To want to keep people out of my bedroom?

[Lazyginger]

So myself and dh bought a house together a year ago. I had my own flat and used the capital as deposit (Yes I protected myself by getting it written up by solicitors) but it's dh' s first house. It's a big farmhouse so we're both very proud of it naturally. Needs a lot of work doing but we'll get there.

Anyway, here's the aibu. Everyone he invites round (all his chums) get the whole tour including our bedroom, the ensuite the lot. I totally understand that he's proud to be living in such a place. However I don't want people looking around our bedroom, bathroom etc looking at all my stuff etc. There's a downstairs bathroom too so no need to come upstairs at all. Surely a look around the ground floor and garden is sufficient? I certainly don't expect a grand tour every time I go to someone elses house I've not been in... I've cautiously mentioned this before but he's got all huffy and wants to show the house off.

But now there's talk of Christmas relative visits and I'm getting nervous of my space being invaded ! Am I being precious?

I kind of agree with you, I like my own space. I can see that people might think it was weird if they saw every other room, but I agree with the PP who said opening the door and showing it from there would be fine.

If nothing else, I don't want people traipsing their shoes through the bedroom.

I'd lock your bathroom cabinet OP, it's well known that a large majority of people snoop in hosts cabinet.
I wish I'd paid more attention it was quite interesting.

I can see both sides, as a one off and with warning, but it's not unusual for friends to want to see your dh new home.
Do your friends not want a grand tour?
I don't think YABU to not want your privacy invaded

I've moved twice in the last year... when people come over they genuinely seem to want to look around! Just make your bedroom presentable when you know you have guests...

I find it weird that so many people think it's the norm to show people essentially private areas of their houses. Fine if you individually have no problem with it, but it doesn't make it conduct which would be expected everywhere. I think that anyone is entitled to decide that their bedroom is private and their partners should respect that. I wonder, would you show them your teenage children's bedrooms without their permission?

I find it weird that so many people think it's the norm to show people essentially private areas of their houses

Bloody right! Just make sure it’s tidy indeed!

I get how you feel, but it's probably still unreasonable. I think he should let you know in advance if he'll be showing someone the bedroom, so you have a chance to shove any personal items in a drawer. Other than that, he should be allowed to show off his home.

I think the full tour is normal the first time. You see all the rooms. It would be weird not to go upstairs - that's half the house! Ideally you'd realise it's going to happen and have a quick tidy up! It wouldn't bother me but I'm not that private. Talk to your dh so you agree next time.

My husband did this and I told him to stop. Which he did

I would hate this too, I really would! But it seems that we are in the minority.

I just think that there are public areas to a house and private areas. If private areas are shared then if either doesnt want them to be shown then they shouldnt be.

Its one of the reasons I will never live in a bungalow again. Mum hates that people have to walk past the bedrooms to get to the lounge, I hated it too when I lived there as my bedroom was the first and people would always look in if the door wasnt shut! Perhaps having lived here, it makes me more aware of having private areas.

I see your point but also think you're being s bit precious. Novelty will wear off, it's his first house so let him show it off for a while! After everyone's seen it he won't exactly be showing new friends the full tour will he! It's exciting

Yeah but it's the OP's house, too. That's the point she's making. Her home, her private space, her private stuff.

I would hate people viewing my private stuff in my bedroom - just the boxes of tablets and patches, for a start would be a bit grim as Exhibit A - and I can't imagine OH doing it, or anyone actually wanting to be shown it.

'And here's Liney's latest stack of treatments for menopausal rage, next to the books on Ancient Battle Re-enactments. Tea?'

I don’t think you’re being precious at all! I’d be all, get out of my private space, you fucks!

You’re not on a tv reality show. Why do they need to see your bedroom?

Don't listen to ANYONE saying you're being "precious." You are a private person and you like the most intimate space of YOUR HOME to remain private. There is NOTHING wrong with this or something you need to apologize for. I feel the same way.

You aren’t being precious at all, bedrooms are private.

However that being said, new house tours are the exception to the rule. You only need to do it once per visitor and only for the first couple of months after that people don’t expect it.

Get your DH to get your bedroom tidied and put away anything personal and grit your teeth through the Christmas tours. After that you probably won’t have to endure any more.

I've been shown round many houses, and it usually involves looking at every room. However it's a quick look not an examination rooms like bedrooms you'd usually just stand in the doorway and say 'very nice' unless there was some particularly interesting feature. I can see the issue if you feel the room is a mess but otherwise this really doesn't seem a huge invasion of privacy to me.

nooka

'I've been shown round many houses............... this really doesn't seem a huge invasion of privacy to me.'

And there lies the issue. To viewer it isnt an invasion, but to the occupant it may well be.

I hate people being given "the tour" full stop, I find it really cringey. But yes, the bedroom and ensuite are private, no-one should need to see them apart from the people who use them.

My DH does this and I got a bit embarrassed if it wasn't tidy, but then I realised that firstly most people just stick their head politely round the door and that secondly no one cares. Literally, no one cares whether my bedroom is a mess.

I could have written your post. We just bought a house too that needs work. It has an extra bedroom and i have had dhs family want to stay for Xmas dropping hints like bombs. The room is our future dc room, it doesn't mean I want everyone round to stay. People keep saying things like we need to get it painted for such and such coming to stay. Um no.
My friends keep hinting to come over too at inconvienent times to stay, while I'm working etc...oh but it doesn't matter cause there is a spare room. Pisses me right off.

Property porn. Many people love thinking about moving house, how other people decorate their home etc. I am usually shown around friends' houses if they have just moved, not just randomly. I am not there to judge anything I see, they are my friend! Is the problem here that they are not your friends and family? I assume (despite your deposit, strange to mention if not relevant) that your dp has put work into the house too?

my dh used to do this. finally he's stopped - mainly because upstairs is such a pigsty.

YANBU. Why does he need to drag people all the way into the ensuite? People can look through the bedroom door at the very most and that is it. If you’re not comfortable with people looking around, then your feelings should be respected.

My first husband gave a friend of his a tour of our house, including the bedrooms, when I was in bed! One of the many reasons he got the boot.

A few years ago a couple were visiting for a few hours and were admiring our house and one of the cheeky buggers asked if he could see upstairs. I said, “No”.

How weird not to show friends the upstairs in your house if they ask.

I wouldn't ever do a tour of my house. People aren't really interested, they are just being polite. Having said that I don't care if people go in my bedroom and often steer people to my ensuite if all other toilets are occupied at a party. You sound very different from me though, I can't imagine being proud of living somewhere, but then I just don't give a fuck what people think of me/my life.