To ask you to send me money so I can....

[brasty]

buy an enormous field and outbuilding to house a herd of capybaras?

So far I have about £12.32 pledged plus a lot of nectar and boots points. Wondering how much a capabaya costs, and if you can use nectar points towards one.

Oh, I've met some Valais Blacknose sheep including a lamb. They are adorable and actively enjoy being scritched and fussed. They're like big teddy bears.

Hopping, his ears are biggish and they’ll carry on growing; not sure of their texture. As for other donkey-like attributes, did you have anything in particular in mind? I could ask him....

Chester zoo have baby capybaras at the moment. Cuteness overload.

brasty look on Amazon, you can get anything there. A year or three ago, I found i could hire a herd of goats through them.

OKAPI! OKAPI!! OKAPI!!!

Ahem.

May we have an okapi please?

This one would be ideal. He loves me, I can see it. Go on. Okaaaaaaaaaaaapi.

They remind me of brown moomins walking on all fours.

You're right! I hadn't noticed until you pointed it out but they are definitely Moomin-ey! I love the Moomins (and Little My is my style icon) so I was coming to live with them whether you wanted me to or not, until I saw you were putting monkeys in.

I'm sorry but I loathe monkeys with a passion - I don't care how cute they are, or how "Aaaah-Look-at-their-little-hands" or anything else, they are bitey disease-ridden parasites and should stay in the jungle where they belong.

In fact, I am cancelling the cheque for that £2.79 I sent you.

Everything else - YES!

Monkeys - NONONONONONONONO!

Oh no! Without that cheque for £2,79, the whole enterprise is in danger. I will evict the monkeys.

If you’re ever in Cork, make sure you visit Fota wildlife park, they have capybara and mara (smaller, slightly uglier capybara type things) wandering about loose. You have to be careful not to stand in their poo.

Koalas?

Ehem! Laydees an gennlemen. Roll up, roll up! You wants a capybara, but woe is you, they are huge and not suited to a terrace house in Salford, so for only thirty five of your engerlish paaands, I give you-miniature capybaras! (Note-any resemblance to Guinea pigs is totally accidental. Nope, they aren't GPs no no no)

brasty you can have my £3 remaining on my costa gift card to save the monkeys.

And if mini baras (copyright OFWIT) aren't your thing, well everyone loves hippos, so what better than your own mini hippo? (Warning-not really hippos, don't send them swimming, may actually be naked GPs)

Tapirs rule. And pangolins who are amazing...you can have my £5 sports direct gift card if you agree to admit smiley, snorkelling tapirs and amazing armoured pangolins...

Has anyone mentioned wallabies yet? I have a partially completed McDonald’s coffee card you can have if we get wallabies. I'll also throw in whatever Euros I come home with after a business trip to Euroland later this week.

Quick google suggests that you need about $1200 for a capybara. It might be cheaper to move to Doncaster where they have quite a few at the Wildlife Park.

Just found £20 crumpled up in MrHardy’s work jeans - shall send it over.

Very good cause x

Happy to contribute though, I have a couple of the old £1 coins that need to go to the bank.

I was going to uncancel my cancellation on my cheque when you ditched the foul, bitey, poo-tossing but now Witches is gazumping me with a massive THREE QUID! It is on a Costa Coffee voucher so there is an argument that people would rather drink piss, but even so, I realise that you may not be able to afford to turn it down.

Where do you stand on lorises? (www.eprc.asia/our-animals/lorises/)

• foul, bitey, poo-tossing (the word "monkeys" should follow this short description)

I’ll come and do your ironing when you get sloths x

I was going to buy some capybaras to snuggle up to my herd of guinea-pigs (I love their smug little faces ) but they need to have water so they'd swim then hoist their damp carcasses into my piggies' hay and make it all soggy and inedible. The babies are really cute though....

If you fancy some non-run-of-the-mill guinea pigs, there's "Cuy" which are bred to be eaten, huge , massive paws with extra claws and a temper.
There's a few sellers who add "Read up on this breed/ not for novice keepers" which puts me right off them.

Rather than give my dd some money for toast at school tomorrow , I will send 20p.

Quite right shhh. If you feed kids every day, they come to expect it. rod for your own back, believe you me