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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH spending a lot of time with his ex's family

88 replies

Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:10

I don't know if I'm just being an insecure idiot or if this is a bit weird.
My OH spends a lot of time with his ex's family (mainly the dad as they got along really well). He has been for Sunday lunch with them today and she was there too. She's with someone else now and my OH said he's just friends with her and doesn't look at her in that way anymore (they were childhood sweethearts and dated throughout uni too. I think he really loved her but she split up with him).
I can't remember the last time he spent time with my family!
He also went to a music festival with them all for a weekend over the summer.
Is this a bit weird or does it sound like I'm just being a bit jealous?

OP posts:
MrsPicklesonSmythe · 12/11/2017 20:12

No it's not you. It's a bit weird. If he has a family of his own outside of this set up (if he's almost grown up with them) then I would think there's a reason he's hanging around instead of cutting ties.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/11/2017 20:12

I wouldn't like it personally. I actually wouldn't mind him spending time with ex's dad but family Sunday lunch with the ex there just seems a bit cosy or something

Oddmanout · 12/11/2017 20:13

I was going to say YABU until you mentioned the weekend away with them all - was she there?! Was her new partner?!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 12/11/2017 20:15

Do they have any children together?

If so, I sort of understand the united front. If not, no, it’s all rather odd!

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:15

Yes she was there and her partner wasn't. He was away on a stag do. I'm quite an insecure person anyway (trying to work on that) but it all seems far too cosy to me. They have been broken up for a few years now but I'm convinced he would never have wanted it to end if she hadn't broken up with him

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 12/11/2017 20:15

If they were childhood sweethearts then he has obviously spent a great deal of time with them. Why should he cease to see them when the split was amicable from the sounds of things.

CakesRUs · 12/11/2017 20:15

If it’s so friendly and a big part of his life, couldn’t you go to the music festival too?

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:16

No he doesn't have any kids with me or anyone else

OP posts:
Hellomaryimback · 12/11/2017 20:16

Yeah that's weird. He still has attachments emotionally to them.

Hanuman · 12/11/2017 20:17

It sounds quite sweet to me! Have you met them?

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:17

I'm not saying he has to cease contact with them. I have no issues with him being close with the Dad as they got along like a house on fire. I also don't particularly mind him being friendly with the ex either. But going away to festivals and out for dinners just him, his ex and her parents seems a bit too cosy to me

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 12/11/2017 20:17

Is he close with his own parents? Does he see hers as surrogates? Doing things with full family including her does suggest he’s pining..

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 12/11/2017 20:18

He isn't over her at all is he?

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:18

Nope never met any of them but seen photos

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 12/11/2017 20:18

YANBU. When I first met my now DH, he still used to see his ex-FIL quite frequently, which didn't bother me in the slightest. However, if his ex-wife was there, I definitely would not have been fine with it!

I just don't like the idea of a current partner having unnecessary contact with his ex. Where children are involved, that's fair enough, but otherwise, exes should remain in the past. IMO.

Nikephorus · 12/11/2017 20:19

Well if they split up years ago & she has someone else I can't see the problem. Surely it's a good sign that he's not so fickle that he dumps people from his life as soon as a relationship is over? He gets on well with all them - great, sounds like a decent bloke.

PossibiliTea · 12/11/2017 20:20

It definitely doesn’t sound like you are jealous I personally would find this weird, not sure how comfortable I would be with it.

Nikephorus · 12/11/2017 20:20

I just don't like the idea of a current partner having unnecessary contact with his ex. Where children are involved, that's fair enough, but otherwise, exes should remain in the past. IMO.
I disagree - I like to stay friends with exs. Once you've mentally moved on you can still have a really good friendship. Why give up a good friend just because you once slept with them?

Nanny0gg · 12/11/2017 20:21

So why isn't the OP invited too?

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:21

@Nike yeah I guess so. I do think I am being a bit jealous about it all as he doesn't seem interested in spending time with my family, and I hate imagining him having a blast with his ex and her family instead. Guess I'll just have to accept it if I want to stay with him

OP posts:
SwimmingInLemonade · 12/11/2017 20:21

It's quite odd. I get that people form emotional attachements but normally part of breaking up wth someone is that.... you don't get to carry on spending time with their family! Good for them if they're all on good terms, but what would happen if you went along too? Would that be weird for them because they'd have to acknowledge that you're his new partner? If that WOULD be weird for them it's a big red flag. If they'd all be fine with that it;s less weird. (But then again, you might not fancy spending your weekends with your OH's ex-PIL....)

Thetruthfairy · 12/11/2017 20:22

I wouldn't like it- I think I would feel the same as you.
The family has obviously been a big part of his life for many years, so I wouldn't expect him to cut contact. But it does all seem a bit cosy. Almost like the family are trying to get them back together...

PeppaPigOinkOink · 12/11/2017 20:22

Hi OP,

Trust your instincts here. He shouldn't be doing anything that makes you so uncomfortable. You're not being jealous and unreasonable, it doesn't sound healthy and I doubt many people would be happy those circumstances. Flowers

Original poster
Teddy7878 · 12/11/2017 20:23

@nanny he has invited me a couple of times but only when he knows I'm already busy. Like he said I could go to the dinner today but he knew fine well I was seeing a friend's new baby all day. I wasn't invited to the music festival which was camping for 3 nights

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 12/11/2017 20:24

My MIL is still in regular touch with BIL''s ex and they split up ages ago (10+ years). They got on really well when she was with BIL and neither of them saw why they should stop being friends just because she and BIL had gone separate ways. Makes sense to me.