To want to keep people out of my bedroom?

[Lazyginger]

So myself and dh bought a house together a year ago. I had my own flat and used the capital as deposit (Yes I protected myself by getting it written up by solicitors) but it's dh' s first house. It's a big farmhouse so we're both very proud of it naturally. Needs a lot of work doing but we'll get there.

Anyway, here's the aibu. Everyone he invites round (all his chums) get the whole tour including our bedroom, the ensuite the lot. I totally understand that he's proud to be living in such a place. However I don't want people looking around our bedroom, bathroom etc looking at all my stuff etc. There's a downstairs bathroom too so no need to come upstairs at all. Surely a look around the ground floor and garden is sufficient? I certainly don't expect a grand tour every time I go to someone elses house I've not been in... I've cautiously mentioned this before but he's got all huffy and wants to show the house off.

But now there's talk of Christmas relative visits and I'm getting nervous of my space being invaded ! Am I being precious?

Nobody goes into our bedroom. It has never come up with adults. I remind DD and friends if playing they aren't allowed in there.
When we first bought the house people got the full tour. But I knew they were coming and after the first visit they rarely go upstairs.

I wouldn't worry as it will soon fizzle out.

Yanbu. In our culture if tghe door is closed you do not go in there in other peoples houses. We tend not to go into bedrooms of others unless we really needed to. Its a respect of privacy. This is a place where you sleep and have intimate relations. (Obviously not just here) but most people do anyway. And its not nice to go in someones bedroom where their most intimate posessions are. Clothes etc.

It's a younger thing I think, I remember showing friends round our first home, we were all just starting out and it was interesting. I probably wouldn't do it now, we haven't moved for years though so it might depend on who was visiting, DH's mates would definitely not be interested.

Leave out something really embarrassing next time that could only be his.

I am with you, I always feel uncomfortable with this. I think the full tour is only for close family when you first move in, or an individual close friend who asks later on.

I'm with you OP. I think, generally, visitors are polite enough to not stay too long or snoop, but I have PiLs with no boundaries which infuriates me!

They turned up at our house (uninvited) on the day of exchange which I thought was odd, but we did the tour with them anyway as it was a building site so it didn't really feel like we were letting them into our home. I assumed that would be it for the snooping, it wasn't!

They came round again months later when we had finished working on it and it was a properly settled home and ASKED to see upstairs which I thought was incredibly rude but didn't know how to say no (this was a few years ago, I have since learned to keep clear boundaries!). They went into our bedroom, stayed far too long and commented on the amount of space my clothes took up in the wardrobe and how poor DP doesn't have enough space then went along the hallway and I specifically said don't go in the spare room as it's a mess, but she OPENED the door and went in anyway! I was furious and immediately ordered them downstairs. I felt very 'on show'. Maybe that's precious but it's my home so surely that's up to me!

Another time she went upstairs to use the bathroom, despite having a perfectly good toilet available downstairs. I hadn't prepped upstairs for visitors so was again really annoyed. DP's justification: 'she farts a lot' so I guess there are circumstances where it's OK...

We’d always look around a friends house if they move or extend - as they would ours. Houses are interesting. Why wouldn’t you let people see upstairs too?

Same.

I don’t have any secrets in my bedroom (except things safely shut in drawers!) and don’t really mind if friends or family I’ve invited into my home see my floordrobe.

I find it weird to go into a married couple (or unmarried) room. It's the bed where they have sex and it's too private. I wouldn't go into my parents' room even. I don't mind people coming into our room if it's for some kind of reason (getting changed/workmen etc) but the idea of all my friends trooping round for a nosy would be far too strange.

LEave his worn pants on the floor with a marmite stain in the correct location

Did the difference in your hosting never come up before you got married and bought a house together

When I got together with my OH and we were filling in the forms to apply for a relationship, I asked him the following questions:
Do you want any more children?
How do you want to spend Christmas?
When we buy a house, will you be showing people upstairs?
Will you leave teabags in the sink rather than disposing of them properly?

All good questions that set up the relationship properly.

After the initial showround, you'd be fair to expect privacy I think, but right now, your DH's first house? It's nice to allow others to see your new home and give them the opportunity to join you in your pride.

Ginge, next time you're aware that he's taking guests upstairs, leave his old pants on the bed 😂
Personally, I wouldn't want to look around someone's bedroom, nor them mine. It's got nothing to do with being tidy etc, it's just my space.
@gillybeanz, how very true. I had a guest use the bathroom very recently. I could hear my bathroom cabinet being opened and closed.
Nothing in there to be ashamed off, but the cheek if it ! 😮🙄

I totally get what you mean! I do feel awkward about people being in my bedroom but I’ve always put it down to me being a bit socially awkward. I also feel weird when I’m being given a house tour and get shown their bedroom, I don’t like to loiter in there for too long 😂

I personally don’t understand the obsession with a “tour”. I a friend of mine moves house and I go round for a drink or whatever I’ve no desire to see the entire house, least of all their bedroom. I’ve seen a bedroom before , I find the whole thing very
OP YANBU

I don’t think most people would even register your stuff tbh.

Is this an English thing? Every house I've been in, people insist on showing me thier whole house, and in one instance the attic and inside wardrobes. Weird. Most Bizarre.

Private space is private space.

LOL at your DH enthusiasm

I always feel a bit embarrassed if people do a "tour", as really just seeing the kitchen/living room is fine and can I have a coffee or tea now ....

It's youthful enthusiasm/naivity and it will wear off.

Just hide you private stuff in a box/drawer or something

The posters being so rude and nasty above must be the ill-mannered people who like to snoop in on others private space.

OP, you are not being precious at all. Everybody is entitled to their own preferences regarding their private space.

My bedroom is my private space, even my kids don't come uninvited (when they are old enough). I would only give a "tour" to friends who are staying overnight. There's nothing interesting or embarrassing and it's not even messy, but it's my space! I have family photos, private items, it's nobody's business. I would feel the same way about someone showing my underwear drawer. Nothing embarrassing in it, but why would you?

I think you can put your foot down about friends, but it's tricky with relatives. If you are talking parents or siblings, I can understand why your DH wants to give them the grand tour. My parents and sisters would probably be the only ones who are happy to see my bedroom and who actually care. For them just make sure it's in showroom mode, it's easier if you are prepared before the visit.

LOL at pp saying it's odd to see a married couple's bed because they have sex there - I know bed seems to equal sex but really they're very likely to have had sex in other rooms/on the couch etc! :)
Anyway personally I'm not bothered with ppl having a grand tour and I like to see other people's houses. Not to snoop at their stuff as I don't give a damn, but I like to see the full house, the layout etc. But the key here is betw you and your DH. It's odd that he is so dismissive of your feelings on the subject. I can imagine my DH would have been a bit like you some years ago and whilst I would have huffed a bit at the preciousness of it I would still have respected his feeling as much as possible...

I recently moved to a big 3 storey 5 bed and it was a disaster zone after we did all the work our family and friends naturally wanted to see what I had done so had a very quick nosey. I had to really grit my teeth at the idea of them being in my bedroom, I view the whole top floor as my very private personal space . I totally HATE people being in my bedroom and often can't sleep that night. Curiosity is natural I think but yes it grates on me too. If they get the tour now, are they going to expect it again when its been renovated?

Just wait until DH's friend, who was staying overnight, decides to wander into your bedroom, without knocking, when you're still in bed, naked, to say thanks for the hospitality.

I find it weird to go into a married couple (or unmarried) room. It's the bed where they have sex and it's too private.

@carefreeeee LOL we also have sex on the sofa downstairs, on the dining table, and in the spare room.... so no where is safe for you in my house!

To me it's normal to show the whole house to people if it's new (to them). But if you really don't like it then buy some eh interesting art of a huge penis and a vagina and hang it above your bed. Even if DH is crazy enough would show the room to people at least they will never enter the room again.

Every tour has to include the master bedroom, how else can you drop the "And this is where the magic happens!" joke?

Depends on if they are just poking their heads in the door for a polite look, or wandering around the room picking up dirty knickers, etc. I wouldn’t be too fussed with the former, I might get a bit annoyed at the latter

I once viewed a house where you had to walk through a bedroom to get to the only bathroom in the house. I didn't like the idea of everyone walking through my bedroom to use the toilet as I thought it would be a slight invasion of privacy, so yanbu, but talk to him.