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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 15:10

Next post and it’ll have changed to “he knocked to get her attention and was waving her over whilst windmilling his knob”

Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 15:10

While also drinking a beer and punching the wall

Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 15:11

Have you recently fertilised your garden OP? As i smell shit.

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 15:20

It’s always fun when the OP isn’t getting her own way or the response they thought so makes it more dramatic and suddenly adds details.

Eye roll emoji pleaseee

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 15:40

I haven't drip fed anything. I explained from the start that the neighbour spends his weekends in the garden drinking and swearing and that the first ever conversation I had with him was this weekend when he came at me aggressively shouting that I need to chop down my plants. Some people need to read the thread from the beginning.

I only just asked my daughter today why the man was waving at her, because other people on this thread were accusing her of being a perv and staring at his window. She said she didn't want to look at his window, but he knocked.

Believe whatever you want to believe, I don't care. You can believe that no man ever was a weird or perverted if you like. I know different because I live here.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 15:42

Who has said that no man has ever been perverted? Pepple are saying its normal to be naked in a bathroom!

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 15:44

No one has said no man is weird or perverted but you’re basically running a smear campaign against your neighbour because he was naked in his own home

ohreallyohreallyoh · 12/11/2017 15:44

Why is he not allowed to be naked in his own home?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 15:47

I completely agree it is normal to be naked in a bathroom. It's not normal to knock on a window and wave at a young child in their garden whilst naked.

It's also not normal to make the first conversation you have with a neighbour nasty, aggressive and demanding.

It's also not normal to worry about some plants on a wall when the rest of your house and garden is a pig tip.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 15:50

This is not a smear campaign. Mumsnet is anonymous.

I think I made everything very clear.

OP posts:
OooohHorlicks · 12/11/2017 15:57

OP, I think some on the thread might be being deliberately difficult. I suspect that if you offered any of them the opportunity to live next door to / opposite him (assuming that they've read your posts and understand his behaviour patterns) they'd politely decline.

Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 16:09

What if he knocked something against the window? He may not have actually knocked for her.
But this incident happened around 2 years or so ago?

HopefullyAnonymous · 12/11/2017 16:22

What chalk did your daughter use that lasts for a year?

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 16:39

Believe whatever you want to believe, I don't care. You can believe that no man ever was a weird or perverted if you like. I know different because I live here.

But you didn't think to ask your daughter for the full story at the time?

You say he's perverted but continued to live there and not contact the police when your child could be at risk?

Wow ... parent of the year award goes to you.

Not saying I'm a perfect parent but I know myself and that the vast majority of parents on here would at the very least contact the police if they thought their child was at risk from thr pervert at the bottom of the garden ffs.

HowDoYouWantToDoThis · 12/11/2017 16:43

If you'd posted about him with no mention of the writing then someone on here would have suggested it anyway and everyone would have said that's hilarious and what a great idea. Hmm

RebeccatheOld · 12/11/2017 16:43

I don't understand people saying OP should put blinds up. So she should never be able to look out the window because a man can't put some clothes on.

HE should not be walking around naked with the curtains open, particularly in front of children.

FFS.

CrochetBelle · 12/11/2017 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrochetBelle · 12/11/2017 16:49

Up *high. I have no idea who Hugh is.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SUGGESTING I KNOW THE NAME OF THIS NEIGHBOUR.

Foxysoxy01 · 12/11/2017 16:55

OP

I was in my kitchen about 6 months ago and a massive pigeon flew into the window. It was fine but made a hell of a noise.
It just so happened that the next door neighbour was walking into his shed at the time.
He turned and looked thinking I had literally punched the window at him, I had jumped and spun and was looking at where the noise had come from.
Obviously neighbour thought I was either in trouble getting his attention or just being very over enthusiastic about greeting him.

Looking at it from neighbours pow he clearly thought I was trying to get his attention and had deliberately knocked at him. Lucky I was in the kitchen and not naked in the bathroom at the time or his kids may have called me a dirty pervert.

Foxysoxy01 · 12/11/2017 16:56

"because a man can't put some clothes on."

In his own bathroom aswell the dirty pervert!

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 16:59

I imagine anyone who lives and can see Into your garden knows exactly who you are (if they use MN) considering your daughter has wrote something .. not that anonymous

LakieLady · 12/11/2017 17:30

HE should not be walking around naked with the curtains open, particularly in front of children

He wasn't "walking around naked" he was minding his own business, in his own bathroom, behind a frosted window, ffs.

Should we all draw our curtains every time we go for a piss when we happen to be naked, eg when having a lie-in, and turn the lights on, just in case someone nearby has a child who likes to gawp at neighbours' windows?

Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 17:34

I’m perplexed as to how you’re supposed to do some bathroom activities without being naked. Getting in the shower for example. Are we all dirty perverts for taking our clothes off to shower? Especially when there are children in a neighbouring property?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 17:40

So, some people think I'm being unreasonable and a terrible mum because a naked man waved at my daughter and I didn't immediately call the police.

Whereas other people think I'm being unreasonable to even notice he's naked, he should be able to walk around naked and that I shouldn't be looking at his window.

I thought my response was correct. We just ignored the weirdness and made the window less of a problem by not looking at it and letting the plants hide the problem. It was a over a year ago that the naked man knocked and nothing else had happened until now. I didn't think it was a huge problem, I've never said it was. I've only asked for advice on whether I'm wrong to not cut down the plants on my side and about the chalk message.

The pavement chalk was from Ikea. The shed wall is in our garden and DD draws on the wall all the time. I have removed the word 'weirdo'. If he doesn't want to put clothes on or get a blind, fair enough. If I don't want to remove the words 'put some clothes on', fair enough. If he doesn't want to read it he should leave the plants that hide it from his view. The words are hardly visible now anyway after a year of rain etc.

OP posts:
Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 17:45

If the words are hardly visible, how come it’s only now that he’s cut the ivy down that he can see it?
YABU to leave the message up as this is condoning your daughters bad behaviour and being a shite neighbour. Why should he show you any respect when you don’t show him any? Perhaps that would be a better message to teach your daughter.
Yes you should remove the ivy from the wall. It may damage it and if it did fall and injure your daughter you would have to deal with that. Buy some fake ivy and attach it to your side of the wall.

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