To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

If you read to deeply into anyway of describing it you could get offended. SAHP could be construed the wrong way? “What you stay at home all the time? As in you never leave the house, ever?” 😂😜😜

I get that being a FTM/SAHM/HM (pick whichever least offends you) is hard work (I did it) and that it is demanding. It is more demanding than some 9-5 jobs but it's also less demanding than other jobs. It's not a competition. Some people would find a 14 hour brain surgery less stressful than looking after kids and others would take the toddlers any day. The more we fight to justify that we are working hard the more stressed we all become. It's not a competition.

Viviennemary
No I don't recognise the term full-time mum as meaning you spend you whole day looking after your DC's.

When you say you don't recognise the use of the term, do you mean you have never, ever heard it and are not used to it being commonly used, or you don't agree with it?

I would just ask what they mean. Or how to apply for a part-time position in such a role.

Op you're a specialist in budgeting domestic hygiene cookery animal welfare ( possibly) child care -your expertise lies with ages (whatever your children are) and you probably know a bit about dealing with personal issues and counselling - from your other age range of interest ( your dh)
Don't sell yourself short

Sorry but this topic annoys me.

Every mum is a full-time mum. I work and go to university and I am a full-time mum. I don't stop being a mum just because I'm in work. Just because a mother works or studies doesn't make them any less of a mother or a part-time mother.
A mother who chooses not to work/study etc is a stay at home mum.

FFS, you realise you just sound like a totally chippy dick questioning this? You know exactly what they mean, you know its not a trick question or a critique of you.
If you answer in anyone of these ways you will just look like a monumental twat.

caedy that's an equally inaccurate term, as has been mentioned.

Op you're a specialist in budgeting domestic hygiene cookery animal welfare ( possibly) child care -your expertise lies with ages (whatever your children are) and you probably know a bit about dealing with personal issues and counselling - from your other age range of interest ( your dh)

I don't know if you're being tongue-in-cheek or not but I seriously cringe when people describe themselves like this! Especially on CVs or the likes.

It’s not pedantic to think that implying working mums are part timers is stupid. So many of the responses here make that assumption. I’m surprised. How can anyone be a part time mum?

A mother who chooses not to work...

All mothers work.

I don’t think it’s meant to be an offensive so I don’t think it needs a comeback. I’m secure in my decision to work 30 hoursish give or take. I know I’m doing my best for ds with out situation and I don’t feel the need to justify it. I’m secure and confident about my decision.
On maternity leave I just said I’m returning to work slightly less hours. But if I wasn’t returning I would be happy be referred to as full time mum. I wouldn’t care. Referring to a mum who doesn’t work as full time doesn’t make me less of a mum.
All people mean by it imo is will you be doing all of the childcare.
Op don’t ever feel like you need to explain or defend your decision with a comeback.

All mothers who go out to work also do the domestic work.

My query is that are SAHP automatically then no longer 'full time' Mums (or Dads) when their children go to school?
Agh ... makes me cross. Just because I work 5 days a week, I do not stop being a parent during the hours I'm not spent with my children!

SoupDragon
A mother who chooses not to work...
All mothers work.

Did you not know what she meant?

My query is that are SAHP automatically then no longer 'full time' Mums (or Dads) when their children go to school?

I am an on-call mother. I realise that I am not being a parent when my children are elsewhere and that this has no bearing on the actual fact that I have children.

Did you not know what she meant?

Yes, of course I did. The point is that what she meant and what she said is the same problem as the phrase "full time mother".

If someone asked what you do, Soup would you call yourself an on-call mother?

Not making a point! Just curious.

No one asks.

"Lady of leisure and on call mother" is a damn fine job title though.

Did you not know what she meant?
Yes, of course I did. The point is that what she meant and what she said is the same problem as the phrase "full time mother".

So you knew what she meant, and she meant what she said which is nice and clear. But you see a problem? Common use of the word 'work' refers to activity in the 'workplace'. I can't see any problem whatsoever in what that poster said, or the full-time mother commonly used description. Most people know what they mean and hence don't read anything else into it, don't see any "problem" or find it offensive at all.

I can't see any problem whatsoever in what that poster said, or the full-time mother commonly used description. Most people know what they mean and hence don't read anything else into it, don't see any "problem" or find it offensive at all.

I don't have a problem with full time mother or working mother either.

However, that poster does have a problem with "full time mother” but thinks it's OK to say that a SAHM doesn't work. They are both the same principle. If you find one phrase offensive then you really should think twice before using the other.

Really, who gives a shiny shit.

I was SAH until DS was three. I just used to say I was taking a career break while he was young. I don't think of parenting as "work" so no, I personally wouldn't describe it as such. It is a life choice I made, it's not my "work."

I dunno why people get so het up about this stuff though. Everybody is going to have an opinion no matter what and I'll be damned if I'm going to let what other people think affect my day. I work PT now and couldn't be happier with my decisions.

Goldfishshoals
It also means you have a hell of lot less house work/jobs than you would if you didn't work.

Sorry, I don't entirely buy this. My kids (KS1 school age) eat the same number of meals at home regardless of whether I work or not, they are capable of trashing their play room or bedroom in 1 hour just as effectively as 3hrs, they wear the same amount of clothes regardless of whether I work or not, and take the same number of baths. The food shopping, bathroom cleaning and washing doesn't change.

Unless you employ Mary Poppins, neither does the amount of uniform labelling, birthday present buying, school form filling, costume sourcing, nit combing, dentist appointments, vomiting bugs, and other child-related housework needed each week. Not to mention the insurance renewing, plumber booking, MOTs, dog worming, bed changing, lightbulb replacing, dishwasher emptying and everything else that needs doing just to even vaguely keep life ticking along regardless of how many hours out of the house you are working or commuting.

As for the original question, I don't think 'full time mum' is an insult, unless there was something in the manner that suggests the person asking it was being a caaaah. It's factual. YOur time is fully engaged in being a parent.

I don't think there's anything insulting in asking someone if they have a job/work either. You can answer it entirely how you feel reflects the most hard work bit of your life!

But there is definitely a not very veiled insult in calling someone a 'part time mum' (which has been said directly to one of my very close friends and pretty close to it said to me).