and do not feel you can continue to work for them as effective communication is obviously an issue for them.

Be prepared to discuss how they could facilitate you staying on ... not how you can facilitate them better!

Fight fire with fire. People like this understand hard-nosed tactics and that is the only way to get them to play even reasonably fair if you did want to stay.

But I along with the rest of MN would quit if I were you. Plenty of other lovely children out there in London who need a good nanny like you.

Seriously I'd tell them to stick their job and leave them in the lurch . They repeatedly cancel because they know you will accept it ! Just walk op as they are treating you appallingly

They are cheeky fuckers...

So you're a nanny and all that entails..

It appears:
You're also expected to take responsibility for cleaning...

And property managing 5 properties...

The extra time you answer mails and the Saturdays you did seeing out tenants... Were you paid for this??
So assertiveness...

Do not make them make you feel shit... Say up front you believe you've exceeded your role. They need to employ extra staff,

What I would do (write this down) ...

In advance of your meeting spend 25 mins writing down what you've done perhaps over the last week...
Like this...
Bullet pointed list...
Eg
Monday - got kids up and bathed, breakfasted them.
Took them to school. Dealt with school events. Spoke to teacher re Tabitha. Took car for Mot. Prepared food for their tea.

Total. 3 hours.

++Dealt with lots of mails to do with property 3...
++Spoke to numerous buildings companies re property 4.
2 hours.

++Saw the present tenants out of property 3.
++dealt with paperwork from this. Balanced the final books...
This took 3hours total...

++Collected kids... Did homework and played games. Bought food and prepared tea. Put them to bed with a story.
4 hours.

I worked 15 hours Monday... With no break. All of these tasks were essential. I was paid for 6 hours of this.

Do the same for each day.

It is important that you have some email trail....including any evidence you provide...

So if they get shitty.. You'll have a record, so will be. Fresh in your memory of future employers ask about it... (eg if pushed 'they didn't need a nanny. They needed another 2 people to deal with their needs)

Personally I would except the probationary period extension....work like hell to find another job then give them a weeks' notice. Play these exploitative bastards at their own game.

If you push for and get proper employment with a months notice, they will make your life hell and work you like a dog with the threat of giving you a bad reference. If you're in London, hook up with an agency or advertise on one of those nanny finder websites, you'll have work before the month's out.

PS I would also have my resignation typed up in my pocket... Giving them a week's notice....(include that you're leaving as the role far exceeds the hours you're paid for and they expect you to do work for further 2 staff)

If they start turning shitty-place it on table

I suspect you're right.... Run you ragged up to Christmas and then decide you're fired in New year
They won't want you to leave now!! Probably difficult to get anyone else this close to yule

Actually they may be doing you a favour, not being tied into a more permanent contract with these difficult and demanding employers may be a good thing.

I would 100% terminate them as employers tomorrow. They are exploiting you and treating you like shit. Use the excellent resignation letter posted here already where you offer to help them with writing up job descriptions to cover the many and varied tasks you have been performing for them and then go get yourself a pure nanny role where you are appreciated.

They are such wankers. Fire their cheeky asses!

I’m with the PPs. Jump before you’re pushed. I haven’t read your other post but they sound bloody awful

Tell them that they have, sadly, failed in their probation period and will not be keeping them on as employers..........Thank them for the experience in managing so many different roles but you are not interested in being a Maid-of-all-work, but a Nanny......

This her?!

Leave leave leave!!!!

The job sounds awful. You could get an Executive Assistant job in the City that would be much less stress, and higher paid than that!

YANBU. They are royally taking the piss. Good luck tomorrow.

Good Luck tomorrow. I just had a thought - would you happily rely on them for a reference even if you left on good terms? They sound like it absolutely wouldn’t be a priority for them & if the dad thinks you are not doing a good enough job then that might be reflected in any reference he gave. It obviously wouldn’t be true but he seems like the type.

Good luck. They are massively taking the piss!

“Family manager” is one thing but expecting you to manage 5 rental properties is not managing a family it’s being a property manager! A job in itself. They are too tight to pay a proper manager.

Also I find it concerning that you comment about the Dad’d bad temper. In a professional relationship there is simply no place for temper/ displays of anger. It would not be acceptable in an office and should not be acceptable simply because you work in his home.

You should move on.

Good luck with the meeting.

Thanks....she hasn't cancelled yet so that's positive! I'm armed with a timetable of all the things I did on Monday as it was a good example of a really busy day, and a letter of resignation if it comes to it. Will just have to go and join agencies pronto and hope for the best. We're meant to be saving for a deposit and a wedding so this really wasn't part of the plan... I can't work like this though, just feeling crap every day.

If you’re a nanny in indon I dont think you will be out of work long.

Good luck. I’d be tendering my resignation regardless I think, but do whatever you feel is best for you.