To not want to clean up after step children?

[EmmaLou3422]

Now, I don’t mind the odd bit of tidying up after them, putting toys away, finding my extension leads and charger his son as borrowed and not put back, I know children are messy, but AIBU to be angry to be left with half eaten chocolate bars chucked about the house, wrappers put next to the bin instead of in it, Even found some hidden behind the microwave which is right next to the bin because they couldn’t be bothered to put it in the bin and being on my hands and knees trying to scrub the awful piss smell off the bathroom floor because his 13 year old son is incapable of aiming in the toilet? He gets up early every morning on weekends, before me. He could have a quick whip round. I don’t mind being left with the washing up or vacuuming, polishing that kind of stuff. But he went out and left me with everything this morning. It literally looked like squatters had been in. It was vile. When I walked in the kitchen I almost cried. We both work full time and I work longer hours than him, it’s not like I’m a stay at home Mum, I don’t even have kids yet (currently pregnant).

I don’t understand where some posters are coming from surely you’d think her DP was an arse if he made all that mess and then walked away but because it’s his kids it’s fine? He encouraged the kids to make the mess and didn’t ask them to clean or help him clean he just expected the op to do it?
Op it’s a massive red flag that he’s changed so much since you’ve been pregnant. Do you want your child to grow up thinking relationships like this are okay? Do you want to raise a child with this man?
Everything is intensified when you have children, I’d be running as far as I could honestly OP.

Well I'm sorry that some people with Ms Perfect motivated kid don't like me calling teenagers 'shitbags' or characterising them as lazy. I'm afraid this is not a stereotype I had the creativity to make up all by myself - in fact its inspired by many, many conversations I've had with other obviously imperfect parents with obviously imperfect kids. In so discussing the joys of multiple teenagers we developed something called a sense of humour to help us cope.

Here's a useful guide from another parent stereotyping kids (warning! not worth watching if you have perfect kids and a sense of humour bypass...). One in a series of instructional videos - this one explains how to hang up wet towels.

He also keeps bringing up my maternity leave as well and says he can’t wait to come home to a clean house every day and dinner waiting for him on the table

Wwwwhhhhhaaat! Unbelievable Good Lord.
You better put him straight about this right now. Looking after a baby is hard work... without his idiotic expectations.

Get him some parenting books sharpish.

I'm seeing why his Ex preferred other company.

I'd be off to stay elsewhere next time they come and tell your DH you arent coming home till the place is tidy.

If he doesnt get it tidied.... he's shown what your life will be like. You then can make an informed decision for your future.

Unfortunately pregnancy is often when domestic violence starts in a relationship (and remember, emotional abuse, put downs, making your partner feel crap etc. IS dv). The comments about expectations when you are on maternity leave ring huge warning bells for me. You know you need to deal with this now and it won’t be easy. Best of luck xx

Well given the sarcastic text from your DH he couldn't care less could he. Is he a Disney Dad? The dismissiveness of that reply. He doesn't want to listen to you, and you can't force him to. He's a grown man.

If you can bear to sit in mess, do that. Don't clean up after them. Then again I think it'll cause arguments as opposed to compelling him to tidy up and get his DCs to miraculously start being tidier too. It's about the only thing you can try though, it seems to me

Whose house is it? Can you afford to leave even if it's not forever?

Read wife work.

Look at the Duluth domestic abuse model I bet you recognise some of the examples.

Never give up your financial independence. Save as much as possible. Have an escape plan. Sadly I think you'll need it.

Your DP sounds vile. I'd be reading him the riot act and be making plans to leave. It would be interesting to know what his ex has to say about him.

you must work together on this with your partner - set up rules and if they are not followed through lay down consequences - we have slightly older kids and if things are not done they dont go out or we do the scariest thing - remove the phone!!!