To ask for your help on how to stand up for myself later?

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Hi,

Ok so I've deliberately chosen AIBU as I need non-minced words

In August I took on a sort of nanny/family PA/housekeeper type role. The parents seemed laid back, lovely....with reasonable expectations.

I'm clearly a crap judge of character. Although the kid I look after is indeed brilliant, no complaints there.

I had a three month probationary period. Due to end last Friday. They've just informed me they'd like to extend it for another three months (i.e. they could still get rid of me with a week's notice and I have no comeback for unfair dismissal etc)

Because, although I'm apparently a fantastic nanny, (way to treat a fantastic nanny ) I haven't met their expectations in the other departments. They are still stressed on the weekend apparently and finding themselves having to do housework....

They also have a cleaner for 12 hours a week, I put laundry on once a day and the cleaner does it too, loads of other stuff gets taken and picked up from the dry cleaner by me.

I seriously am at a loss to know where this extra work and stres is coming from.

They own about five properties across the city and in the time I've been working for them, two sets of tenants have served notice. That meant advertising for more, finding more, organising viewings, vetting, moving the previous tenants out, organising cleaners, handymen.... I worked two Saturdays to get all this done. So while all this has been going on I'm also expected to keep the house ship shape, do the school run in the afternoon, ferry to after school club, oversee homework, make dinner, get ready for bed....then there's all their other PA stuff like booking flights, theatre tickets, paying for parking tickets, inputting all the expenses in spreadsheets, ordering groceries....

The dad especially is a bit military in his approach to cleanliness and often pulls me up on things like side not polished, dishwasher not switched on/loaded correctly...I used cling film in the fridge which is a big no as apparently we'll all get cancer...

I can't do all this and meet every single need perfectly. Added to this in the school holidays I'm 'just' supposed to be a full time nanny and keep a six year old stimulated (no screen time allowed ever) all day.... so you can imagine how much all the other stuff goes to pot during those times.

Meant to have weekly meetings with the mum- she's never found the time.

So after her just telling me I'm supposed to just continue on probation until they can 'define the role' I have asked for a meeting to discuss, because I do not think I'm being treated very fairly. It's apparently goung to take place at 5pm.

I need to be firm, assertive and not take any shit. Or should I just jack it in (I am very tempted right now to just jack it in but it would seem Ike quitting, I don't have another job lined up obviously but would be fine money wise for a little while as we are staying with a family member and paying nominal rent while we save)

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

I can't believe you are doing that for £26k. You should be getting double. At least.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

The job wasn't actually advertised as a straight-up nanny, I think the title was'famy manager' do I did know there'd be other bits involved but I still thought nanny would be the main focus.

They are assuming I will stay for now as it's easier for them- but I don't doubt I'll never be up to scratch in their eyes and every mistake will be logged so they can get rid of me with minimal notice. I had already had doubts I could work fir soneibe like the Dad. He has a short temper, impossible standards and it makes me nervous!

[DarthMaiden]

They are behaving very badly as employers.

I think you’ve had some good advice- especially from @EdmundCleverClogs.

Personally I think they are taking the piss and have no idea about the work you are doing and as such you will never meet their standards - nor will anyone else.

Depending on your circumstances I’d simply use the probationary period to your advantage and email back along the lines that you have done a job way in excess of their original requirements (give examples) and that it’s not sustainable.

As such, given they want to extend the PP, you give them one weeks notice as despite a number of attempts to discuss this in person they have been unable to prioritise such a conversation.

In other words, call their bluff. If they don’t have time to meet you, they damn well don’t have time to find another (underpaid) nanny/cleaner/PA.

£26k for what your doing is extremely low paid....

[somethingDifferent38]

I agree with everyone who suggests you leave. Also, the fact that you're in the probationary period means you can leave with a weeks notice (go look for another job, now!). Be wary of pushing them to end it, as you'll then have to work out a months notice or break your contract...if you want to go (and it sounds like you should get out), I wouldn't insist on ending the probation.

[expatinscotland]

They are massively taking advantage of you. He's a twat who borders on abusive. She's a snobby twat who probably doesn't even see you as a real human being. All they will do is drag you down and then sack you off. Beat them to the punch. Serve 'em notice and don't feel bad about leaving them high and dry. They can look after their own kids for the holidays and wonder why no one stays with them. It will be easy enough for you to pick up another job because you didn't waste a lot of time with these douchebags.

[RhythmStix]

They sounds awful OP - I really hope you find the strength to tell them what's what (it's so hard though).

Keep us posted as well please.

[Loraline]

I was about to say the same thing as @somethingDifferent38. Extending the 'trial period' (it's not a probation in your contract) might be good for you as you can still quit with a week's notice instead of 4. I wouldn't give that up so easily right now

[timeisnotaline]

I don't think you can rely on a reference unfortunately :(

[GlitterGlue]

Find another job. Seriously, you will never meet their expectations, because they don't quite know what they want.

[DarthMaiden]

Expat makes a good point - the longer you stay with them the more important they become in your employment profile.

Given their behaviour I think getting out now is a good strategy. It’s much easier to explain a position that didn’t work out over less than 3 months than one you stayed for over a year in.

They don’t value you - at all. That won’t change.

Resign and move on.

[mussinboots]

Hand in your notice. They’re doucheheads and will never change. This isn’t about you- it’s about their power trip over you. Leave. They won’t know what’s hit them and will sh*t themselves.

[mrsmalcolmreynolds]

OP I strongly suggest you email now to formally inform them you don't agree to extending the trial period. If you let it drift they will continue to avoid dealing with you face to face and keep trying to gaslight you into thinking you are the problem. You know that talk of a meeting tomorrow lunchtime is next to worthless.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

I would reply to her to say

"I look forward to our review meeting tomorrow lunch time. I am of course disappointed that you cancelled the original meeting this evening. Will you please confirm that you will be attending as planned tomorrow?

[justabouthangingintheretoday]

Lots of good advice here OP. Def set out a schedule showing the nanny work you are doing and the remaining hours in the day left for you to do the rest. It sounds an utterly ridiculous workload and yes you are doing too many jobs. When you are nannying - are they happy for your charge to be involved in household tasks at all?If not, I really don't see how you are expected to get it all done. I certainly don't manage to achieve all that I need to do in a day with the hours you have been given - thinking the equivalent of household cleaning, laundry, tea, homework ... all house admin (just for us, not extra properties!) and work part time too. Shame your charge is so lovely ...

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

BUT if she doesn't accept it, then she'll have to give four weeks' notice. I think they'd make things very uncomfortable for you - the less notice you have to give the better.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I certainly don't want to be around the husband for longer than I have to especially, there'd defiantly be talks out how disapointed he was in my that I didn't try harder, wasn't committed or invested etc etc. I genuinely will really miss the kid though.

Some great advice thanks. I am writing a timetable of my day yesterday- even I'm looking at it and thinking how on earth can it not be good enough

[ItsNachoCheese]

You deserve much better than these 2 eejits and their shoddy treatment of you

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Ah sorry for appalling illegible writing, am standing up on the train!

He's just the kind of bloke who you definitely know that you're 'on the wrong side' of, IYSWIM.

And you're totally right expat, they're going to drag my self esteem/belief in my ability to do a good job right down the pan.

[expatinscotland]

They'll drag you down AND it will be harder to explain a gap in your CV the longer you stay there. The bloke is a bully.

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

Write your one week notice and hand it in at the meeting after they waffle on about extending the probationary period.
You sound like you do way too much for them when the job said Nanny mainly. How can you possible entertain a 6 year old all day when you have all these other things to do. They sound like complete idiots who don't appreciate what you do. Move on to a nice normal Nanny job.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Definitely have your resignation letter in your bag and in your email drafts.

If she doesn't show tomorrow or still demands to extend your probation, give her your 7 days notice right there and then.

In the letter, say something along the lines of

"The probationary period has shown that while you originally employed me as a "family manager" you are actually in need of property manager and a nanny who is willing to take on some housekeeping. I am therefore giving you my seven day notice that I am leaving your employment. My last day will be .

I have enjoyed the extra responsibility in particular overseeing repairs of your rental properties and managing the changeover process when two sets of your tenants served notice. That meant advertising for more, finding more, organising viewings, vetting, moving the previous tenants out, organising cleaners, handymen etc.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Absolutely do not extend your probation. No matter what they say.

You could agree to stay another 3-4 weeks while they find a replacement and you find a new role too but I'd be very clear on the exact end date, there's no notice on either side in that time and you will require an extra 20% for the inconvenience. You were expecting to pass your probation so you hadn't planned for a new job search. If they say you are leaving them in the lurch then point out that they must have known for some time if they intended to make such a significant move as to not sign off your probation and surely they expected you to resign if that happened.

Email and physical letter. Handy for proof later to an agency if they are tits.

[somethingDifferent38]

I wish you luck in finding suitable replacements and would be happy to help you draft suitable job descriptions before I leave.
I like this, help them with seeking the TWO new people they need, to replace you

[niccyb]

They sound like they would find fault in anything and everything. I would quit and get ahead.

[Fluffymonkey]

They sound like utter cunts. Get out of there!