To NOT want to give neices vouchers AGAIN for christmas?

[MomtoOneMarvelousBubba]

I love christmas and the present buying and sharing. I enjoy thinking of the person im treating and working out what gift would put a smile on their face espescially if theyre a child.
My dps neices are 13 and 11 respectively. For the last two/three years we have been told by their mum they just want vouchers or even worse, cold hard cash!.

Now im in my early thirties and still to this day remember how pleasing it was to find out if i got the big present i wanted and what other fun stuff i had been gifted each chrimbo.

Am i being selfish to want to buy these Children actual presents - things they can unwrap - rather than just give them vouchers for brands that they shouldnt even be looking at anyway? Think Victorias secrets Pink

I don't mind giving vouchers or cash, but if you do just say you would rather give them something and ask for some ideas. If you don't get ideas from them just choose something.

Take them shopping if you live nearby and get them to point out things they like but don’t buy it on the trip gift it later

I think it is better to give vouchers or cash than something they don't want but I think a conversation with them might be productive. Has your sister asked them what they want or is she just making an assumption? At their age, i think you can ask them directly.

Plus vouchers don't have to be for stuff. Cinemas do some good packages as well as other entertainment places.

We're always asked for cash. And now sil has decided that adults aren't exchanging gifts for Christmas or birthdays.

Dnephew has just turned 21, I'm thinking that counts as an adult??? (Sorry, totally off topic).

I (and my kids) would rather get cash that we can put towards a more expensive item than an item we don't want or need just so someone can feel good! Especially now we're all older & the things we want cost a bomb!

Why would you buy your nieces things YOU want them to have rather than what they would like?
Gift giving should be about the recipient. Not the giver.
And as for "brands they shouldn't even be looking at"? Not your kids. Not your call.

I think at their ages they will love Victoria's Secret Pink stuff. Go for it!

If you know where they like buying clothes you could always have a look for something you think they would like, but include a gift receipt in an envelope? This is what I always do for DN. It's a bit more thoughtful than a voucher, but not wasteful if it's not to their taste. (Completely separate post, but I have a relative who cuts labels out of clothes before she wraps them so you can't take them back, which drives me nuts).

I don't know why people persist in this power trip every Christmas/Birthday/Easter.

Either (a) buy them what you think they might like, which will undoubtedly be consigned to the charity shop in the new year
OR
(b) let them have the money to put to something they actually like and want.

Its not rude or grabby - you have already asked what they want and they have told you. Its not as if they are arriving with swagger and saying "yo!! Aunt Buba, splosh the dosh"

I always liked cash when I was a teenager

By time I was 11 I knew what clothes, make up, music etc I liked and preferred vouchers/money so mum and dad could take me shopping Boxing Day and let me buy what I like.

I can still remember the disappointment of having to have wrapped up presents from certain people becuase “they liked giving wrapped gifts” of course I was never rude when I opened it my parents taught me how to hide ones disappoint well but the gift never got used so it was a waste really.

My dc are only babies but my nephew is 13 and I talk to him and he either tells me the thing he wants (the item & what brand/shop etc) or he asks for money to save towards a bigger item

As for saying they shouldn’t be looking a Pink Victoria secret stuff, well I’ve just looked it up as I didn’t know what is was and it looks to me a very much teen brand. So don’t really know why you think they shouldn’t be looking at it

Did you ask or were you just told? I think anyone who tells you only money will do or vouchers deserves to end gift giving. Just stop. Say, 'Dh and I have sadly decided that circumstances mean we can no longer extend to exchanging gifts for Christmas.' And then don't.

You say you want to buy something that will put a smile on their faces, and then in the next paragraph, start insulting the things they like.

Which is it? You want them to have something that will make them happy or you want them to have what you want to give them?

13 and 11 are tricky ages-good presents for this age cost a fair bit of money. It makes sense to me to give them a voucher for a shop you know they'll be able to get something they like and you can't afford to buy.

What kind of gifts were you planning to buy for them?

It is pretty clear from your post that you don’t know what these girls want and the things you do know they like you don’t approve of.
Why give the wrong gift when they would be happy with some cash in a Christmas card?

I ask aunties/uncles to give vouchers or something specific DD has requested. This is precisely because otherwise they buy gigantic cheap tatt that ive absolutely not got the space for.

Cheap tatt I've no problem with really if DD loves it.

GIGANTIC cheap tatt I absolutely do have a problem with.

Maybe you just have a habit of buying them crap and this is a more polite way of trying to get you to stop?

Also, have you looked at VS pink? I admit I hadn't until now but it looks perfectly suitable for young teens. In fact it's given me some ideas for various nieces for Christmas.

Just give them a fiver each and be done with it.

You're right - the dictating is miserable so don't bankrupt yourself.

I think this is where Amazon gift list is fantastic. All of my nieces and nephews on dhs side (2-18) have a wish list that we have access to. We then pick things from the list. As they live at the opposite end of the cup try we also often get it gift wrapped and sent to them if we know we won't be seeing them until after birthday/Christmas. My dc also have one, it would be great if my family would also look at it butbthey prefer to do surprises.

I would have no problem giving vouchers, I want the people I buy for to enjoy what I get them.

Meh I don't hold with the idea its ALL about the recipient. 11 and 13 is old enough to understand that people get pleasure from giving. I might have just wanted money at that age, but understood that my relatives got pleasure from seeing me open things they had bought, so I would suggest things I'd like if asked.

That said, for that to work you do actually have to take the suggestions on board, rather than judging them.

I think i must be a stuck-in-the-mud prude! I honestly looked at this Pink -which says its a brand for college girls- and thought it was too mature.

Sloe Re it being a powerplay its not that i just feel there's something quite soulless in just handing money over. Wolfie We actually asked their mom what they wanted for christmas (maybe thats our mistake) so its not a case of wanting to force things on them.

I guess im being a bit sentimental...

11 and 13 is old enough to understand that people get pleasure from giving

😂 so I’ve got you a present you don’t like and won’t use but hey I got pleasure from giving it to you so bloody welll be grateful. if you want to waste money I suppose that’s one way of looking at it

Am i being selfish to want to buy these Children actual presents - things they can unwrap - rather than just give them vouchers

Yes. Their mother has told you what they want.

Don’t make their Christmas about you.