To want to keep people out of my bedroom?

[Lazyginger]

So myself and dh bought a house together a year ago. I had my own flat and used the capital as deposit (Yes I protected myself by getting it written up by solicitors) but it's dh' s first house. It's a big farmhouse so we're both very proud of it naturally. Needs a lot of work doing but we'll get there.

Anyway, here's the aibu. Everyone he invites round (all his chums) get the whole tour including our bedroom, the ensuite the lot. I totally understand that he's proud to be living in such a place. However I don't want people looking around our bedroom, bathroom etc looking at all my stuff etc. There's a downstairs bathroom too so no need to come upstairs at all. Surely a look around the ground floor and garden is sufficient? I certainly don't expect a grand tour every time I go to someone elses house I've not been in... I've cautiously mentioned this before but he's got all huffy and wants to show the house off.

But now there's talk of Christmas relative visits and I'm getting nervous of my space being invaded ! Am I being precious?

Did the difference in your hosting never come up before you got married and bought a house together?

Sorry, but I do think you are being a bit precious. As long as people just see your bedroom and don't stay in there having a nosy around what is the problem?

could you not just say 'love, cut it out'?

You must think you're terribly interesting to think that anyone politely oohing and aaahing during your husband's little tour gives a flying fvck about which brand of sanitary products you use or the size of your bra cups.

I'm totally with you OP. My husband did this to me once when I had only tidied the 'public' areas of the house and upstairs was a properly horrendous mess with towels, knickers, toys everywhere. I was mortified! Who needs to see in someone else's bedroom FFS!

You’re not being precious.

Tell your DP to stop it and lock your bedroom door.

Headintheptoverbial you sound incredibly sneering and aggressive. Did you mean to be so rude?

I feel that you see it as more 'your' house, because you used your money as the deposit, and therefore your preferences are more important than your DH's.

Offer a compromise where he opens the bedroom door and they have a look in, but without walking all round it and in the en suite. Also, remember this will die off once people have visited the first time and then your bedroom can be totally private again.

I find it really weird when someone wants to show me their entire house, I really don’t give a shit - just make me a cup of tea goddamnit

Op yanbu, tell him to pack it in

Are you more middle class than your dh?

It sounds likes it's not a run of the mill house so people are interested/your husband is proud. I'd think you were hiding something weird if I was offered a tour of your whole house except your bedroom! But then I suppose it's everyone's right to hide (or not, whatever they choose) weird stuff. 🤔 started this thinking YABU but I've changed my mind. YANBU

Personally I think it's fine the 1st time people are seeing the place. After that, no.

We’d always look around a friends house if they move or extend - as they would ours. Houses are interesting. Why wouldn’t you let people see upstairs too?

You are being a bit precious. Whenever I have visited someone in a new house. I've got shown round all it. I thought that's what people usually do

We recently had a new flatwarming and showed everyone all the rooms. I think you're being weird..

You are being precious
Just tidy up before they come, of course they want to look around your new house and they're not strangers

Are you very messy? That's literally the only reason I can think of why this would bother you - he opens the door, gestures to 'your room' then closes the door? Honestly not one of your visitors cares.

Your friends want to see your house. A peek in the bedrooms is not unusual.

I really thought this thread would be about people looking through your stuff .

Maybe it's just me then

I cant see the issue to be honest.

But I'm not sure why you felt the need to include all the details of how much money and capital you have injected into the property compared to your DH?

First time visitors to a new house - full tour (though not the master bedroom en suite, that's odd! More of a quick look through the open bedroom doorway and move quickly on).

Subsequently- only downstairs/where invited.

I always ban DC from our bedroom during play dates etc - it's private. Also, usually messy!

But in a first "house tour" situation you just make sure it's super tidy for a quick glance in.

This phase won't last long, OP.

But sure what your deposit has to do with it at all.

I’ve got 2 locks on my bedroom door, one internal and a lockable doorknob. No fuckers getting in there

I’m with you, tell him to knock it off.

YABP.

It's normal to give people the 'full tour' when you've just bought a house. Soon they've have all seen it then it won't be an issue anymore.

As for Christmas, anyone new gets the 'full tour' then after that they've no need to go into your room.

I sort of see your point.

I don’t mind people being shown around - but I like to know in advance so it’s tidy!

Generally the house is fine to be seen another benefit of having a cleaner, it makes you tidy but on occasion the bedrooms aren’t as I’d like them to be “visited”.

I don’t particularly have an issue with people seeing my things, frankly if someone has an issue with my choice of hand soap, bed linen, cosmetics then I don’t give a stuff.

That said, it’s your house and if you don’t like it you should tell your DH. His pride and your privacy have equal footing - whatever you put down financially to pay for it.

I like houses and do like looking around other people’s homes tbh, for interest and inspiration---- but I’d never ask. If invited I’d do it. Maybe that’s why I’m ok with the reverse.

Upshot is you need to talk to DH and agree what you both feel comfy with. I’ve been shown around and been told “i won’t show you in that room because of X”. That’s fine. Maybe your DH needs to take this approach with rooms/areas you feel are private.